Dx'd in '83 and you'd think I'd be used to it by now... and mostly I am. But right now I'm NOT!
This seems to happen whenever I have to go through some significant evolution in my treatment. DC: "Diabetic Claustrophobia." That closed-in feeling, harking back to those first months after dx. For me, looking down as the needle punctured my skin and thinking "I can't believe I'm doing this!" and "I can't believe I'm going to have to keep doing this!"--that held on for quite a while. Nothing quite repeats that experience but you definitely get flashbacks to it, or I do. That holy crap I'm a diabetic! feeling. Those severe R/N hypos sure did it, but I guess I got used to 'em. Switching from R/N to basal-bolus MDI 20 years later, having to learn all that carb counting, testing your ratios and whatnot definitely put it back in my face in that DC kind of way. Though it was such an improvement in quality of life that it faded pretty quickly. It was much more of a problem ten years later when I finally let myself be talked into trying a pump. Reluctant precisely because I knew it would mean I'd have to give the D a lot more concentrated attention again and that meant struggling with DC, and I was right. Took me forever to get the damn thing really dialed in, and the frustration of it, the feeling that you're stuck with this and it's screwing with your life and you have to have to have to. This unnatural thing plugged into you, tube getting caught on stuff, yanked out, BGs way worse than they used to be--why???---for weeks. The Big D. All. Up. In. Your. Grille. Diabetic Claustrophobia. Getting a CGM too, though maybe there I'd already built up more tolerance just from the pump thing. I've had other bouts with it too. Mostly not. Mostly it's ok. You get it routinized, it's just part of the wallpaper.
But I am DEFINITELY going through it now with having my 4 year warranty up on my first pump and deciding what to do next. The manufacturers all want you to be excited, like you're buying a new car or something, when actually I feel the opposite. I. Don't. Want. To. Have. To. DEAL WITH THIS. They all have nice features, considered in the abstract, and they all have things that are going to start to SUCK after living with them 24/7 for months, and I'm going to just have to live with whatever I choose and I. Don't. Want. To. Have. To. DEAL WITH THIS.
Ok, rant over. I know what would really suck: not having access to this technology, not having insurance, going into DKA and dying, yes, I know. I know. I'm being a WATB, I know. But just to get it out of my system.... DC. It sucks.