Yesterday I bite down on a piece of apple and I broke a tooth. Well it was a crown but it just sort of disintegrated. The apple was not heard, it was sliced, no real reason for it to shatter. Yet it did. So I called the dentist and was informed this tooth was on the “watch list”. Like airline boarding, except you go the dentist and this tooth cannot go in the exam room. It is a danger to the hygienist, who knows it could be carrying a tooth sized explosive device. Maybe that is why they were patting it on the list for random screen the last few times. I was carrying a radicalized tooth and did not even know it. I feel ashamed.
So I am to put the pieces of the crown in a bag and bring them at 4 PM today for an evaluation. Maybe the FBI needs the tooth remains so they can determine the cause of destruction? Perhaps they will find a new kind of explosive device? Maybe that molar has been secretly meeting with other teeth in my mouth forming a plan to cause danger in the dentist office. Look for me on the dentist list by midnight tonight. I might even make the top 10,000 radicalized teeth. I am expecting the worse.
Now I do not know that my disintegrating tooth is a real disease. Or maybe I have the dreaded Radical Tooth Syndrome (RTS)? Consider the various treatments for RTS, maybe a commercial should be made for a new drug? Do you suffer from RTS? Are you restricted from entering your local dentist office? Are you on a no fly list? Neutral Jaw is a new drug developed solely for the treatment of RTS. Neutral Jaw is a yellow pill used for the treatment of early RTS.
Neutral Jaw supplement will not protect from extremely radicalized RTS. It may not aide in cases of Radicalized Mouth Disease (RMD). Side effects may include minor explosions of the teeth, the blowing gum holes, Do not use in the case of anger, as this may increase the tooth disintegration and the disintegration of adjoining teeth.
Well ok so maybe I do not have RTS, but I can think of some diseases that might show up some day.
Happy Time Disease (HTD)
People with HTD jet off to the Caribbean any time the temperature drops below 50. It would come with an ever expanding wallet. Somehow having this disease means someone send s you $4,000 per week tax free. I imagine there might be a national campaign to support this Disease. Like a telethon for the stricken. Today over 2 million people suffer from the ill effects of HTD. Please help; there is no treatment only money will do. The typical HTD patient is millions of dollars in debt there must be a better way? I am convinced this disease will be a home run. I think I want it.
Erectile Laughing Disease (ELD)
This happens whenever a man laughs. “I used to like to laugh, but now whenever I laugh I have an erection”, says a confused sufferer. It is so embarrassing patients can no longer enjoy life. The afflicted run the risk of laughing at any remark even jokes that are not funny. It is so embarrassing they remain locked in a closet with no TV or radio for 23 of every 24 hours. Please support research into how to stop this awful disease. Right now somewhere in America men of all ethnicities and social background sit in their coat closet hoping no one tells a joke. Can you help us? Give today to the ELD foundation of America so research can proceed.
Still Leg Syndrome (SLS)
Do you sit quietly in movies you hate? You may have SLS. SLS normally attacks women age 18 to 62 and its onset is often brought on by attendance at stupid action movies often featuring a character referred to as James bond. Are you prevented from showing your true disgust with this and all really dumb movies you are dragged too. SLS strikes when you know you have had enough and you want to show you displeasure, yet your legs will not move. Once you have the disease you may not be able to show disgust at Football Games, Soccer matches, High School reunions or worst of all his family gatherings. Remember if women cannot show disgust men will do almost anything and you will not be able to show understand their partners utter disgust for his actions. Reserve your right to show disgust. Get treatment before he makes a fool of himself even once more. Stop SLS dead I its tracks please give, remember this could be you.
Blood Sugar Display Syndrome (BSDS)
BSDS nay be a helpful syndrome. This occurs after years and years of testing blood sugar. Magically fingers produce digital readouts of blood sugar. Unfortunately this can never be turned off and in it the beginning stages this digital read out is so bright, it fills the room with light and in the worst cases multiple fingers produce different results thus requiring even more sticks to verify the results. This syndrome is not well received by any one afflicted. Especially romantic partners who must constantly see the blood sugar displayed even in the most tender moments. Incidentally these read outs on multiple fingers vary by as much as 100%. Like when the middle finger might display 484 as it is used to express displeasure but the thumb even on the same hand displays a mere 168.
Scientists are working to learn how these digits are displayed and hopefully how to calibrate the rather upsetting information. If you wish to donate to prevent BSDS, send money to the BSDS foundation of the world. A 501 C (annoy organization)
Please Give !!
Please give what you can to these and other lessor known diseases. Remember the life you save might be your neighbors. Or well probably not.