I'm a stressed college student. There aren't a lot of people that understand what I'm going through. I'm not a huge person but I want to get back down to the weight that I want to be at and it's hard because when I make a dedication to do it, I end up having to eat more than I want because of lows(constantly moving around so it's hard to stabilize). I've never really had a love life or too many good friends...or even people that care enough to understand me. I have my family, but sometimes I don't like to tell them because my mom already worries a lot about me, she doesn't need the stress. Few other things that are making me feel this way but I don't want to get into...
But i've heard of Diabetic depression and I feel that I suffer from it and can't seem to slip out of it... i'm not one to have people make over me so i'm usually quiet about the issue, but i'm depressed and lonely and I honestly wouldn't care if God took me home tomorrow...and sometimes I find myself begging him that he would. I feel that I need a counselor or a support group or something, but i'm pretty sure that there isn't one around.. I just wish there was someone that understood what I go through to talk to a lot, or that I had a really good friend that would try to understand.. I just don't know what to do and I can't take a lot of breaks for anything because I have to stay focused with school and the fast pace...
Been trying to save for a car I know I'd be happier if I wasn't depending on public transportation all of the time (volunteering/furthering my career) so I was hoping that would help with the depression maybe?...because I just don't know what else to do to make me happy :(
Was wondering if anyone has had my experience or even diabetic depression... any advice on how to get happy? I'm trying I really don't want to feel this way!
Friends have just said, "well don't be depressed then Brea"!... Umm it's not that easy, people act like depressed people want to feel this way... it's frustrating...

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The two things that helped me the most were 1) being in debauched psychedelic rock bands when I was in college. I met people and made (and still have...) close friends from that era. While I was partying my brains out, it was useful diabteswise to check at 2:00 in the morning to see if I needed some more insulin to drink some more beer. I didn't know anything about carb counting or anything like that but, most of the time it worked out pretty well. Same thing for "bike rides to the moon" where we'd get blasted and go cruise around on our bikes, sometimes towing my roommate on his sk8 board. Not anything sensible but it got me out and about. I also studied what I really liked and was concurrently throwing myself pretty deeply into that.

Then, later it was 2) Martial arts. I'd gained weight using insulin and food as "party drugs" and was 37, 275 lbs, and needed to do something. The incremental progress of the school I went to was very useful, one thing at a time, practice over and over again and then succeed and get a new, more challenging thing to do. When I started I was like "there is no way I will ever do that!" looking at some more advanced students but eventually got to where I could do it well. It also helped me get focused on losing weight and keeping my BG in line because I was working out 5-6 days/ week and had so much stuff to learn (on top of a job...) that I felt like if I missed classes, I'd get "behind". At one point, my A1C was drifting up, as I was cutting back on food and insulin but not in any organized way, just "hmm, if 40U of NPH would cover a bacon cheeseburger @ lunch, maybe hmmm, about 30U for PBJ sandwich?". Trial and lots of errors. Eventually the goals at the academy got me to the point where I decided to try a pump that made a lot of things fall ino place.

I think that you could apply these models to just about any type of hobby activity but those were two that I considered useful in that I met people and had a lot of fun being part of communities that had nothing to do with diabetes. Every now and then I'd meet someone with diabetes and that was interesting but it wasn't my "goal". It put the diabetes in a part of my life where it wasn't the whole thing?
So sorry you are feeling this way Brea.. I had stints of depression on and off from the time I was 15 until I was in my early 40's. I have been Type one for 43 years and most of my depressions were NOT diabetes related....Though I will say that a low blood sugar will drive me into the "weepies" at times.

