How do I say this? Where do I begin? How do I admit to myself that I am the problem? It's difficult...
I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes on March 1, 2009 at the age of 20. Between July 1, 2009 and November 2010, I spent 4 visits and stays in ICU for DKA. Each time making a solid vow to myself to do better... to treat my body and soul right and take care of myself. Each time I have failed.
I am a successful professional manager in high stress venues. I am consistently contracted to perform nearly impossible management transition tasks that only a fool would take on. I am capable of managing multi-billion dollar budgets and high-volume stressful situations and people, but I cannot, for the life of me, take the time to manage myself and my Type 1 diabetes. My last a1c result (4/20/2012) crash landed at 11.5, the worst number yet.
I do not see an Endo anymore since I lost my insurance, but I do take time to visit a local FNP that specializes in Type 1 Diabetes (he is one himself.) And my diabetes management is not a reflection of him... simply my gross attempts of taking care of myself.
I take Lantus and Novolog and I get the "general gist" of what I am supposed to do. I understand numbers and know the formulas... I just can't force myself to do right... to eat correctly, or even do the simplest thing.... take the freaking Lantus before bed.
I need help.. Motivation. Am I the only loser who will not force himself to save his own life?
I can't keep living this way. I can't keep looking at the nurse when she shows me the meter that says "313" and I say, "That's a low for me!"
Desperately needing help,