Hi, my son jacob is responsible about his D and struggles more with the emotional side of dealing with D. His biggest issue is being different and he has trouble sharing anything about his D with his friends. I think most of this is personality and age related, he is 14. I just feel so bad when I can't seem to find the right words to make him feel better. I think when anything is bothering him his D comes into it as part of a downward spirial. He is not "depressed" just expressing sadness, and my lame I know how you feel,I am here for you, you have this and that going for you ect. only makes him feel worse. Any good ideas on how to help? If I let him be he ussually comes around, I guess this is all part of growing up and dealing with all kinds of emotions, but when D seems to be the biggest player in his angst of course I feel bad and want to help. One major trigger is when he has to change his omnipod, it is a hastle it hurts and it reminds him of how dependent he is on his pump I guess. Oh and despite my suggestions he is not interested in joining tu, he wants to treat and pretend he is "normal". I would appreciate any words of wisdom!
thanks AR a few kind words go a long way! we have talking briefly about the drinking thing i dont think he is there yet, but yes knowledge would be power in that situation, luckily for me he does not seem to have your rock in roll side! he prefers aquascaping for now and dreams of fish tanks and surfs the web looking at fish and plants for his tank, yes i am sure he has other thoughts too! thanks again! amy
I should have been more clear about a couple things. I think it's great that you are on here and taking an active role learning about diabetes and getting support from other parents. I wish my mom was more like you when I was growing up!
When I mentioned going out for dinner I didn't mean you shouldn't discuss it but just be sensitive. Let him bring it up. I remember being out for dinner we would order and 10 minutes later like clockwork my mom would say "Saren maybe you should take your insulin now?". It drove me nuts - I knew I needed to take my insulin soon it wasn't like I was going to forget! In a scenario like this I think it would be much better to just wait. It dinner arrives and I had forgot tell me then.
Don't take it too personal about my commenting on your name and pic - as you said a lot of mothers seem to be doing it these days. I think it's a really bad trend and you just happened to be the one and only mother I mentioned it to (so far). Teenagers are just really concerned about their public image and having one forced on them by their parents is horrendous.
Again I think you are doing great being a part of his diabetes. I should have said that earlier! I think parents just need to be careful about pushing their kids to be more public about it and let them "come out" in their own time.
i got you on that, jacob is a sensitive kid so i let him lead the way on this, honestly though one of the most stressful parts of having diabetes for him was not telling people initially and having the anxiety about someone seeing him bolus, bump into his pod, ask him why he goes to the nurse everyday, so he is out now with a bunch of boys at school and as i suspected they are more interested in him than his D, now that they are aware there has been a big burden lifted off his shoulders and i am hoping he will continue to grow into himself accepting all parts and maybe someday supporting others or simply leading by a good example! thanks! jacobs mom aka amy lol i am far to lazy to change or post a pic of myself!!
So sorry to hear, and I know how hard it must be on you too.
Not sure if this idea would help, but at one time I helped out with a support group with kids, although a bit younger, and not medical related. But they were having to adjust to something they didn't like, didn't cause, and couldn't prevent.
One of the activities was to read stories about kids in different situations, and ask the kids what they might say to the person in the story, to help them deal with that situation. We also asked them what they thought the character was feeling and thinking.
In general, when they described how the characters might feel, it may be a reflection of their own feelings, or how they describe feelings that may give you some insight.
Another thing we told them was that it was OK to be MAD at their situation, and not 'like it', but did need to learn to deal with it. During one meeting we let them yell and shout out if they felt like it - although that did turn out to be a bit crazy and loud.
It's also possible some of his sadness is a reflection of him feeling responsible for some of your sadness and hardship, as I felt towards my parents. My strongest memory was simply wanting 'it' to go away, and to be 'normal', and it just took time.
