i've learned first hand the evils of antidepressants for Mito（Mitochondria disease）patients （chronic sufferers）the antidepressants i took（abilify, Depaz, wypax, toledomin not available in the states, paxil, cymbalta ）all just made me feel worse and caused balance issues. standing still i feel like i'm doing the lean move from MJ's Smooth Criminal. and quit laughing. cause not only is true but the antidepressants also gave me anhedonia （according to Robert Saoplsky's lecture on depression on you tube anhedonia is the in ability to feel pleasure）i haven't laughed nor smiled in a whole year. nothing gets a reaction out of me. i was informed i had diabetes last year on Thanksgiving Day（2013）. i went to a friend's house, s fellow American expat in Japan. i puked his wife's cooking. it was embarrassing..i met my endocrinologist a short cute young Japanese woman with long black hair. i had trouble speaking in Japanese （which was odd, because speaking has always been my strong point i've studied Japanese for many years）. i was hospitalized for two weeks for an a1c of 13.1 and put on 10 units of novorapid at each meal, and 10 units of lantus. in january i was put on metformin when i skyped Mom about she went though the roof. and sent me a list oMitochondria toxic meds metformin causes myopathy with Mitochondria diseased people. so i finally broke down and told all my Japanese doctors i had a Mitochondria disease. only one doctor had even heard of it, my main general physician, who spoke English. who was also pescribing me Mitochondria toxic antidepressants. i've been on abilify, Depaz, wypax,toledomin, cymbalta（which killed the remainder of my smile）and paxil. i went through a month of hell when i decided theses things were evil. but i was still as depressed as i've ever been. i saw a chinese herbal doctor, it kinda sorta maybe not really worked. i started looking for support groups on facebook. while obssessively listening to Morrissey on youtube. his classic Smiths songs were the only things i could relate to 'how soon is now', 'if there us a light it never goes out',please,please,please let me get what i want' and Morrissey solo 'every day is like Sunday' were my faves. i found some cool people who also have Mitochondria diseases yes that's plural so far there are over 200 mutations to Mitochondria DNA. i have the Mitochondria DNA mutation A3243G. which gives me the mutant power of muscle soreness each time i excersize, diabetes with deafness （MIDD）. i finally convinced my endocrinologist to let me see a neurologist. she didn't believe me when i said i thought i might have had a stroke（a year before hand. i'm going to assume the worst andthink she thought i was just a hypochondriac gaijin with lousy Japanese）the MRI vindicated me when it showed a T2-Flair in the middle upper part of the right side of my brain. i had had a Melas stroke. i'm member of 'young stroke surviveors'support group on face book. mitchondria disease awareness and planning group on facebook. on sparkpeople i'm on the dealing with depression group. diabetes groups...most diabetes mealplans don't account for mitchondria disease. which requires more cards for ATP production. i'm on a mitchondria cocktail consisting of supplements including CoQ10, creatine, acetyl l-carnitine,（all of those are for mitchondria energy production）alpha lipoic acid （an anti oxident）and more vitamins than you can shake a stick at.'i was happy in the haze of drunken hour and heaven knows i'm miserable now' Morrissey.
i've got issues. and don't insult my intelligence with oh you just got to be more positve. i've tried and it was useless. it's a biological at the sub cellular level. i've been recluse since my Melas stroke. i don't know what to do?