Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by BadShoe on May 20, 2008 at 3:38pm

We went to Children With Diabetes' conference last summer and their teen sessions were very good. Both the sessions for the teens and the how to be a parent of a teen diabetic.

If you get the opportunity it was very good and well worth the time and money.

Here is a little example one of the teachers there talked about:

She doesn't have to like diabetes she has to do the behaviors of care for it. What would happen if she stayed out a few hours past the time she was due home, came rolling up the front yard in a car driven by 20 something, beer cans rolling out the door as it opened, etc...?

Would there be consequences for dangerous behavior?

The test number is the test number it isn't good or bad. I wouldn't reward the number but she has to test and she has to respond appropriately. That is the needed behavior test & correct.

It is hard but try to separate your emotions from the deal. Focus on the behaviors, they are not negotiable.

I know it is a lot more than that, good luck.


Bennet
Your Diabetes May Vary
www.YDMV.net

Permalink Reply by Kevin McMahon on May 21, 2008 at 7:55am

Hey Bennet, that sounds like Barbara Anderson! She's awesome. She also co-authored a position statement for the ADA published back in 2005 called "Care of Children and Adolescents With Type 1 Diabetes"; well worth a read to get a handle on what's been generally accepted and successful across the board.

Christi, unfortunately it sounds like your diabetes team didn't teach continued parental involvement from the start and with 4 years of groundwork already laid a new diabetes team is in order. At a minimum you might want to print out the ADA statement and drop it on your doctor next time you see him/her.

Don't give up - she's worth the fight!

Permalink Reply by Katie B on May 20, 2008 at 5:07pm

Hi Christi,

You might also check out the website www.type1parents.org

Many of the parents on there ALSO have teens with D, and I'm sure that one of more of those kids would be willing to email/IM/facebook/MySpace with your daughter to give her support and encouragement.

Having been a high school teacher, I know that sometimes the voice of reason sometimes has to come from anyone EXCEPT a parent. When I was teaching, I spent a lot of my down time talking with some of my students who just needed to know that another adult cared deeply about them.

It might also be time to have her see photographs of some of the more gruesome stuff that can happen in terms of complications. I once listened to our CDE have a pretty serious sit-down conversation with a teen whose last few A1Cs had been above 10% -- she definitely brought out the big guns and talked about all the things that WILL happen when no attempt is made at good glycemic management.

I agree with BadShoe, that attending a conference or perhaps a diabetic camp might be a great motivator for your daughter, and help her feel like less of an outsider.

Good luck! We're all rooting for you.

Permalink Reply by MaryBeth on May 21, 2008 at 6:37am

My son just turned 15 and was diagnosed at 10 also. We've had our ups and downs with his control of his diabetes. It seems as if about once or twice a year he'll have what we call the "diabetic meltdown". You know how it goes "I dont want this disease anymore, why did God choose me, you don't know what I'm going through, I hate diabetes, etc, etc." Last year was the worst, as he wasnt testing his blood sugar at school and would come home either really high or really low. After several attempts at talking about "control" he finally said he was embarrassed to do his blood sugar test in front of his friends and that he just wanted to be "normal". He said when he was with his friends he didn't think about his diabetes and if he felt his blood sugar flucuate he would just ignore it. We ended up making a compromise that he would stop by the nurses office on his way to lunch so he could test in private. Sometimes he did and sometimes he didn't. We also pulled back on some of his priveleges such as going over friends houses, or going to the movies etc. It's a difficult line to walk because we didn't want him to think we were punishing him for having diabetes so the way we explained it was until he showed us he was taking responsibility we loved him too much to put his health and LIFE in jeopardy. We made no bones about life-long complications but we also made no bones about the fact that the short term complications could be death.

This year has been a bit better. He still has his bad days when he "forgets" to bolus at lunch, or take his blood sugar before an exam, but he's working at it. Between the typical teen hormones, growth spurts, and attitude :) , we just keep telling ourselves it won't be like this forever! Good luck to you and know you are not alone. We do the best we can!

