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Permalink Reply by Kirsten Sigrist on July 5, 2007 at 7:32pm

I have mixed feelings about this topic. Whether we like it or not D carries a lot of baggage with it and I don't think that it is a NON issue. Hopefully, by the time Griffin (3) is old enough to marry D WILL be a non-issue. That's my dream anyway...

Kirsten

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Permalink Reply by Lili on July 5, 2007 at 7:37pm

I think I would be upset overhearing that, too. I guess partly because it seems somehow inappropriate to me to look at marriage like that. Where's the guarantee anybody will be healthy forever? Where's the guarantee anybody will not be diabetic forever? I didn't get it until I was 27.

Then in some cases, it takes another diabetic to understand a diabetic.

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Permalink Reply by Kathy Barbis on July 6, 2007 at 7:32am

I was diagnosed before I met my husband. He knew about it before we started dating, immediately started helping with shots once we got together, supported me going on a pump more than I could have hoped and has always been outraged when rude people tell me I shouldn’t have children because I am defective and will pass the defect on to him.

That said, I have no idea if he ever considered the big D when he started thinking about marriage and a family. If he did, he has never said anything to me about it.

I know that it runs in his family and that more likely than not, he will develop type 2 eventually. It never crossed my mind that if he did develop diabetes that would make us a bad match. I think if anything, he would be lucky to have someone who understands what a person with diabetes goes through. I don’t know...

I am also bothered by what you overheard in the waiting room. But I also know that there are guys out there that are supportive and awesome and will never think twice about the baggage that comes with diabetes. Because you are right; if you love someone, you love all of them, even the needle marks and pycho emotional low BG behavior. At least that’s what he tells me :)

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Permalink Reply by Mollie on July 6, 2007 at 7:35am

For the right mate, I dont think it matters - everyone has some kind of baggage. Some people have seizures, some sleep apnea, some heart problems, some arthritus, some crazy parents, some terrible childhoods and some diabetes.

I dated a diabetic, i found i worried more about him than me - it may have been taht particular guy.

I have 4 siblings - if one of our kids had to be diagnosed with diabetes,better my kid than theirs. Thankfully all the kids are diabetic free.

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Permalink Reply by Kirsten Sigrist on July 6, 2007 at 8:18am

I hope no one has taken my post the wrong way. When I married my husband his mother was in her final years of life due to complications of D (T1), she died at age 53 in the early 90s. Most of you have not seen what I saw and hopefully, never will with all the advances that have been made in the past 30 years. So, I can't say that it didn't cross my mind that he or my potential children might develop D. I don't regret my decision now that my husband is T2 and my toddler is T1, but I think it is something that deserves serious thought along with other "baggage." My whole life now revolves around D and what I wish for most is that my son's life will not have to.

Of course, what parent has any say over their child's love life? ;)

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Permalink Reply by Katrina on July 6, 2007 at 8:29am

My husband knew about my diabetes from day one. And before I met him, I mentioned it to the guys I dated and none of them had a problem with it. Possibly because diabetes is so common in the African-American community, everyone usually knows someone who has "sugar."

That being said, I would have been upset about what the mother told her daughter too. I mean, yes, diabetes does bring up things that have to be discussed and considered in a marriage. At the same time, there are so many other diseases that are difficult to manage or control, that a person can be afflicted with that could affect a union, just the same, or even more, than diabetes.

If you love someone, you love them without exception. I mean, God forbid, but what if the woman's daughter married a non-diabetic and then he developed cancer or something? Or what if he had beaten cancer in the past? Should she not pursue a relationship based on the fact that it might come back?

Ok, I'm getting angry writing this, so I'm done. :)

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Permalink Reply by Sharon Stokes on July 6, 2007 at 10:03am

I think that everyone has issues that are hard to deal with. Diabetes is just something physical that you probably cant hide for long. But if you are dating someone they come with their own baggage and issues and complications. It just may not be diabetes. Dating someone with diabetes would be hard but to me it's no harder than dating anyone else. And, yes, when you love someone you love the whole person.

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Permalink Reply by Katrina on July 7, 2007 at 7:22am

Rainbow, while I did not have a problem with my husband, I found out later that my father-in-law basically thought my husband was marrying a woman who was going to drop dead any day from diabetes and that I was just a "medical liability" and would drain his son's savings.

This was extrememly hurtful when I found this out and due to this and other issues that my husband and I went through that he felt the need to comment on, I no longer speak to my father-in-law. But, he's in Ohio and I live in Texas, so it's not hard. Not proud of it, but it hurts that someone thinks you are just a liability.

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Permalink Reply by Daena on July 7, 2007 at 9:00am

oh my gosh. i hope i'll never have to experience that. i'm asian and family is a big deal to us. i've decided that in the future, should i date or marry any guy, him AND his family must be willing to accept diabetes as part of the package. no point dealing with a relationship which does not accept my diabetes as part of my person, i figure. i'm happily single and i don't see myself losing that status for awhile, but it may happen and if so, love me, love my diabetes!

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Permalink Reply by Cara on July 7, 2007 at 11:32am

I think that if someone has an issue with my having diabetes, I don't need them anyway. I haven't dated a whole lot in my life, but I have never had any problems thus far. I don't hide my diabetes and most people, friends and significant others, just know about it up front and look as it as another part of me.
I have a friend that allergic to sulfur drugs, one who has asthma, another who has high blood pressure. If we all spent our lives trying to improve our gene pool, we'd be alone forever.
I have personally decided that I don't want to have biological children (although I won't say never, cause then it will happen), but I do want to adopt. Diabetes is an issue with this decision, but not the final say. It's just something I have thought about over the years and really like the idea of. I was adopted myself & I feel like I want to return the favor. :)
You should marry for love and companionship, not for health reasons.

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Permalink Reply by Becky Marostica on July 7, 2007 at 11:44am

As with most of the other women who have posted on here, my entire dating life was with diabetes, and dating someone with or without diabetes was never an issue. I went to camp from 12-20, and was always hanging out with someone else who had it, and it wasn't like I planned on marrying that guy, but it didn't scare me away. My boyfriend found out about me the night we met, and he has hypoglycemia and it helps me so much that he actually gets it. The other guys I've dated didn't really care to learn about anything, and as long as I was ok thats all that matterred. I've been lucky with the guys I dated.

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Permalink Reply by Chloe on July 7, 2007 at 6:02pm

I'm glad to see that I wasn't alone in my reaction. I mean, health is promised to no one and love is a gift. That's how I see it anyway.

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