sweetheart I am so sorry for your pain, when things are hard i try to remember that life is full of good and bad experiences, it is our reactions or clinging to these experiences that heightens the suffering. Please look beyond this pain and rest in the comfort of the new found commitment in your fiance and your decision to plan of family. this little spirit was not ready to be part of your family but be assured another bright spirit already has his eyes on the love inside you and your fiance and what you will offer him or her in the near future. many, many blessings and strength beautiful girl. i offer you this Buddhist tale, i'm not sure if you have heard it before.
Kisagotami is the name of a young girl, whose marriage with the only son of a wealthy man was brought about in true fairy-tale fashion. She had one child, but when the beautiful boy could run alone, it died. The young girl, in her love for it, carried the dead child clasped to her bosom, and went from house to house of her pitying friends asking them to give her medicine for it.
But a Buddhist mendicant, thinking "She does not understand," said to her, "My good girl, I myself have no such medicine as you ask for, but I think I know of one who has."
"O tell me who that is," said Kisagotami.
"The Buddha can give you medicine. Go to him," was the answer.
She went to Gautama, and doing homage to him said, "Lord and master, do you know any medicine that will be good for my child?"
"Yes, I know of some," said the teacher.
Now it was the custom for patients or their friends to provide the herbs which the doctors required, so she asked what herbs he would want.
"I want some mustard seed," he said; and when the poor girl eagerly promised to bring some of so common a drug, he added, "You must get it from some house where no son, or husband, or parent, or slave has died."
"Very good," she said, and went to ask for it, still carrying her dead child with her.
The people said, "Here is mustard seed, take it."
But when she asked, "In my friend's house has any son died, or husband, or a parent or slave?" they answered, "Lady, what is this that you say? The living are few, but the dead are many."
Then she went to other houses, but one said, "I have lost a son"; another, "We have lost our parents"; another, "I have lost my slave."
At last, not being able to find a single house where no one had died, her mind began to clear, and summoning up resolution, she left the dead body of her child in a forest, and returning to the Buddha paid him homage.
He said to her, "Have you the mustard seed?"
"My lord," she replied, "I have not. The people tell me that the living are few, but the dead are many."
Then he talked to her on that essential part of his system -- the impermanence of all things, till her doubts were cleared away, and, accepting her lot, she became a disciple and entered the first path.