Dinner with the Food Police

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by FatCatAnna on October 16, 2009 at 9:41am

No, you are not being hypersensitive. I've had the same problems over the years - and like you - with those types of "police" - I tended to be abit more careful around them as to how I eat - but over time - I've just had to let these people think what they do - with of course my explaining to them as easily as I can in a "nutshell". Just try not to let it bother you if you can. Some will over time finally have the light go off in their heads as they realise we know what we are doing - for those that don't well - well - insert polite words here is all I can say .
Anna from Montreal - aka FatCatAnna - The Trials and Tribulations of a Diabetic

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Brenda on October 16, 2009 at 9:58am

Thanks Anna. Sounds like you've "been there done that". I think my anger comes from the fact that no one and I mean NO ONE knows what we do on a daily basis to make this all work. My husband "sees" it but he doesn't hear the diabetes conversations I'm having with myself all day long "did I remember?....do I have juice w/me? how many carbs?......need to go walk....." It angers me when people fling a comment my way because I'm eating a chip, not even the whole darn bag....just a few chips! I just want to shake them and say....."let's see you try this for 36 years, day in and day out!" Grrrrrrrr!

If helps to vent in this safe place.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kiera Piscia on October 23, 2009 at 12:31pm

This sounds exactly like what goes through my head on a regular basis! It is annoying when people feel the need to comment on what you should and should not eat...they usually have no idea what they are talking about! And yes, it comes from a good place, but it still gets on my nerves. I've only been doing this for 5 years, I can only imagine what it feels like after 36! Hang in there :)

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Marie B on October 16, 2009 at 10:00am

Mike, one of our members here did this video on "The Diabetes Police" that sums it all up for me.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Danny on October 16, 2009 at 10:14am

I have dealt with the food police several times over the years, I am not sensitive at all.

Here is my thing, since I eat a decent diet, I feel like I do a little policing myself. I pay attention to what they eat just as much as they are paying attention to what I eat... only fair, right? I have been known to throw out a few comments to non-diabetics that oink out in front of me.

Here is an example,

Wow, Suzi! you just ate a Domino's bread/pasta bowl and two slices of thick crust pizza for lunch, are your sure you have room for that bear claw?

It's not that I am being rude to Suzi, I am honestly concerned about her health/ the future of her health.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Mike on October 16, 2009 at 10:33am

Hi Brenda,

This is a pretty good d-etiquette guide. Just email them the link today.

http://www.accu-chek.com/documents/resource-center/etiquetteonepage...

When someone gives me grief for eating a sweet (brownies, sugar in coffee, etc.), I just point out that their 8-oz. cup of orange juice/bagel with philly cream cheese/double order of baked potatoes has 2x/3x/4x times the carbs and calories of what I'm having, and that tends to quiet them down. Or you could say "I've already gone running/ice hockeying/cycling/weightlifting/gardening/etc. today, so I need this to replenish my sugar/glucose stores. When are you planning to burn off that double bacon cheeseburger with extra mayo?!"

And yes, I tend to get a bit snippy. I don't tell other people what they should eat and do, and I expect to be given the same courtesy. I'm in charge of my body and my 'beetus. I have to deal with the good/bad consequences of my good/bad choices.

Cheers, Mike

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Brenda on October 25, 2009 at 2:55pm

Mike, I just now opened your link to the diabetes etiquette and it was great. I blind cc'd all of those who I think could use the info. I included a nice note that I had come across this piece on diabetes etiquette and hope they find it as interesting and useful as I do. They will either be miffed or not. They will either get the hint or not.

Regardless of what they do with the info at least now I know I have made my point and that means a great deal to me. Thanks for the link....it is exactly what I needed.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Terry Keelan on October 16, 2009 at 10:39am

You shouldn't have to dread going out to dinner. This should be an occassion to anticipate with eagerness.

So, I would keep in mind that they probably mean well. Probably. You know them better than we do.

My suggestion is to tell them what you've told us. "Thanks. I know you're trying to look out for me, but I've been successfully managing my own meals for 36 years and I know EXACTLY what I can eat and should avoid. In fact, I've already planned what I'm going to eat this evening. (smile) So . . . how's your son doing?"

That is, if you ever want to see them again. Or if you expect to see them again. Or if you have to see them again.

I'm a big fan of frankness if they are really close, in which case you might add, before (smile) - "I'm sorry to say that I am actually beginning to dread going out to dinner with you because of the comments I know you will make about the food I choose. I don't like feeling that way because I enjoy your company otherwise. Please trust me that I know what I'm doing. Really."

