I spent over half my life with A1c's over 10. I'm not recommending it by ANY means, but I do think you can't get so negative toward yourself or your numbers. The hospital, complications, death, etc - these are not inevitable futures for any of us. Like Marie/Manny/everyone said, pick a few simple steps to change, shake off the guilt, and make today better than yesterday.
My first step toward improvement was vowing to know my blood sugar every time I put my food in my mouth. That helped a LOT. Seeing the numbers more made me make different choices. It helped me remember to take my medication as prescribed. It just helped make me more conscious of where I was and how I was feeling. Now my A1c is in the 5s.