Should 2 people with diabetes date and marry?I recently overheard a conversion in the waiting room at my endo's office which first made me angry and then made me think. A teenage girl commented on how cute a boy was in the waiting room. The mother's comment was, "Honey, this is not the place to pick up boys. The last thing you should do is marry another diabetic."

It instantly made me angry, and I can't quit explain why. Was she implying that someone with diabetes was less than worthy? I know the risk of children becoming diabetic is higher, but is that enough of a reason? No one understands better what it is like than another person with the disease. And there is no guarantee 2 people with no history, won't have a child who develops diabetes. My parents had no history. Not to mention with diabetes quickly on the rise, soon it will be hard to find someone who's family has not been touched by this illness.

But I think it made me upset, because it made me think about my own dating life. Will someone question whether or not to commit to me, because of all the possible complications associated with it or the constant working around shots or low blood sugars? I mean if you love someone, you love the whole person without exception I hope.

What do you think?

Tags: dating, diabetes, marriage

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I am having a hard enough time finding someone to spend the rest of my life with without excluding people based on their health, but I can see both sides. I would only see marrying a diabetic as an issue when it came to having children. There is a genetic component and I have lived with diabetes for most of my life, so I would have to take pause to think about the risks of any future children we might have. In the end I am sure love would win out, but I do agree with Kristen that it is not a non-issue.
I'd honestly prefer for it to not even be part of the equation. I dated another Type I fairly shortly after I was diagnosed, and it was pretty awful, but it was for reasons entirely unrelated to D. I've also encountered people who were resistant (even insultingly so) because of it -- depressing, in a sense, but it makes for a good filter to bring that kind of bad side to light.

Thankfully, my current mate is completely accepting and understanding of the condition, and is trying to educate herself on it all since it has new relevance for her.
Hi. I'm Tony and I'm new around here. I was looking around some of the forums and this one caught my eye and I thought I'd comment. I've had diabetes for quite awhile now, I'm almost 33 and I've been a type 1 diabetic since I was 14, and I'm still single. When I was a teen, I really didn't take care of myself like I should have and it has rendered me disabled with neropothy and I also deal with a slight case of cp also. Since I've became disabled it's made me realize the importance of keeping myself healthy. It's also made me realize that we, as a society in whole, have a problem with how we look at ourselves and in most cases we all take our health for granted. I've especially seen this in the younger generation(keep in mind I'm 32 so I'm talking about anyone who is a teenager or younger) and those wrapped up in this technological age. We all live in a super-size me world and have an attitude of "I want it done quick and done yesterday!" Anyway, what does this have to do with dating? I've noticed, even with "generally healthy" people, they aren't as sympathetic and understanding as someone who has ANY kind of health problem, and they are more sympathetic with the person if they are a doctor, nurse, health specialist, suffer with the same problem, or have a friend/family/pet who has or is suffering with the same issue. I've found it hard for a non diabetic person to even try to understand what I'm going through and it's really hard when your at supper with someone and you have someone who thinks that your hypocritical when you just had a piece of chocolate cake for dessert and all they want to say is "a diabetic can't have sugar" when we all know that you can in moderation and you get enough insulin to cover your carbs.
What I'm pretty much trying to say is that when it comes to dating, something I don't do alot of, I really try to find someone who will be sympathetic and understanding and honestly if they are a nurse, doctor, health practitioner, aerobics instructor, or if they have type 1 or 2 diabetes than all the more to them!
My son is still a toddler, so I don't even want to think about dating but now I have, thanx lol. If anything, it'd be nice for him to fall in love with a woman (or man heck I'm open to anything) with D so she'd get it. I worry about what his life is going to be like when he's out of my nest. I worry if anyone will understand what his life is like, if he'll be shunned (he already has been by a few older kids because of D), and most of all I want him to be happy-so if that partner is someone with D it's all good. Sure their kids would be at higher risk for D, but my hubby and I don't have D and he still has it. That'd be a decision they would have to think long and hard about, but at least they'd know the signs and not rush a kid into the e.r. with DKA when it's almost too late ;)
Chloe,
hearing a comment like this would have made me a bit angry, too. What kind of message is the mom sending her daughter? That having diabetes makes you "damaged goods"? Sounds like the mother feels as though it's an inconvenience...too much work. Sheesh, i would have had a hard time holding my tongue in that waiting room, let me tell ya!
When my husband and I were on Pre-Cana (a preparation weekend to get ready for marriage through our church) our priest gave a talk that I will never forget.
He offered us a choice...if you knew that on a specific date in the future, that your husband/wife would be in an accident and lost the use of their limbs, could not work, could not make love, needed constant care from you always...would you still marry them, or walk away?
Of course, everyone said they would stay, but you could SEE it made people extremely thoughtful, and the silence in the room after that was palpable.
So love will always be ...but love without strings attached is a rare gift. My only hope is that someone will love my son with no strings attached. Pump tubing is okay. ;)
Here is an article that I recently published on dLife.com titled "Diabetes and Your Partner": http://www.dlife.com/dLife/do/ShowContent/daily_living/Viewpoints/m...