But if you don't want to see them again feel free to snap at them and make comments about their food choices, their weight, their size and their health.

Terry

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Laura Antulov on October 16, 2009 at 10:49am

Hi Brenda! It is nice to have concrete proof that there are folks out there who care about you, and I try to dwell on this. However, it IS demeaning to to feel that others are inspecting every morsel you put in your mouth while they pass judgement. Most people do NOT understand diabetes, and haven't a CLUE as to just how complicated trying to balance it is. I liked the response of "I've already done my exercise and need to replenish my glucose stores" for when I choose to be polite. But, I love the "I've already exercised today, but how will you be planning to burn off all those carbs/sugars you just ate?" remark for continual offenders. Of course, I guess the thing to do would be to simply suggest that, since they obviously have your best interests at heart, you'd be thrilled to point them at some websites and other sources where they can get a better grip on how best to support and help a diabetic loved one.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Andreina Davila on October 16, 2009 at 11:05am

Confessions of an sporadic Diabetes Police... DISCLAIMER: I only do policing with my husband, and I have learned (from TD, because he doesn't complain) to be very careful of how and where, and when. I try my best, I know it is hard for him... it is hard for me too since I worry a lot when his numbers are bad, and I notice he is eating lost of carbs and not bolusing right away, or just not realizing how much he is eating... However, I don't think I will ever dare to tell anything about lifestyle in general to anybody who is not really close to me, like my mom or my husband.

Apart from diabetes, that adds so much stress to everything, there is so much judgment on everything we people do, I tend to think judgment is not healthy in general, unless is kind and constructive. Many time we are the hardest judges on ourselves, and so we care for other opinions on how we deal with our lives... In my home country, Venezuela, family tends to be very intrusive, and there is always a very well intentioned aunt pointing out loud how fat I am, (even if I have a healthy weight). Before I go there I tend to diet, so I don't have to deal with it... and sometimes I think to myself.. why do I care so much?

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Zoe on October 16, 2009 at 11:32am

I definitely sympathize with you, Brenda, as I know how awful it feels to be criticized, especially when you work so hard day in and day out. I agree with the things everyone has said about finding a way, knowing your friends to say something so it doesn't continue and you don't dread seeing them. For me, I'd want to convey that I know what I am doing and also to offer to explain how it works a bit more if they are interested in details, followed by thanking them for their concern.

I do have a little different take on what might be going on. I find that people who are out of shape and don't eat healthy tend to be a bit defensive around those of us who work really hard on taking care of our diets. Even if they know we have to do it because of our diabetes they still feel a bit threatened and defensive, as if WE are criticizing THEM (by our actions). So I tend to explain that it is not that I am so GOOD but that this is what I need to do to take care of my diabetes. I've had other experiences like these before diagnosis where people feel because I am a vegetarian and because I don't eat sugar I am judging them. So I explain that I don't eat meat and I don't eat sugar for my own reasons and don't really care what other people do. I don't serve meat or desserts in my house, but will provide sugar for coffee (when I remember) and don't care at all what people eat when we are out together.

I've actually had the opposite experience where people wonder "why I'm making such a fuss" about what I eat and get irritated with me for requesting certain restaurants or certain mealtimes. They know I don't eat sugar but don't understand that diabetes is about more than that. Most people don't. I don't eat sugar due to my eating disorder but ironically for years I let people assume I had diabetes especially in other countries where they think you're nuts if you don't eat sweets, because they could understand that better. I think it's just ignorance that people don't know that carbs cause us problems, not just sugar. I've explained this to many and now they get it....a little.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Gerri on October 16, 2009 at 11:39am

Don't think you're being overly sensitive. Dinner with friends should be enjoyed & hard not to dread the anticipated comments you've received before.

Been the target of the food police. It's either the usual comments, people staring at what I'm eating, or a raised eyebrow. Sometimes all three. At one dinner, a birthday celebration in a very nice restaurant with six couples, a friend announced to the waiter that I had diabetes so the chef had to be careful with my order. Was embarrassing, to say the least. I quickly said that I know what to order & don't need anything special.

Some people are well-meaning. Others like to judge, butt in or feel superior. Quite honestly, whatever the motivation I think it's bad manners & intrusive. I thank people for their concern, firmly say that I know what I'm doing & it's upsetting to get comments. That usually shuts them up.

▶ Reply to This

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• Next ›
• Page