Diabetes Blues~~~~
needed get this off my chest that after having it for so long after diabetes has not bothered me so much in the past or even crossed my mind... and have been positive about it and even mentored kidos with it when in high school and just not bothered but now going
through this stage right now where it's bothering me havin strong feelings toward my diabetes hating it... burnout, hate how it seeps into every area of my life and being an extra worry or root of anxiety outlet which is normal to experience anger bout chronic or any health
aliments....
So, I will have had been living with diabetes coming on 17 years in January, 17
for goodness sake! 2 weeks ago I uped how much
insulin was dosed out by a small bit over sveral time frames but it adds up and
i was also put on a diffrent faster acting insulin which drops me a lot faster
and requires less to do the job works kinda too good so trying to fiddle around
with how much to take and waiting out to see results....hard to be patient due
to anxiety.... I have been getting in better ranges in 100's still kinda high
but a start and closer where need it.... but its constant tweaks and hard
balencing act and issues of going too low for comfort which is normal but hard
to stay there I over treat and sugars shoot right back up it's non-stop
rollarcoaster and is frusturating and STRESSFUL I been getting tired of having
diabetes and depressed bout it and lot of times feel like worse one ever and I
like to treat before allow myself to go low cause hate that feeling so much and
it scares me and takes a toll but I jeperdizing any futurer health or happiness
and I have been running my blood glucose too too too high for so long that being
normal feels low and I panic at and has made me fearful of leaveing the house near meal times
gotta get used to feeling normal at home and feel ok with it not actually low
and see pattern that my sugar will stay even and ok before having confidence do
more stuff go more places, and not drop.... FACTS are the higher you keep your
numbers the bigger risk for complications and my over all 3month avg. has been
dangerously high for like 4 years atleast.... now my educator has said that its
surrprising and maybe by grace of God I don't have kidney failure or damage but
seems to be functioning ok... and that rate going I could be 'dead' by age 30 I
am killing myself slowly but surelly, really is that serious, but the imdiate
fears and panic attacks my brain going against logic has been winning to
instead self talk or work through by telling myself no I truelly am ok... or
havent really tried enough have not been strong enough to take care of it like
should and slim slim chances of what ifs of going low or passingout which has NEVER EVEN HAPPENED TO ME, SO DON'T KOW WHY THOUGHT OF BEING LOW SCARES ME SO MUCH would
be temporary and not that bad and manageable VS the more likly long term threat
of everlasting complications that on road of developing if don't take actoion
NOW I also need to work on waiting long enough between tests but sometimes OCD
due to panic gets best of me and I check way way tooo much after only minutes or
moments when it there is already 14-30 % difference between tests which can drive me bonkers and up the anxiety level
anyone have tips or things that have helped get you through like feelings or issues??? Anyone relate???
through this stage right now where it's bothering me havin strong feelings toward my diabetes hating it... burnout, hate how it seeps into every area of my life and being an extra worry or root of anxiety outlet which is normal to experience anger bout chronic or any health
aliments....
So, I will have had been living with diabetes coming on 17 years in January, 17
for goodness sake! 2 weeks ago I uped how much
insulin was dosed out by a small bit over sveral time frames but it adds up and
i was also put on a diffrent faster acting insulin which drops me a lot faster
and requires less to do the job works kinda too good so trying to fiddle around
with how much to take and waiting out to see results....hard to be patient due
to anxiety.... I have been getting in better ranges in 100's still kinda high
but a start and closer where need it.... but its constant tweaks and hard
balencing act and issues of going too low for comfort which is normal but hard
to stay there I over treat and sugars shoot right back up it's non-stop
rollarcoaster and is frusturating and STRESSFUL I been getting tired of having
diabetes and depressed bout it and lot of times feel like worse one ever and I
like to treat before allow myself to go low cause hate that feeling so much and
it scares me and takes a toll but I jeperdizing any futurer health or happiness
and I have been running my blood glucose too too too high for so long that being
normal feels low and I panic at and has made me fearful of leaveing the house near meal times
gotta get used to feeling normal at home and feel ok with it not actually low
and see pattern that my sugar will stay even and ok before having confidence do
more stuff go more places, and not drop.... FACTS are the higher you keep your
numbers the bigger risk for complications and my over all 3month avg. has been
dangerously high for like 4 years atleast.... now my educator has said that its
surrprising and maybe by grace of God I don't have kidney failure or damage but
seems to be functioning ok... and that rate going I could be 'dead' by age 30 I
am killing myself slowly but surelly, really is that serious, but the imdiate
fears and panic attacks my brain going against logic has been winning to
instead self talk or work through by telling myself no I truelly am ok... or
havent really tried enough have not been strong enough to take care of it like
should and slim slim chances of what ifs of going low or passingout which has NEVER EVEN HAPPENED TO ME, SO DON'T KOW WHY THOUGHT OF BEING LOW SCARES ME SO MUCH would
be temporary and not that bad and manageable VS the more likly long term threat
of everlasting complications that on road of developing if don't take actoion
NOW I also need to work on waiting long enough between tests but sometimes OCD
due to panic gets best of me and I check way way tooo much after only minutes or
moments when it there is already 14-30 % difference between tests which can drive me bonkers and up the anxiety level
anyone have tips or things that have helped get you through like feelings or issues??? Anyone relate???
