I posted this in the Type 1 Diabetes section as well...
Hi everyone! I haven't been on lately, and I've actually been struggling with a few things.
I want to mention before anything that I've always had a problem with my weight. I'm 5'5" and I used to weigh a precise 112 pounds. That was before my mother passed away. Now I weigh almost 155 lbs. Alot of things changed since then. After she passed away, I've had disordered eating. I realize this is probably because not having her in my life made me turn to food. But because of my diabetes, I would always realize that me starving myself was not going to be good for my diabetes- or myself. So for a while, I stopped doing that. But then I developed a constant craving to overeat, and that turned into binging. As you can imagine, THIS IS AWFUL FOR MY DIABETES. I just get so down on myself that my blood sugars aren't great, then it makes me want to binge even more. I'm constntly obsessing over my food, and it's gotten to a point where I just can't stand this anymore. My blood sugars are so high all the time because of the excessive food (rarely below 200). Every night, I tell myself that the next day will be better. I convince myself that I won't binge anymore and I'll focus on what's truly important. I honestly don't know what is going to happen to my body if I keep this up. I'm afraid of the complications that will arise if I don't get this under control now. This is more than just vanity for me-- I believe this is psychological, and a bit physical. I want to lose weight and see my bones and have a flat stomach so badly. But I crave food compulsively and I don't know how to treat it anymore. I don't know how to cope with my feelings. I just binge to cover up everything. I don't really know what I am asking of you. Therapy is what I need, but I wanted to know if you had any other advice for me.
Please let me know, as I'm currently VERY desperate.
As I suggested, there are grief groups that are online. Those are free but for having Internet access. That you clearly already have, so check those out. I've actually found online forums to be REALLY great for me. I can share my thoughts and get feedback. The forums I'm on aren't necessarily grief related, but they just let me express myself.
Also, check Meetup.com. I just joined a Meetup for motherless daughters. There might be something similar near you. If so, you have a group of people right there who are going through a similar thing. Therapy really didn't work for me or, at least, the therapist I tried didn't work and I didn't have the patience or desire to seek out another one.
Try the free resources for support that you can find online.
Im so soory about your mom. When we lose someone that we love and who is a crucial support in our daily life we aregoing to feel sadness and hoplessnessand alot of other things.My endo a long time ago told me myBlood sugars were not good or bad they were just numbers . Obviously overeating is not good but maybe testing more and talking to your endo. It is really common to gain weight after any loss so you are not alone. Its actually an attempt to comfort and not feel the pain. There are free grief groups in most communities and many counselors specailize in grief. Talk to your doc and check out getting some support through a grief group or one on one therapy. If your feeling alone and overwhelmed finding support can help.
I really feel for you as I, too, am insulin-dependent and a compulsive overeater. I've found great help through Overeaters Anonymous and, since joining them, have lost nearly 20 pounds and have stopped binging.
You may have to try a few different groups at first; some groups are quite rigid while others are not...see what group feels right and welcoming to you, and then keep going back. It took me quite a while to get the binging under control, and I still have occasional slips (but never more than a day or so, and not often). My A1c's went from averaging around 7.0 to 7.2 before OA, and now they average 6.2 to 6.5!
Wishing you the best of luck in finding help.
I do not know if there are several levels of this but my problem was years ago when my bs was in the 400s I just could not stop eating. Since getting my bs in good order I no longer get these cravings.
My parents did a program called FA (food addicts anonymous and it did wonders for my father's blood sugars. his A1C came down almost 2 whole points! It was better than mine! And my mother actually lost 100+ lbs! Good stuff! teaches you how to eat right and keep at it.
I just want to tell you something I do. Before you go grocery shopping, plan out healthy meals and snacks. Then, only buy the things on the list. When you feel like eating something,all you will have is healthy foods. This seems to work for me, if i don't have it, i can't eat it. Once in a while i will buy junk food, a "treat" but it's ok to have a little bit at a time. You don't have to deprive yourself completely. My friend who lost a lot of weight had one day a week where she was allowed to eat whatever she wanted, but just the one day. It seemed to work with keeping her on track. But i also agree with the others, this sounds like a more serious problem than just diet issues. It is deeper than that. It is always a relief to be able to talk to someone face to face who can understand what you are going through. Believe me, it usually takes a big weight off of your chest when you are able to vocolize things that are running through your head and not be judged.