Permalink Reply by dino on May 21, 2008 at 7:25am

This brings up a good point. Having to tell your friends that you are diabetic during these years is potentially opening yourself up to a battery of ignorant questions and false judgments by your peers. I remember it vividly...

"Why do you have to prick your finger?"..."You must of eaten a lot of sugar as a kid!"..."Look Dino's gonna inject himself with sugar!"..."Can I get diabetes from eating too much candy?"

I think most diabetics in their teens would rather talk about something else, right?

The worst part was actually being punished by my parents for being a "bad" diabetic. As a teen, that just made me want to check my sugar even less and lose control completely.

These years can be critical. I really do suggest that you parents get your teens involved somehow in these forums and groups. Otherwise, get them talking with another diabetic "mentor" somehow. There is nothing like knowing that there are others like you who deal with this ridiculous disease.

Permalink Reply by Lynn (mom of teen with type 1) on May 21, 2008 at 7:17am

Christi --
WOW!!! This thread (advice/understanging/venting) is JUST what I'm seeking as well. My daughter -- dx @ age 6 -- will turn 16 next month. She has generally been a responsible caretaker of her diabetes. That said, her last A1C was over 10!!! She has recently been VERY resentful of my involvement in her self-care. She was a pumper for 6+ years and decided 2 months ago to take a "pump vacation" -- in her mind this is forever! Not that she was perfect on the pump by any stretch of the imagination but, now, on a regimen of lantus and novolog her numbers are consistently above 200 :(
I, too, struggle with how to deal with her when she says "you just don't understand" or "let me handle it!"
She has attended summer camp for years and, this year, has been chosen to be a CIT (counselor in training) -- it is my hope and prayer that she will come back with a renewed sense of what it means to really take care of herself.
The daily battle is getting SO old -- questions about blood sugars being met with "made up numbers", suggestions about carb counting being met with "Ieave me alone"...

All that said, being connected with other kids/teens with diabetes has made a HUGE difference. She at least has the ability to "IM" her diabetic friends (from camp) and scream about what a pain in the a.. her parents are!
Now that there are so many social networks out there, maybe your daughter can hook up online with other diabetic teens. I'll ask my daughter if she knows of any that are national. In the meantime, there's a place for kids with diabetes here http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/kids/.
Hang in there -- we're all in this one together for our WONDERFUL teens who just have'nt gotten to the "ownership" phase with regard to their diabetes!
~Lynn

Permalink Reply by Stuart on June 14, 2008 at 5:29pm

Hello Lynn:

Straight faced ask her a goofy question instead...

"...Hey hon what's the price of tea in China..."

When she gives you glaring/bug eyes, tell her "....its impossible, and you know it, so instead of asking the same dopey question you wanted to ask her a silly one (by which you meant the exact the same thing... what's you number...)

Talking with them is easy, holding their attention is far harder... (I vote sneaky & stealthy every time when required).

How bout ".... hi sweetie, I just tested...... CLICK.... *@#@#&@* that hurt... what the heck do you have you lancet thingy set at 10 million, judist priest... HEY I got a 79 what'd you get..."

Use any of her old strips... (you'll get an error message but she won't know that
GET a drop of your own blood.... (on the used strip)
SHOW HER, that you will do it too.... every single time,

You will keep doing it because you want her to do it, and will continue to do that until she does... or until she says stop...

100% guaranteed you will talk because of it.

Stuart

Permalink Reply by Jan on May 21, 2008 at 12:23pm

Hi, I will be watching this thead with much interest (my niece is 11 and I know we have to learn more to handle her teens). I would be at my wits end at the scenario you describe. You have tried paying her (which is a good motivation for a lot of young teens). So positive reinforcement did not work. I guess I would take away privileges and immediately take over as many diabetes-related tasks as I possibly could. I would again test the blood sugar, as many times a day as necessary. I would give the bolus or shot for meals/snacks. I would log the records. I would make her go to the school nurse to have BS tested and bolus at lunch. And as far as going out with friends, freedom of any kind, I would make that privilege contingent on whether she will take care of herself while out of your sight. I don't know if that is the approved way to handle this. But what else can you do? You need to make sure you raise her into adulthood physically healthy. Even if what I have described is not emotionally healthy. And I would seek counseling immediately. I'm sure she will come around if she gets help.