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Joy on -
oh, and trying really really hard to get my A1C in zone to a 7,eventually instead of 8.8 need some support or ideas on how reach this
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Permalink Reply by Ricardo Arthur on -
Hi,
I know exactly how you feel. I have recently made the switch to a faster acting insulin as well. The most confusing sensation is the 'false hypo'. It is so difficult to let your body ride out these episodes and become accustomed to the new, improved levels. As you say, the anxiety levels build and soon you walk around in constant fear of the next strange sensation.
I have been improving slowly. All I can say is that I think that the Endo's estimation of how soon your body will readjust is grossly underestimated. I was told three weeks and it has been significantly longer than that so far.
I think it is important to practice some relaxation techniques, breathing exercises, yoga etc and take the time you need to heal at your own pace.
I wish you the best!!
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Permalink Reply by Shane Mackanin on -
Experiencing the same thing as we speak...I have had it for 19 years and for the first time I have no idea what is going on. It's like one day I woke up and forgot everything I have learned over the years. The last 3 days have gotten me to the point of severe anxiety every time I give a shot. I have had 4 hour hypos each of the last 3 days...within 20 minutes of bolusing for a 40 carb lunch, it has taken me close to 150 carbs on top of lunch to get above 80! Furthermore, there has been no spike later in the day! Really weird...nothing has changed...everything is the same...if it is the result of hitting a vein then I have the worst luck! Hasn't happened in 19 years! This has led to ridiculous amounts of testing which you're right, doesn't help matters and is quite expensive! My confidence has been suffering too, the hard part is that I am a firm believer that we have to be confident and trust that what we put in our bodies is going to have the relatively same effect each time...or at least close, in order to maintain our sanity. I understand a few hiccups along the way, but I don't need a sudden onset of routinely crashing hard to keep morale high. This recent challenge has left me scared of going low too...not just low, but low in a hurry. For the first time, I have been begging for a high reading! It is quite the balancing act, but we have no choice and must keep going. There are no guarantees in life and stressing over what we can't control is no way to live. We could get hit by a bus tomorrow or live in the 200s and never have complications. Who knows? I am extremely hard on myself also, but have been working diligently to improve that...it's not easy, but we have to do the best we can..that's all we can do. However, we due retain the right to think this sucks!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Joe_h on -
no real advice but to take it day by day. take a look at your diet and lifestyle and see what changes you can make to improve your situation and make the small changes one at a time(no need to overwhelm yourself) maybe it's finding 20 minutes to walk a day or changing from breakfast cereal to omletes for breakfast. hopefully your doc can help you w/ this. good luck and take care
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Permalink Reply by Joe on
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hi Joy. I have had diabetes 31 years now and I have had my ups and downs too. For me, lots of sugar and lots of insulin means instant rollercoaster. Don't change everything at once or you will get nowhere.
controlling diabetes is like trying to bathe 3 dogs in a bath tub. it'll work okay for a while and them one of the will get excited and there will be madness and chaos. There is art and finesse and a tiny bit of science in controlling diabetes too.
maybe you can try to find a really good CDE through your endo, so you can have more of a personal coach than a doctor you see every 3-4 months. It may be good for you.
