I liked your writeing on good morning america this sucks..hold on a sec gotta change my stupid pod.....ok ok im back I saw your post on that and I wanted to tell you my story of pain even though you may not care and ile post a more detailed one in a min on here for everone to see but I liked yours the most. So here it goes...
Pain Pain inside me face goes beyond words because my first sugery I could not speak comeing out of the knife room where the infection was cut for the first time from my face. I woke up to drinking then spewing my insides out all over the room from a cut that broke apart inside of my mouth, laughing insanity at what just happend with my mother stairing in horrer at her son as a white shade apears and I pass back out in silence without pain wondering what just happend. Inside my mind "Whats happening, is this real? Why me why me why me!!!? what did I do? Is this a lesson what do I need to learn? I hate this pain."
Half year later second surgery back in this room waiting nevious signing these death papers again..brain damage possible, blindness possible, death possible..are you ok with this then sign here, as I smile I sign again this death paper of myne just to wake up with a plastic rod inside my nose and blood on my face and yet again here in this bed of pain ...Nurse please pain meds please so much pain so much blood, the nurse ok honney heres some demerol..and I pass out again wake up hours later staring at a white roof throwing up from all the meds. Great I turn to look at my mom, screw this lets go home I pull out the shot in my vein and everyone freaks and I say calm down I just want to leave. Threw up again rolled out to the car in a wheel chair and going home yet again in pain some say a gun could cure.
Half a year later are you keeping up 3rd surgery here again papers sugery pain throwing up cut under the roof of my mouth by a new Dr. Tackashima. Nice man and I pass back out end up at home.
Half a year 4th surgery later CT scan shows abnormal growth in left side confirmed cronic sinusitis, Doc says I need ot move away..then papers death is possible me scared no girlfriend only my mom and whoever shows up from there busy lifestyles while ima passed out from the narcotics then surgery and pain meds for two weeks at home no girlfriend swollen nose puffy eyes and confined to my room in depression, by now too many overwhelming emotions not to add I do have type one diabetis.
Yet another half a year later 5th surgery. CT scan shows infection detererates part of the frontal lobe bone, DR we need to go in and make some room for dranage and breathing....Death papers, cold rooms pain meds throwing up home...aloan. Flunked out of college.
A year latter 6th surgery 2009 December. Dr says there is a bit under the front side of the brain..goes in again finds some under the top of my mouth cuts it open I wake up screaming cussing even though I shouldnt nurses cant stop the pain its too intence my blood is boiling I am thinking why did I ever wake up I want to DIE! Why cant I die, crying in missery hateing everything thats in my life emotions run red and purple my brain feels like someone just hacked into it and then the nurse heres some morphine into my veins...nothing screaming tearing tired from soo much pain screaming cussin in anger at such pain ..in my mind WHY ME WHY ME is all I can think", nurse calm down hunny heres some demerol into my vein it goes....nothing crying getting dizzy but cant pass out too much pain...hunny heres andother thing of derol...nothing...DR says you need to calm down so the Meds will work..I use all my will power to slow my breathing it may help I tell my self, Dr says lets move him to a different private room...15 mon later which seems a lifeime of pain I pass out from sheer exhaustion sleep for 9 hours straight. I wake up to find me mom asleep and I call the nurse for more pain meds, talk to my mom and lie to her like always and tell her im alright now then sleep thu the night at the hospital then the morning comes I grab my meds..the wheelchair and go home 2 weeks nothing no one but my room and my sickly body. Blood sugars so out of wack every time I had a surgery I didnt know how to deal with them even with the help of 2 Dr's over the phone.
I hate and love you Body for what you put me thu but honestly SCREW YOU your not stopping me hell of high water your not stopping me from my becomeing a RN or A nurse practitioner! Sence your pain I have Gotten my Phlebotomy Certification and my CNA certification so there and you want more of that cus you have no say anymore even if I were on my death bed you can go to hell because you dont control me anymore. Yes I still have heavy pain meds and yes I have insomnia, and yes even type 1 diabetes but nothing will stop me but Jesus and his wrath because I will make a positive impact on the world wether you like it or not!!!! Medical world watch out here somes ANDREW and hes got big dreams dont get in his way!! Even if I have to do it without a woman I will but maybe one day ile find a woman and I wont but until then step aside body ANDREW is makeing all the rules now so bring on the PAIN YOU ONLY MAKE ME SRONGER!!!!