Thought this was relevant in the context of this topic.
I think it was an uninformed comment. Having two parents with diabetes does not necessarily mean that you will definitely pass diabetes on to any children that may happen as a result.

As far as dealing with the complications...my husband has absolutely no problem with my disease and everything that comes along with it. He is actually striving to learn more about type one and what he can do to help me. In the past, though, I have had guys shy away from me because of the diabetes.


I think basically, that anyone worth having in your life would accept the whole package. If someone doesn't want to be with you because of a disease you don't have then that's their damage. ;) Or at least, that is my stance on the issue.
I think the waiting room comment was reflective of the prejudices against PWDs. Some people cannot deal with having a partner with diabetes. Others can only take it for so long.
Before I got married, I was involved with someone who said she could never marry me because I had diabetes. I knew what she thought, and the relationship did not progress.
I married a woman to whom it really did not matter that much, accepting me for the whole me and knowing that no one is absolutely perfect.
Unfortunately, after many many years together, the marriage ended, in part because I did not live up to my obligation to do everything possible to take the best care of myself that I could. That was not the only reason, but it was enough.
Now, in my mid-40s, with my insulin pump, my infusion site on one thigh and my CGM on the other, I am back in the dating game again. Most women do not seem to care, but some do. One, even though the relationship had just started, found DiabetesMine and was really in to trying to understand it. It made me feel good.
I have thought that it would be easier if I tried to date women who are type 1 -- they will understand what it is like to wake up in the middle of the night with a bad hypo; they will understand the frustrations of a high a1c; they will understand how hard it is to live with this condition that, no matter how hard we try, has a seeming randomness to it sometimes. For whatever reason, I have not found someone to date who is type 1 (or at least not admitted it). I think in certain respects it could be easier, having someone who really does understand what this is all about -- but as long as she is not one of these people who seemingly effortlessly runs 6.0 a1cs all the time (because I can't and I don't, but not for want of trying. LOL.).
In any event, I do not see any reason with PWDs dating other PWDs. It could be a good thing. Then again, it might not be. It really depends on the people. There is so much more to each of us than just having diabetes. If someone is going to describe me as "that guy with diabetes", I do not want to know her.
I am a daughter of two parents with diabetes. Ever since I was a child I KNEW the importance of watching what I eat and staying healthy to avoid diabetes as much as I can control. I think it is great having two experienced parents with diabetes. I am getting tested AGAIN next week to see if I have it and I am sure I do this time as I am having the typical symptoms. It is not my parents fault though, I ate junk and was a couch potato and it is my doing. If it turns out that I do have it next week, I will be sooooo thankful that I have two parents I can look up to for help and support with it. That's just a perspective of a child of diabetic parents. Hope it helps!
I can see both sides of it. Managing diabetes is a lot of work, and I often feel badly when my diabetes gets in the way. I don't know if we're allowed to talk about diabetes as it effects sex lives, but we had an especially unpleasant incident during which I almost lost consciousness while we were in the middle of things, and my poor husband had to run around the house naked looking for my meter and getting juice so he could take care of me. So, ya, it's a problem. We cope, but some moments are more difficult than others. I give him a lot of credit for accepting it and always being patient. I imagine being married to a diabetic guy would make things easier in some ways, but more complicated in other ways.

As for procreating, I had a tubal ligation. I couldn't live with myself if I passed my craptacular diabetic depressed genes on to another human being. From where I sit, it was the responsible thing to do. However I work with kids who have all kinds of problems, so I have my own opinions about parenting and choosing to be parents that are rather unconventional.

It's a complicated subject altogether though, and I don't think it's necessarily fair to begrudge someone because they hold a certain opinion. Whether or not I agree, I can certainly understand why a mom of a diabetic kid might not like the idea of her kid getting together with another diabetic.
I'm T1, and my fiance is a recovering alcoholic. To complicate things further, we both deal with bipolar and depression (I like to say we'd make for a good sitcom). My diabetes was one of the things that made my fiance MORE interested in me when we started dating, because it meant he'd found someone who recognized her own mortality.
T2 runs in his family, and he sees my diabetes as a blessing because it's taught him the importance of eating healthy, and eating on a schedule so he doesn't feel out of sorts. If/when he becomes T2, you can bet we'll be sticking together.
I remember the summer romances at diabetes camp, but I don't remember anyone ever saying it wouldn't work if both people are diabetic. That mom needs a wake up call. Chloe, you're right, health isn't promised. She should see how lucky she is just to have her daughter, not screwing up her worldview.
i dunno what to say, but i think if you really love the person, whether he./she is a diabetic or not, it wont matter at all. as they say, "Love conquers everything"..

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