Permalink Reply by Jan on May 30, 2008 at 8:31am

My son was diagnosed April 4, 2004. He is 14 now. He also has never had good readings either. He will check maybe 3 times a day and one of those is at school where it is mandatory. On the weekends good luck. I've also been to the local parents meetings and was really incomfortable when none of the kids ever had high blood sugar. Their mom's are nurses and I'm sure keep a tighter rope on them than I do. I don't know how to make him understand what is going to happen to him in the future if he can't get a grip on this. It's like he's superman and nothing can hurt him. The fuutre is too abstract for him to understand. He keeps telling me they are going to find a cure and he won't have it anymore. He is embarrassed at school by testing. He has had a teacher make a big scene when he was getting low.

Anyone have any ideas on how to get through to him?

Permalink Reply by Stuart on June 14, 2008 at 4:52pm

Hello Jan:

Sure... I have a thought or two

However first I'm going to have to DISARM YOU and take away your "bad mommy stick" that you keep beating yourself with!!!!

Lets also make another thing PAINFULLY painfully clear.

He will NOT die from not testing. It is preferrable, it is far, far smarter, but HE WILL NOT DIE WITHOUT THEM. You forget there are three, four generations of diabetics on this list. We peed on things for the first 20 years of our lives and that was TESTING

DIabetes has four sides. Insulin, diet, exercise and the MIND. You can do it with three of the four. If your son is religious about when and what he eats, and is not sucking down soda (sic like beer at a college party), not sucking down wing dings, twinkies, etc as if they were cucumber slices. If he eating is good, his quantities are sharp & correct. He's ahead of 99.9% of us already.

Try eyeballing a 4oz steak correctly ; )

Does your son have a healthy exercise schedule, a habit of exercise (ie without sitting on his rear end and playing video/computer for 6 hours everyday after school). Does he have physical activities that keep him active?

Insulin is a tricky thing. You can do it tightly, or loosely. You can micromanage how much you use, test 15 times a day and correct (sic overcorrect) every reading he receives. Alll kinds of approaches to take. This approach of test THEN shoot has only been in existance for what maybe, maybe 20 years????

The proceedure used to be shoot in the morning and eat at specific times per day in order to cover all the insulin peaks & activity peaks. This test shoot routine is fairly new. And it encounters a whoooooooooole slew of people who get literally broken by doing so... eg mental ping-pong, spiritual-emotional exhaustion, denial, etc., etc.

The object is not perfect, the object is day to day, doing our best. You cannot ask more of any of us. Myself... personally I violently distrust those who play the sugar police games, or who IME are paranoid about their kids control (or their own). 250, 195, 312, 69, they are numbers, only numbers. You try and figure out what caused them... and let it go. If you find a habit a pattern of them you're ahead of the game.

Go ballistic about any of it, and you've opened the proverbial door to ~hell~.

First things first... I want to talk YOU off the ledge, keep you on sound footing, then we tackle your son's headspace.

Stuart

Permalink Reply by BadShoe on May 30, 2008 at 3:38pm

teens can be reached:

http://ydmv.blogspot.com/2008/01/dr-freud-endocrinologist-and-teen....

Permalink Reply by Stuart on June 14, 2008 at 4:22pm

Hello badshoe:

Looked at the link but could NOT find any of the necessary "details" specific to Christi, and others difficulties with their kids. Example was there a "specific link" which gave the "Dr. Freud" Lecture that I just somehow missed???

Unclear but hoping...
Stuart

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