I don't have any advice, I just wanted to give you a ((((hug))))
sorry U R having such a difficult time w/ Ur weight. I am a recovering anorexic, and i can totally identify with what U R going thru. i am T1 on the Pump, and it is very challenging for me to eat properly. if i skip meals, i either go low (or sometimes high).
when i quit smoking 7 yrs ago, i went from a satisfactory 108lbs to a 136lbs. I am 5'4". i ate compulsively for the 1st 2 yrs after putting down the smokes. i would try dieting by doing the craziest things, for example: i would not give myself insulin so that i went high and thought i would lose weight, despite the fear of going into DKA. it has tkn me 3 yrs to tk off the weight. i did it safely w/ a CDE and a D nutritionist. i was totally open and honest with them, as hard as that was for me to do.but i am bk at 108lbs and have been stable for over 1yr and a half now. i have my body bk, with a few gravitational loose skins, but my tummy is flat, and i fit into all my old clothing. i am very strict w/ myself b/c i never want 2 blow up again.
to top it off, my husband is a marathon runner and does not have D. he consumes more carbs and sugars than i could find in a candy store. he used to eat behind my bk, but finally said "screw it" and now eats in front of me. often i stare and gloat and fill myself with pity...UGH. but it is what it is, and at least i have had the strength and courage to continue on my way. i wish U the very best of luck and i hope i have been somewhat helpful. please B in touch if you have any other thoughts you would like to talk about.
Hi Egirl. I see this is an oldish post and I didn't comment too much at the time as everyone else had said some great things. But reading back through it, I want to make a couple suggestions. If money is an barrier to getting therapy (and there are no free or sliding scale programs in your area) another option is OA, Overeater's Anonymous. It's a great program and there are free meetings on a daily basis in any good sized town. If there aren't any in your area, or you're nervous to go, they also have meetings online. Though that's a good starting point, I recommend live meetings if you can. You can also ask for a sponsor who is someone who will work with you one on one. I don't attend meetings anymore but they were a great help and support for me when I was first getting into recovery from my own eating disorder. There may even be meetings specifically geared to people with D by now, though you will certainly meet some of there are not. I just celebrated 18 years of recovery after 30 miserable years with food issues, so you can do it! Don't hesitate to contact me one on one.
I just realized I forgot the second thing I wanted to share. Eating disorders are about so many things and the weight gained or lost is only a symptom of deeper issues; even food is only part of the story. Many of us spent years gaining and losing weight. When I got my recovery, I had to totally let go of losing the weight as I realized that dieting was a trigger for me and part of the cycle of my ED. (be really strict for awhile then feel deprived and binge). I finally decided that I would set aside my desire to lose weight for awhile and focus on the craziness that my life had become. That's how I was able to get recovery, when I realized it wasn't about the weight.
i am on board with U 100%, Zoe. i have struggled w/ ED since i was 16 in high school. now i am 48 yrs old, and it is still difficult for me to eat healthily. i am 5'4" and weigh 108lbs. i look healthy. inside my crazy brain, however, my mind tells me i should lose more weight, due to "body dismorphia" but i talk about it with my therapist and others like myself (not that any of them R D). for me, the ED is about claiming control over chaos and anger. when i starve myself, i feel like no one can hurt me, my feelings, etc. i feel "High" and omnipotent. growing up in my household life was insane. my mother is an Abstainer, while my father is a glutonous pig who will eat until tomorrow if given the opportunity. Also, i am adopted, so i never had much connection with a blood relative who could indicate my physical developement. i never say i am cured; i just say that i am in remission, and its just one day at a time.
i just read Zoe's responce about OA meetings. As i said in my other reply, i deal with anorexia. However, i too went to OA mtgs to help me find a support group that delt with food disorders. i found a sponcer, who is like a supportive guide who helps you to navigate your way thru the challenges of discovering a healthy way of life, and my entire world changed. even though i was not binging, i was starving, i found that issues about food were the real problem i needed to address.
i suggest that you GOOGLE Over-eaters Anonymous and find some meetings in your area. even if none have anything to do with D, at least you will find a place for support.
best wishes, Daisy Mae