Hello, I am rick, a type 1 for 37 years. I was released from the hospital on my 17th birthday. Not a bright day.
Anyway, I wanted to comment on your amazing son and a few things that sort of struck me in your vent. I have two sons neither type 1, but one with brain injuries, and one with OCD. Trust me what you are going through is pretty close to what most parents feel only magnified because of low blood sugars. But Three weeks after I left the hospital at 17, I left home and went west for 45 days of backpacking at Philmont. My mom said it was the worst 15 days of her life and she knew, because at that time she had been type 1 for 14 years.
Here is what she told me that helped. She said that every person must sooner than later, must at some time face a situation that might have a difficult outcome. I bet your son already has at one point or another. The great news is he made it through and for the most part he will likely make it through the next one and the one after that etc.
The wonderful thing is your son seems resilient. He, like all 14 year olds, need to learn to flex that muscle. Now as a middle aged man I wish I had been allowed to flex that muscle even more. So when my son, the oldest with the brain situation went off to college, my wife and I were scared to death. I worried so many years, that I might pass type 1 to him only to see that as a young man he was 6 hours away in a highly competitive environment and there was nothing I could do to help him. Yes he was 18 but to me he was a boy. I had to remember the courage my mom showed and repay her witht eh same trust she gave me. I love my son more than you can imagine, in fact i loved him so much I had to let him do things for himself. Yes he made mistakes, just as I did at Philmont. But he was bright and he made it fine.
My other son has OCD and we saw him suffer terribly before he went to university. He woudl be closer, but still a away a bit. I read about OCD and it says those patients do better away from parents. Strange isn't it. The more they go away the less the issue. He also did fine.
Now this brings me back to you venting, I am glad you can, that shows your awesome strength. I suggest you summon even more and let him make mistakes. Let your son screw up and get right his Blood Sugar balance. When I do I learn things. Now this is difficult for parents, but kids, even your son, are way more resilient than we give them credit for. My suggestion (admittedly unasked for) is that you likely let him explore some things on his own. It will make that self-actualization muscle even stronger. Trust me this is best. Give him room let him try and fail, let him try and succeed, let him be closer to normal. If he cannot do that he will ultimately grow tp be very upset with you. Please don't let that happen. You love him too much.
On the other hand I think you have a great point about 'being a man' or manual labor in order for him to grow. See, I wish I had done more as hard work, but I did not. I am a thinker. I ran food carts in the hospital for almost four years and had insulin lows doing that. I moped floors. Shoveled drives, and carried shingles all while on insulin. I was not the best at doing any of that but i had to do it. I was married and my family needed money, I was in High school and college and needed money and it is part of what men do. OK I was not great at it, and I was lucky enough to have a brain so I could make my way at a desk. Having said that your husband is not saying the right things either. Yes hard work does pay off but men are more than strong backs. I would not push your son into physical labor and I would not keep him from it, within reason.
Listen mom he will be ok, give him the tools, let him lead you and yes worry, but please do not show it and do not shut it down or encourage it because he is diabetic.
Finally, one more thing, he needs to give his own insulin. he is 14, he needs to learn and learn quickly. In less than 8 months he will be in HS. HS (including diabetic HS) kids go to games, dance, argue with parents, are responsible and irresponsible. They foul up and do great. He needs to experience all of that and he cannot do it, if you are dosing him every time. This is the trail for the future. How will he face college, I predict well if you let him work on this before he gets there.
Finally, I know this is tough. I know it better than most and so do you and so does your son. I suggest thinking about doing what I had to do in order to deal with these things. Consider professional therapy to help out. It does help, trust me you must come to terms with this issue and the sooner you can start the better the outcome will be.
I wish you the very best I am passing wonderful thoughts to you, your son, husband and everyone else touched by your son. He will have much to offer.