Grr My wife is going d-pol on me. Twice this week we have butted heads. I don't mind the occasionally do you need that comment but don't tell me how to take care of my diabetes or compare me to my mother. Just venting
Oh, love to vent! My mom loves to go all D-Police at family gatherings and holidays. This past Thanksgiving, she decided to comment in front of everyone about my glass of wine (1 glass!). She shouted at me across the table, "Should you be drinking that!?! DON'T COME CRYING TO ME when your blood sugar is through the roof!"
1) I'm 32 years old, 2) she doesn't know anything about my blood sugar (no, really, I don't even think she knows what number is considered "high"), 3) alcohol can make me hypoglycemic, etc etc etc.
So, basically, my mom just wanted to embarrass me in front of everyone by treating me like a child and reminding us all that I'm the "diabetic" or "sick" one. Gee, thanks Mom. This is what Thanksgiving is about!
(And please, spare me the "your mom was just showing you she cares" comments. It's called "venting.")
My mom and I have an agreement I don't give her on asked for advice on diabetes and she doesn't give me advice on diabetes. We have had a few interesting Holiday meals Thanks to her going low, Banquet fried chicken cause she was low when she put the turkey in the oven and never turned it on on the funny side. On the bad side the Thanksgiving when my brother brought he's bride to be home to meet the family, I was telling a story about a mess up that someone did at work, in the middle of it she blurts out something. But the the only thing I can remember now was that it ending with "you and your druggie friends". Needless to say the meal was done for me.
Whenever you run into something like this, if she is openly telling you in front of others, you openly tell her right back that she has no business telling you what to do, point out the fact you're 32, you're not a baby anymore.
I was out at dinner with a few friends one day, including a few who where just friend's friends, and one who didn't know me so well, and he began saying endlessly "John are you sure you can eat here??" "OMG John this place could make you sick" "John looks like you cannot eat here" "John maybe you should go eat somewhere else" one of my friends told him that I know what i'm doing and i'll be just fine, even a few of them got irritated too, but he wouldn't stop, my nerves became rattled.
Then when I was ordering he tried to step in and stop it telling the waiter "No he has diabetes he cannot eat that". I just about lost it right there, I lit right up on him and I began to chew his ass out in front of everybody including the waiter and not to ever DARE interrupt my ordering, including a possible ass kicking from a disabled person on the way, diplomacy between was no longer existent. Once on my bad side, always on my bad side.
It was amazing, he became scared quite literally got up and left after that, and I was happy again, most of our group understood why I responded the way I did and we all carried on without that idiot, they were tired of him too.
Hey, I'm a very nice guy :) as long as somebody doesn't get under my skin that is.
While you're case is different because its you're mother, I would still openly tell her not to dare get in you're way of what you want to eat there, and mind her own business. Make it clear that you're the one who's boss when it comes to what food you want, if she doesn't stop, drag her out of the room and give her a direct order to stop.
I'm sorry your wife is playing sugar cop on you. My husband says nothing about my diabetes, ever, as if it doesn't exist. Very strange how people can go to 2 opposite poles on the same disease. Be honest with her about how you feel when she does it. She might not realize what she's doing.
Hi Jim. I noticed you are pretty newly diagnosed (type 1 - 1 year ago next week for me) too. It's really hard being new to this disease and feeling pretty alone with it. My family just does not understand. My kids are 11 and 13 and it's too much for them to understand and I think my husband often does not want too. It is an inconvenience in his life. I sometimes wish he DID try to become more involved. Either family is not involved or when they are...they don't know what to do or say and do the wrong things. My husband has told me most diabetics don't go so overboard as I do. He just does not understand how this has changed my life, and ours whether he likes it or not. So, I understand the kind of comments family can make.
I have not figured out how to do it myself, but I think we need to make our needs known. I think we need to tell our loved ones what is helpful and what is not.
Good luck, Jim.
I got slightly lucky growing up with a mother who is t-1. She isn't the best role model for control and management, but she at least understands more important I think is I understand her. Also I have had t-1 friends most of my life. My girl 2&4 have some understanding, as much as their age allows. I wish my wife would take a slightly more active role in educating herself about diabetes, not so much for me but because of my children's increased chance of developing t-1.
Some times I think my wife and others think I may be to focused on my diabetes. I just demand control over it and some times that means talking about it.
I think it's a common theme that so many of our loved ones think we are "overly obsessed with diabetes". I live alone so the people in my life only see a snapshot of what I deal with or what I tell them. But I would think someone who lives with a diabetic would have a better idea of what it entails. On the other hand, maybe that is part of the problem. I had a friend whose husband was a type 2 diabetic on insulin and he was the first I'd met so we often compared notes. One time the three of us were out to lunch and Tami went to the bathroom. When she returned she said, "are you two still talking about diabetes?" I knew Tami wasn't jealous of me and was glad I got along well with her husband. (she and I are friends from high school). Then I realized she was jealous of the diabetes. I think often times diabetes is like a new baby in the family, one who is taking up a lot of its mother's (or dad's) time. The partner cares about the baby, but still resents it a bit too.
LOL maybe but I think with survivors benefits I am worth more dead lol. I know she wants me around, but after 10 years she should know you catch more flies with honey. I have never taken well to dictation, in fact growing up the best way to get me motivated was to tell me "You can't do....",
Apparently all's fair in love, war and cake. I'm very fortunate in that my partner doesn't get involved in my choices and does NOT police my actions. In 24 years he's never ever said "should you be eating that?" Even when I've gone face-first into the pound cake. Pretty much, if I'm not "supposed" to eat it, I'm aware of it. It's not like we suddenly forget that cake is a carb bomb. I'm pretty sure she wants to keep you around -- but it was the last piece of the cake after all. When cake is involved sometimes you have to be ruthless.
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