I can usually keep my a1c under 6.8 and I am no genius. you can do it too. you can have any control you set your mind to. It works the other way too - if you are depressed, control can be difficult to impossible. depression is common with diabetes, and it's treatable too.
hope you are okay.
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Permalink Reply by Joy on
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Guys, thanks so much for all the suggestions, encouraging thoughts, and feedback just knowing all diabetics can relate at some point really helps ......... It's just extra hard being a young adult trying to figure out or come to terms with life as well as diabetes and on top of that …yea anxiety and depression which makes control of diabetes much harder I am really actively trying to improve though and have had some 100’s so slowly but surely and one day at a time I am getting control of this beast g the same issue of
Shane : you make an interesting point my friend who is 43 and been a diabetic for about 17 years as well is dropping low from the food bolus before the food hits her systems and it’s a new issues. I am wondering why this is and if a lot of people are dealing with this if a normal thing for those having diabetes for so long…I hope not so far I don’t normally have this issue maybe when correct before a meal and then drop really fast even though started eating lunch but idk wish you best of luck on finding out what works best or evens out the dropping
Joe: Thanks for the analogy of bathing the dogs… I sometimes bathe my 3 small dogs at the same time and it’s a chore I manage, but it wears ya out = ) and yea soo many factors to this disease and unknowns and yea I am being bribed to get my A1c down to a 7
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Permalink Reply by Ashley on -
I am in the same boat as u. Sometimes I feel like im going crazy, I feel like im having panic attacks. I go thru so many test srips and it is costing me a fortune b/c I always exceed my monthly amount. Im trying to figure out how and when this all started and how. I was not always like this, I've been a diabetic for the pat 7yrs and have been ok, but this has been going on for the past year. Do you know when this all started for you? Im trying to find the root to my paranoia.
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Permalink Reply by Joy on
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a little bit in High school...but not anywhere near like this just slightly anxious but awful at over night things but it's gotten alot worse since I graduated last 2-3 years, I think it has a lot to do with issue of fear/growing up maybe.. becoming an independent adult idea eventually being/living/moving out in world doing everything alone or maybe fear of developing no sensations or catching a low..I been having a few random lows for no reason and droping too fast and it just feels so bad I really don’t know why when logically i know things will be ok but mind thinks otherwise and end up overtreat 'lows' but yea anxiety is hard to kick and gets worse
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Permalink Reply by Joy on
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yea i somehow test more than allotted a day ALL the time but don't feel like I check that much I don't know where all the strips go!! Feeling nervous the anxiety of thinking I’ll go low or drop makes me feel low hard to read if anxiety or the diabetes and when in an anxiety attacks I have OCD tendency to check many times in a row or many times in an hour make sure still ok… I look back and count up my checks and am shocked and frustrated that it's over 10 often so hard to wait 2-3 hours between checks I just wanna know where I am-a number-seems be a good deal of times I already dropped within an hour , I wanna check anytime before going in somewhere/doing anything ugh I gotta cut back and then before doing a bolus for a high I wanna recheck to be sure blousing for right thing then I have been running out before the 30 days = ( and already behind for this month I think a CGM would help me not test
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Permalink Reply by Xanthasun on -
Definitely relate and fear of bad lows is one of the reasons I let myself run higher for a long time...I think for me it started in high school when D became overall unpredictable and I've had some bad episodes (starting in middle school/high school)...in part because my awareness has been so blunted (luckily for me less so overnight)...I was also really scared about living on my own or essentially on my own when I moved out for college and now the work world...because what would happen to me if I had a really bad low and couldn't treat myself and there was no one else around?
For me lows have also been worse than highs (unless I'm super high like 400s up) because they are so much harder to deal with...it's like I'm losing control over myself... but I'm not even aware of until it reaches the point where all I can do is eat some glucose tabs and wait it out...which when you're at work and know you have a meeting in say 5 minutes....just makes me more anxious and frustrated... I hate how the way a low affects you can be so unpredictable...from not feeling anything (usually I find out I'm low because it's right before a meal) to mental fogginess (finding myself reading the same thing over and over and then realizing I'm not even reading but spacing out while staring at the screen) to loss of muscle control (hand spasms, inability to walk)... so I think it makes sense to fear being low (whether you've personally experienced this or not... just knowing it can happen to you can make you fear it...kind of like complications...but it's more immediate)
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