I discovered that my perception of WHO I am and WHOSE I am was off kilter when I was depressed, I believed the little malevolent voices ( from my inner pyche? evil forces?) that tried to make me feel that I was so different, so bad, so unworthy of life...It was not until I realized that "God does not make junk". Even when I am not getting all I think I want from life or am having an economic, health, romantic, or a school crisis.....I am still His child. Honey He will "take you hoime" when it is your time to go. I KNOW he has many positive things for you to do right now.Have you read the books Using Insulin and/ or Pumping Insulin by John Walsh?.. They are invaluable to getting in control. It is great that you have a Dexcom. Are you still using the Omnipod as well?
Some people will say to read the bood Diabetes Burn-out by Polonsky. I have only read excerpts, but I have been told it is a good resource as well. Can you check your unicersity heaklth center, for a counselor,m or look uo the local ADA ot even local JDRF on the net. You may be able to find resources for support grouos with young adult type ones in your city.
It is not easy to get over being depressed, I know how hard it is. But again, Brea, as I said, It could be in your perception of your self-worth.

Acidrock's suggestions to get involved in communities that have little to do with diabetes is a helpful one. You said you do volunteer work and go to school, quite a lot, figuratively, "on your plate". What accomplishements !!Pat yourself on the back!!

Hope you start feeling better soon. Tudiabetes is a wonderful site and you will find many kind, caring, informed diabetics here who do understand.

God Bless,
Brunetta
I'm going to take a look at those books definitely and try to find support groups. Also, I stopped using the Dexcom b/c it was giving me bad readings for a period of time but I will start using that again eventually. I don't use the Omnipod anymore because it gave me horrible skin issues, and my A1C has improved a lot since I've gotten off of that and have just used insulin shots.
I should definitely join more communities, i'm just not one to reach out to people; i'm very reserved. I have noticed that TuDiabetes is a great site and am happy that i've joined it since developing diabetes. I haven't really checked around a lot for counselors because last I heard there was a fee... I don't have the type of money for that, but maybe my insurance will cover it so I'll try it.
It could be in my perception of my self worth... i'm not sure where this all started but there's been this kind of feeling in me for awhile but certain events bring them out I suppose? I don't know. But your response gave me a lot to think about. Thanks a lot for caring you helped me more than you know :)
It also took a lot for me to admit problems that I have because I usually don't talk about these type of feelings and am seen as the person that "has it all together" & is "mature for my age"... so it's makes me uncomfortable a little to admit that I suffer from certain societal issues etc
I understand. I am in groups that I haven't really kept up with :/ I have friends and have met a lot of people, I have close friends, but I feel like I don't have that one friend to connect with... if you know what I mean. I decided that maybe I just wouldn't eat during the day because my blood sugars don't move around much when I don't use insulin... and I'll eat one healthy meal at night? Idk it's tough! Thanks for the advice!
I am like Brunetta, the times that I have been depressed and struggling with things, it usually didn’t have anything to do with diabetes.

I am signed up to get daily messages and weekly podcasts from Joel Osteen. Some days I swear his messages were written for what I was going thru at the time. A couple years ago, I went thru a really bad period. It seemed like every time I turned around, the message that I kept hearing was that God did not promise that you wouldn’t have to go into the fire, but He did promise to get thru the fire. I started asking God to give me the strength to get thru and He did.

Now the message I seem to keep hearing is that God won’t let what was meant for your harm prosper and that has become my new daily prayer. Granted, God is not going to reverse diabetes for you, but some of the things that you hate about diabetes is making you a better person. You are more compassionate than others around you. You are organized. You are responsible. You are a good problem solver. You know that just because plan A worked yesterday doesn’t mean that it will work today so you find something else that will work. When you finish school and go to work full time, you are going to be several steps ahead of your classmates because of those traits. Some of the stuff you actually hate today will help you advance in your career!

I find I feel better about things when I am able to help other people. Would it surprise you to know that your posting this helped me this morning? I read your message before going upstairs and I didn’t know how to answer you. I have been having energy problems and I wanted to do 20 minutes on the treadmill this AM. I didn’t think I was going to make it after one minute on the treadmill. I started thinking about how to answer you and before you know it, I hit my 20 minutes. So your posting this helped me!