I agree with that comment. I mean camp may be really beneficial but as a 10 year old child dealing with diabetes it was the LAST thing I would have wanted to do. It to me would have been just another reminder of being "different" and yes I know we are ALL different D or not. But I think if he could meet another D kid his age or a little older that wasn't in a group or camp setting, and was just a kid in REAL life he knew that was going through the same challenges and BS that is D, that might help. Also some people just do NOT want to be all that vocal about their D. I for one don't want to be. I don't want it to be a topic of conversation with all my co-workers anytime I go to eat something they don't deem "appropriate" for a D. Not realizing for ONE I am eating a small portion and for two I bolused for it, and for three NO ONE likes the food police. But that's what it turns into. I'd rather NOT have to deal with that. Im not advocating throwing control out the window and just go nuts and eat and do like everyone else, but I don't want to have to deal with that ALL the time either.
you've got a pulse on jacob there! and i agree sharing can lead to unwanted comments, people are sooooo ignorant at times, i think jacob just needs to get the word out only so it doesnt weight so heavy on him and to realize there probably will not be anything bad that comes out of sharing just a weight off his back, i think supporting someone with D should be recognizing their struggle with 0 judgement isnt this what we all want in life anyways! wishing it for you christy. amy
Hey there! Sorry you/we have to go through this!! I like reading your posts because it gives me food for thought for when I get there with my child. But when Sophia (just turned 7 so a far cry from 14 I know) says "I hate having diabetes" I say "I hate that you have diabetes too. Everyone who has it wishes they didn't have it". I also tell her the EVERYBODY has SOMETHING. Some you can see with your eyes and some you can't. She has diabetes. Someone else may have cancer. A little girl in her class last year was autistic and Sophia liked to interact with her and talk to me about how she was different but couldn't help it. I tell her some kids don't have enough to eat or a mommy and daddy who love them and that can hurt more than taking care of diabetes. I just want to set the ground work for her that NO ONE is PERFECT. She also likes to talk about when she was diagnosed and how I cried at the doctor's office and how much I cried. I know it sounds weird but she wants the details of how many times a day I cried and how many days in a row I cried, and if I still cry.... I am very honest with her and I tell her all the answers to her questions like "I cried every day for 90 days at least!" and "I still cry about it every once in a while but when I do it makes me feel a better that I let it out". I think the camp sounds like a wonderful idea and I can't wait to be able to send Sophia. Maybe he could volunteer with kids that "have something". Even a big brother/big sister type club where he is helping someone less fortunate than he. Take care :)
thanks all for your thoughts, after a tough week, really bad thursday night fueled by high blood sugars and a pod change, ? partial oclusion, he had been running better than ussual, it seems like we have a pump issue about one a month or so which is always challenging for him, death looks for mom! jacob was very affectionate and apalogetic last night, as he tends to be. i just think at 14 his coping skills arent quite there yet. at least he sees things correctly at the light of day, ussually! we talked about him having some friends over, he needs more social time and this will give him a chance to casually bring up his D where he feels safe. hoping for the best, so glad i have you all to bounce things off of, even putting it out there helps, hubby always thinks i have something do to with the drama and downward cycle of jacobs mood, maybe i do, the only thing that i can say works is stepping back and trying not to hover in that situation which i am still working on we have been though this before and he always come through with his genuine enthusiasm for things like his pets and his fish hobbiest obsession! better that than something else off to the store for a new angel fish this morning. thanks again all! amy
Sounds like you're doing great, Amy. Do consider my suggestion of hooking up with some other parents of Type 1 kids. If you get involved with JDRF family activities Jacob might end up following you one day. And since you like talking to people on here I'm sure it would really help you to talk with other parents who understand what you are going through.
i agree zoe, just with the business of life, trying to get more of my yoga business going and all the kids stuff going on to seek support seems like an extra step that i am not sure i have time for, extra commitments can stress me out! i agree with you though it could be very benefical to meet "live" support,no offense! but i think that is why alot of folks appreciate tu it is right there at your finger tips, and so appreciated! blessings, amy
I understand, Amy, but you can't take care of other people if you don't take care of yourself. And it would also be modeling using support for D - saying that "going to share with other people who have similar issues" is a healthy and positive thing. When I went to that conference I saw many families there with kids Jacob's age. He might not follow you the first time you go, but after awhile being a part of JDRF (or whatever ) activities can become a family thing.
Yes, it is the same motive that leads us to seek out TuD, but there is still no comparison to live interaction with others in the same boat.Ok, I'll stop trying to convince you now..lol