Depression sucks the will to take care of ourselves right out of us. We need to fight back against that urge to just wallow and give up. Easier said than done sometimes? Oh, yeah. You'll be reminding me of this in the not too distant future. That's diabetes.
A few ideas: Are you getting enough good-quality rest? Are you monitoring and correcting your vitamin D levels? Do you consciously inject humor into your everyday life? I mean consciously make an effort to surround yourself with humorous cartoons, funny movies, people who are amusing, funny songs, silly cat videos, whatever makes you smile? When you have a choice between renting a melodrama or a comedy, do you consciously pick the comedy? This is a kind of mental hygiene that I have found makes a big difference in how I feel day to day, week to week. Wallowing in sad movies, books about famous suicides, dark and melodramatic symphonies, etc. feels "comfortable" when we're depressed, but that kind of mental "diet" is NOT helping us pull out of our temporary darkness, our hopeless phase.
Instead of bashing yourself when you're already down, make a list of the GOOD things you are doing:
1) You are pumping. That takes a lot of effort. YAY for you!
2) You are using the CGM. More effort. Take a bow.
3) You are testing four times per day. That's more work. GOOD.
So you're not perfect. Who is ?!?!!!??
I applaud your efforts and know that you are doing a lot of work in the face of this nasty disease. Give yourself a certificate, a dozen roses and a hug. We can all do better. Every one of us COULD do better. But if your endo only had negative things to say (? or was that just the depression talking ?) then he should take a walk in your shoes one week and see how hard it is -- and how hard you're working.
If you're seriously worried about being a burden to your husband, try thinking of one especially nice thing you could do for him each day. If the nurturing and caring is flowing both ways, then there should be no question of things being unbalanced. As a side benefit, thinking about nice things to do for other people is a good way to distract ourselves from our negative thoughts; it helps love flow through us and lift our spirits on the way through.
Well said..I agree with JeanV 100%.
Awesome post, JeanV. You nailed it.
JeanV - I like your response about choosing humor instead of melodrama. I used to choose the latter - always. I wallowed in it. Now I look for comedies and things that make me laugh. It does help. Thanks.
What a great response! Thanks, JeanV. This is very helpful.
Very well said JeanV.
Jean, can you just come spend a week with me?? I think you will be the best pick-me-upper!!
Hi Jean, you don't know me...I'm rather new here. Your reply to LAB was absolutely the most encouraging and from-the-heart response I've ever read! As someone said, right on the money! I just posted something recently about "Ready to give up" or something to that affect. God bless you for your kind and loving response!! It is a very depressing and frustrating disease. I've been thru cancer, bypass surgery (that has been pretty depressing in itself), high-blood pressure (hard to control previously) and a whole list of health issues but this "new" thing with insulin is out-of-this-world exasperating!! I've had diabetes for about 20 years and always been on pills. You are an angel!! :)
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. Depression is a real disease that needs treatment. I'd suggest seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist/licensed clinical social worker and get some help dealing directly with the depression. Getting out of the black hole will make it easier (or even possible) to put more effort into getting your diabetes under control and getting control is the best way to minimize the chance of further problems.
I think we all have dark days. Have you read "Diabetes Burnout" by William Polonsky?
You aren't crazy and your feelings are perfectly understandable. But you don't have to feel this way. You can do something about your condition. You can take better care of yourself. And you can feel happy. You just need to work on it.
Think about reading the book.
That's a great book, bsc. I think I should re-read it every year -- just like changing the batteries in the smoke alarm, once is not enough. This disease is a MARATHON that never ends; we need tools and tricks to keep pushing through it. He has some great ideas and perspectives to share. Thanks for reminding us.
There's a definite difference between "feeling down" and being clinically Depressed. If you are just having a hard time (feeling down) there are many things you can do to feel better and be more motivated. But if you are clinically depressed those things are unlikely to make much of an inroad. Only a mental health professional can do an assessment to determine if you are Depressed and then prescribe things such as medication and therapy. If you have tried several things to motivate yourself in terms of your Diabetes and otherwise, and they don't seem to be working, than a visit to a Mental Health professional for assessment couldn't hurt.