Try to spend a little time every day doing something you enjoy. Spend more time on TuD. Sometimes I am frustrated because my BS shot up to 200 for no reason and I log in to see someone else dealing with 400 – suddenly, that 200 doesn’t look so bad! Or 20 other people were sitting at 200 and you know that you are not alone. I don’t have anyone in real life that gets the diabetes stuff, so coming here really does help with that.

Sometimes just writing about it helps too. I started a blog and sometimes I write things in pure anger but I get a message from someone that what I said helped them. There are a lot of people struggling with the same things you are. Even if you don’t have the answers, sometimes writing will not only help you but other people struggling with the same thing.
Thanks! This brought tears to my eyes :) & all of the things that you said are right, diabetes has definitely made me a stronger person for sure... I do need to do more things that I enjoy, I spend the majority of my time on schoolwork and need to find a way to fit other things in. I know a problem that I have is that I don't have a church home in the area that I attend school. I need to find one, or at least a Bible study although transportation is always an issue until I get a car -_-...
I will spend more time here, I go through time periods when I spend more time here and periods when I don't..
I definitely need a blog or just somewhere to write down my feelings. I'm not sure which blog area to go to? Do you have any suggestions?
Also, it's probably just all of the life issues, diabetes just kind of sits there as the top one since it's right there in my face everyday... I need to work on my underlying issues...
Brea your post/reponses and Kelly's let me know just How
God works things, even our health issues, together for good. He has never failed me and will never fail me !! You are both a wonderful strong persons and joining with you both has more than helped me in my endeavors today!
NOT sure about the best way to start a blog.. But some kind person will lead you to that info . You can "Google" up a church congregation or Student faith-based group on or near your campus. I will message you some on-line sites for studies.(Joel Olsteen is great, thanks Kelly.) Take care.

God Bless.
Brunetta
I am glad you found help in your endeavors today Brunetta! Brea's question helped me too.

I really Joel's positive messages and it really helps when you are down in the dumps.
I didn’t mean to make you cry Brea! Transportation is tough for me also. I can’t drive because of neuropathy and have to depend on others for rides. I use my computer to get out & see the world. Even if you can’t get to a church or Bible study, there is a lot online so you can probably find one that you like. In yesterday’s podcast, Joel Osteen said that he picked up his wife’s phone when it started vibrating after she left it on the counter & she was getting inspirational messages texted to her every 2 hours. Even people that seem like that have it all need those messages also.

I have my blog on Wordpress.com – it is totally free unless you want to add stuff on but they offer enough that you don’t have to. A friend of mine told me Google’s Blogger was better but I didn’t really like them. WP has over 100 different themes to choose from so you can probably find something that you like. I have had mine their about 1 ½ years and have gone thru at least 10 different themes – every time I find one I like, they come out with a new one and I end up changing themes. I just bought my own domain name in Sep but still have my blog on WP. I have seen other people with blogs on Blogger that managed to do some nice stuff with theirs, but I couldn’t figure it out! Mine is at http://kellywpa.com/ if you want to check it out. If you decide to go with WP and have some questions, I will try to help.
It was good tears :) I will check out the different sites also, thanks a lot :)
Hi Brea,

Sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time right now. The suggestions that Acid and Kelly made are good, and I agree with them.

I understand how college can be a huge stress machine in your life. Between studying, classes, financial pressure and a student lifestyle (spartan), it can be a tough road sometimes.

I'm a professor at a university, and if there's anything I can do to help you out, please let me know. Perhaps there are some study tips or something that might make your school situation a bit easier, and that might relieve a bit of stress in your life.

Hang in there. You're going to be OK, it's just getting through in the mean time is hard.

Brett
Wow, amazing.
You're so young to be a professor, awesome! & i'm not sure about study tips etc that I could ask for... everything would be so specific :)
Thanks a lot for your post and advice :)

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