How does it feel to have Diabetes? I am very vocal about talking about my Diabetes, but there is one question I can't stand. How does it feel, that's it nice and basic. Do people really want to know my frustration, and worry?. Do they want to know my fear of sleeping, the anger I feel when I have no idea why my blood sugar is high then it should be or worse the anger an panic of a hard low when my last insulin injection was 8 hours before and I was fine an hour before.
Do they want to know the terror I feel every time one of my children goes through a I need a drink every 5 minute phase, or just the ticking fear always in the back of my head worrying which one if any of my children will continue the family tradition.Or do they want to know how much I hate the fact that i no longer look at food as "that looks good", but instead its "how many carbs is that" or "how much insulin will I need".
Do they want to know the panic of forgetting my meter or other supplies or worse doing out for an extended time and going to test and seeing that I only have one test strip or going low and having no tabs or a snack. What about the guilt of going low and getting mean and snapping at a loved one for some minor annoyance.
Or how about how much I love it when someone plays it off like, "Oh it's just diabetes". Oh yes why thank you my immune system has basically killed two organs, I have some nerve damage to my bladder and no matter what some place on my death certificate will say Diabetes. Do those same people want to know what it's like to jab my fingers 10 times a day or how much I love that look someone gives me when I take a shot in public?
Do they want to know they joy I feel to be alive. The pride of keeping my A1c down and Blood Sugar for the most part in control.(No lows that I haven't been able to treat myself and rarely highs over 180). The pride of seeing my children understand more then I did at their age.
When they ask how does it feel what do they want to know? Besides well it's life and I have to roll with it.