Oh dear... where do I start? I guess with today, after I saw the first newsletter of the Diabetes Hand Foundation and all the wonderful things Manny and other TuDiabetes.com members have done. Or maybe I should start with when I saw the LifeScan TV ad and I felt like crying because I was happy to be part of it all.
I was at work, and I sent an IM to Manny to congratulate him and tell him I wish I had more time to help. But I am helping! I am now a Diabetes Care Coordinator at a diabetes supplies company. I love my job! I love working with people who need to take care of their diabetes. I love it when I'm able to get their orders going, when they thank me for what I do, when they tell me "God bless you!" over the phone. I laugh with my customers, and I also cry with them. I have so many stories... good ones, bad ones, happy ones, sad ones. Diabetes comes in all colors, shapes, ages... It is amazing. So yes, I'm helping... others. Me? Not so much these days.
I was supposed to go for an appointment with my endocrinologist about a month ago. I canceled it because I didn't go for my blood work. I didn't go for my blood work because since I started working full time, I haven't been able to manage my diabetes properly and I'm not looking forward to my A1C results. It's like a very bad cycle, where I don't do what I need to do, and I don't change it.
So today I told Manny I had to come here and look for support, or maybe a kick in the butt to do something about this procrastination. I am trying to eat well and I don't skip my medications, but it's hard to control what I eat after 3 years of eating at home. Some days I feel just so hungry! And exercise has become a distant memory... I use my busy schedule and my tiredness as an excuse. Horrible!
But I think coming here to write this down and confess how awful I feel about it all helps a lot. I am not looking for "poor you's" -- I am looking for support, not pity. I am looking to share the way I feel sometimes when I wish I didn't have diabetes; when I feel it's such a hassle.
First thing I need to do is go see my doctor and tell her how much I've messed up. And then we'll see.