I try to dream about living a life without Ed, but it's really hard. I also have thought about living a life without diabetes, but I know that this is ny past, present and future.
I finished readying Life Without Ed this weekend. It's an amazing book by Jenni Schaffer. If you or someone you know has an eating disorder, it really is a good book to read.
Update: I am hanging in there...struggling, but trying my best to do what I need to do. I am taking my insulin again, but other eating disorder behaviors are creeping in. I'm learning that recovery is not perfect, and all I can do is my best. And yes, sometimes my best still isn't good enough. I'm really struggling with going into a period where I want my blood sugars to be perfect and I will do anything to acheive this. I know good blood sugar control is good, but not when it becomes obsessive like it does with me. I'm starting to think that I may need another member on my treatment team-a diabetes educator. I've gone to several and have not found one that can deal with my issues without being critcized or put down. There has to be someone out there. Someone who can support me and give me the education and focus that I need.
I was thinking yesterday about one of my dieticians who works for an endocrinologist (that I used to go to). I remember her telling me about good and bad foods and so I started labeling foods this way. She seemed to think if you were thin, ate right and exercised then diabetes just wouldn't be there. And I know how wrong she was. I think she contributed to my eating disorder in a nagative way. There are no good or bad foods. Yes, you should watch what you eat, but it is okay every once and a while to eat a dessert or something that you love. She had also made a speech at Step Out this past year, and made a very ingnorant speech. She focused a lot on weight. And that if you're not fat then you're not going to get diabetes. This pissed me off to say the least.
Just like eating disorders, diabetes comes in all different shapes, sizes, colors, and cultures. There are so many factors that play a role. No wonder we all judge ourselves, criticize ourselves and get conflicting advice. what one doctor or dietician tells you to do, does not mean that it really is the right thing to do. Be your own advocate. If something does not seem right to you, get a second opinion. I wish I would have done this before it was too late. I have a hard time trusting doctors and other people in the medical profession now.
Well, those are my words of wisdom for now...thanks for all the support you have given me. I'm going to keep trucking along and try to do this whole recovery thing.