I have d for nearly 3 years, and have struggled with my a1c and numbers continually, as my body does what it pleases with insulin, sometimes it works and my numbers look AWESOME, other times i bolus and correct and correct and bolus like its my full time job to no avail. I have always tried to look at my d in a positive light, because people endure far worse everyday, up until recent times, I have been successful. Lately, I just can't seem to conjure up the energy to even give a crap. I know the consequences, I know what its doing to my body, I know I feel like crap. But, I really, really, just don't care anymore. I'm tired of fighting with it and writing every detail of my life down for a team of doctors to scoff at, like they know anything about what its like to live with this disease day in and day out. Well, guess what? They don't. They really have no freaking clue what its like to do something day in and day out or face a death sentence. I am really just needing some encouragement, that someone else out there, knows where I am at, and can give me some flame of ambition.
I know, I am still grieving, and still hurting. The loss of my son, and brother lay heavily on my heart, and I broke off an engagement after my son passed, for good reason. But, now what? It seems my life has fallen apart, and I just don't care.