We've all been there and understand your level of frustration, exasperation and depression. I can't help but wonder if you've been given the support, information and tools to properly manage your T1. I was diagnosed 5 years ago, and have been able to relegate my T1 to a minor annoyance (most of the time). It does throw me a curve ball once in a while, like this morning when I woke up at 180 for no apparent reason whatsoever. But I've learned to roll with it and just move on.
Good BG management does not need to be an ongoing rollercoaster ride. But it takes a good understanding of diet, basal requirements, I:C and correction ratios. Once those are dialed in, you should be able to enjoy mostly "normal" glucose levels.
Diabetes should never prevent you from having a rich and rewarding, long life. I've always believed people with Diabetes can do whatever non-diabetics can do, it just takes a little more planning.
As you can see in the responses, there is a wealth of knowledge to be shared by the members of this forum who are happy to get you there. We're here to help, and happy to give specific nuts and bolts advice wherever you need it. We're all here to support and help each other. Feel free to describe the specifics of what's not working, and I'm certain you'll get sound advice from members here who've faced the exact same challenges and solved it.