I posted this in the Type 1 Diabetes section as well...
Hi everyone! I haven't been on lately, and I've actually been struggling with a few things.
I want to mention before anything that I've always had a problem with my weight. I'm 5'5" and I used to weigh a precise 112 pounds. That was before my mother passed away. Now I weigh almost 155 lbs. Alot of things changed since then. After she passed away, I've had disordered eating. I realize this is probably because not having her in my life made me turn to food. But because of my diabetes, I would always realize that me starving myself was not going to be good for my diabetes- or myself. So for a while, I stopped doing that. But then I developed a constant craving to overeat, and that turned into binging. As you can imagine, THIS IS AWFUL FOR MY DIABETES. I just get so down on myself that my blood sugars aren't great, then it makes me want to binge even more. I'm constntly obsessing over my food, and it's gotten to a point where I just can't stand this anymore. My blood sugars are so high all the time because of the excessive food (rarely below 200). Every night, I tell myself that the next day will be better. I convince myself that I won't binge anymore and I'll focus on what's truly important. I honestly don't know what is going to happen to my body if I keep this up. I'm afraid of the complications that will arise if I don't get this under control now. This is more than just vanity for me-- I believe this is psychological, and a bit physical. I want to lose weight and see my bones and have a flat stomach so badly. But I crave food compulsively and I don't know how to treat it anymore. I don't know how to cope with my feelings. I just binge to cover up everything. I don't really know what I am asking of you. Therapy is what I need, but I wanted to know if you had any other advice for me.
Please let me know, as I'm currently VERY desperate.
In my experience, help is called for and I think it would help you in many ways.
eventually making you "feel" balanced. There is no reason to keep feeling that way.
My primary care MD believes balancing my brain chemistry makes his job -My Health
better all around
Your post touched me personally because I can totally. Relate to it. While I'm not in the best place to be handing out advice on managing your diabetes (because I am in a similar place as you at the moment), I still wanted to reach out. 13 months ago I lost my Mother and things went even further down hill. Life was a (still is some days)- a mess. I think it's a great idea to look into online grieve forums if insurance is an issue for you. Insurance was an issue for me also when I wanted to go to therapy. There was no way I could afford a $60 co-pay at each visit. I found a hospice in my area that offered free greive counseling, so I went there. It didn't matter that my Mom was not a hospice patient. Maybe there is something like that around? There are also groups called "Motherless Daughters" that are nationwide. I'm sorry about the loss of your Mother. You'll be in my thoughts.
Hey, since my diabetes, my relationship with food also has changed a lot... BUT the question issss: did it change because of the diabetes OR is my diabetes just a triggering factor? Now I am taking some therapeutic sessions and I must say that it's really paying off! I really hope you'll also find a good therapeutic!