Hey everyone! I'm sure some of this ground has been covered, but I want to get all my fears and feelings of failure out there. I was recently diagnosed type I. I'm trying not to obsess over my numbers, but I feel like I'm failing miserably... Can you fail at being a diabetic? (Haha).
Here's the background: They originally thought it was type II and gave me Metformin, which I think squeezed my pancreas for all the insulin it had left because now that I'm on Humalog and Lantus, I have to take a ton of insulin... At least of the Humalog. I take one dose of Lantus in the mornings that is steadily increasing (at 15u this morning after I went up 40 points overnight). I have a really low carb ratio (meaning I take a lot of insulin for a little bit of carbs) and wonder whether or not it has to do with my basal. The only thing is that up until recently my basal was fine at 13 and I'd wake up at the same reading as when I went to sleep. Up until recently, I was doing an okay job with keeping my sugars in check using a 1:7 carb ratio, but last night I decided to try a 6.5ish and gave myself 7u for 46g of carbs (my reading was 105 before dinner) and before bed it had spiked to 252. I gave myself 3u to just get it into a more manageable number right before bed, woke myself up at 1:00am and it was 141 (much better), but in the morning it was 184. I guess that means my basal is off? Then what's really freaking me out is this morning I ate probably 10g of carbs for breakfast and took a whopping 8u just to see if it would bring my 184 reading down and account for my carbs, and three hours later it was 194. I've been having panic attacks at work, partially because I'm scared the insulin won't work for me and partially because higher blood sugars make me feel like doom is imminent (haha).
Basically, I was wondering how long it took you guys to get your BG under control. I want it to be perfectly under control because I've always been the kind of person who excels at things, but I know that's unreasonable. I just want to know if I should feel like a complete and utter failure for consistently getting at least one reading in the 200s per day. It's only been three months, but I hate myself whenever I get readings like that.
Also... Is it possible that insulin just won't work for me? It sounds like a dumb question, but it's my biggest fear right now (apart from the medley of diabetes complications I keep reading about lol).
Lastly, how many times a day should I test? My endo haggled with me when I said I wanted six or seven times a day and gave me five, but it's stressing me out. I feel like it's way too little. He told me to test waking, before lunch, before dinner and before bedtime, so that only gives me one extra test a day... I've been trying to experiment more with my insulin, so I've been going a low at least once every few days, and I'm stressing out because I feel like I'm using way too many test strips. :/
Sorry for the length. I just want to stop feeling inadequate. I'm killing myself trying to figure this out and having panic attacks pretty regularly. I know stress can make your readings higher, but it's a vicious cycle: I stress about not being able to get lower readings, which in turns raises my readings further, which in turn makes me stress. Ughhh. Diabetes is fun, no? /endrant