You know, I didn't really intend to stop paying attention to my blood sugar.
But there was this doctor appointment where I was told, "Well, you really only need to check it once or twice a day. Maybe 3 mornings in a row, then the next few days check after lunch, and then maybe 3 bedtimes in a row. That'll give you a good idea."
Well, that's definitely more convenient, isn't it?
Trouble is if I stop checking obsessively, then I don't check at all.
And while I wouldn't say I've been eating badly, I know I haven't been as careful.
There are many reasons for my apathy. The doctor telling me that I can't cut carbs as severely as I have been doing, and refuting a lot of what I thought I had learned. I'm left sitting there thinking, "yeah, but if I eat 60 grams of carbs in a meal my BS will be high and I'll feel like shit." Only to be told that any BS lower than 180 is acceptable. That's not what I got from Blood Sugar 101 - which was that averaging anywhere near 180 leads to complications. "Our goal is to keep your A1C in the 6% range."
I said I want it to be less than 6%. She said that's too hard on the rest of my body. She said, "You're now considered to have already had a heart attack or stroke." (Meaning that the diagnosis of diabetes raises the risk of heart attack and stroke as much as already having had one or the other). And I think, "Really? Really?"
I wonder why the hard ass approach? Is it because their standard "lose weight" lecture doesn't apply to me, so they don't know what else to say? (I weight 114 lbs. If I lose any more I won't be safe standing outside in a breeze, for gods's sake).
Over a month wait to see a dietician. The push to go to a class, which is not a bad idea, but unfortunately it meets two wednesdays in a row, and the only session I was free for both days, the class was full. No, they couldn't squeeze me in, even though it will be July before I can go to that class.
I need this education before July, thank you very much, so I have to go at it 1 on 1 with the dietician and the educator, and they're basically going to tell me to keep my blood sugar at levels that I believe are too high, and they're going to confuse me with bullshit research.
My best friend is battling a severe depression and sometimes I give all of my emotional resourses to her and just hold on tight, because that's all I can do.
My husband's business has outgrown his building, so we're buying a new building and the move will be expensive and will wipe out our savings. It's a good move, a proactive move, but I am not accustomed to "watching my spending" and the grocery store is killing me. I feel guilty for buying the more expensive foods that I should be eating, the fresh fruits and vegetables, and buying salad stuff that I hate and don't eat and end up throwing away.
I hear a constant barage of threats about diabetes from the media, and I can't help but feel pissed off that those references refer to me. Don't I have enough going on without all of this?
I want to go on my vacation next month and have a blast. It's been a year in the planning and so far all systems are go. Plane tickets are purchased, hotel is reserved, the kennel is ready for the dog, and the neighbor is ready for the kid. I want to live a little, damn it.
I'm still keeping my carbs pretty low, my fasting sugars are right around 100, I'm trying to eat more frequently because I know I don't eat often enough, and I can see from the numbers that my body is pulling glucose from elsewhere if I don't supply it by eating. I can't remember why that's bad, but the RN told me it's bad. What I thought I knew isn't making sense with the new information that the medical professionals are giving me, and suddenly my brain is too full to keep track of it all.
I guess you could say that the novelty has worn off.