I feel guilty that I am alive and continue to be a burden to the people I love. They all deserve so much better.
I truly believe the world would be a better place without me.
Diabetes and all the side effects render me a useless waste of space.
You express yourself very well for a "useless waste of space" was it ???
What diabetes burdens do you "share" which causes you such horrible guilt?
Whether you are diabetic or not, people, friends, family would worry anyway. About your relationships, your friends, your your finances state, your happiness. There are ten thousand things to worry about, and your diabetes is only one of a an endless list.
What things are causing you guilt about your diabetes my "diabetic sister"?
That you cannot guarantee they have ZERO to worry about (eg "superwoman diabetes"; you're "on top" of everything)?
They witnessed a low/high and relive it terrified of the "next time" (eg the ghosts of diabetes past, future)?
Guilty you are a diabetic and future you cannot predict (eg "crystal ball" diabetes)?
Guilty you think you don't try hard enough (ie effort equals outcome)?
This list is endless too. Give us all an idea whats going on and perhaps we can all help you figure it out.
Why would the world be a better place without you? If your actions make you ashamed you can change them but your diabetes isn't something that is your fault in any way. Please see a therapist about these feelings. You can feel better and once you do you can make a positive impact on the world.
Diabetes is a pain in the butt, but it is just something else you have to babysit in life. Just like babysitting your finances. laundry, household chores, brushing your teeth.
While it does take a little effort, it's really not a big deal, nor the end of the world.
I too get depressed from time to time, but this is a part of the disease.
As long as I have insulin, I can manage my depression fairly well. With insulin, I can enjoy a reasonable lifestyle. Without it, I have to eat, live, and work at the disease to the exclusion of everything else. I did it for 9 months then asked for insulin. Best decision I ever made regarding this disease. I can actually enjoy a sandwich or even a bowl of cereal. I still have to watch the carbs though. Insulin is not a cure all.
Why not learn as much as possible about the disease and help others with your knowledge?
Did you know that a well managed diabetic is one of the healthiest people on the planet?
You can let the disease rule you or you can rule it. I choose to rule it.
Just remember, if you choose insulin, you can very easily pack on the pounds, and at a rapid rate.
For me, I can choose my weight or any other number I wish. If I stop insulin, I can lose weight at a rate of 5 pounds overnight. Been there done that. I had to eat entire cheesecakes a day just to keep my body weight stable.
You only have side effects from diabetes if you do not manage your blood sugars properly.
You will have an easier time doing this if you follow a low or no carb diet. Google Dr Bernstein.
He has been a type 1 for well over 50 years.
I agree. But, to get the A1C lower, she needs to modify her diet, dosage, and exercise routine.
That is why I mentioned Dr Bernstein.
The hormone checks for testosterone, cortisol, and thyroid are very important and should be checked as well.
If cortisol is high then insulin requirements will be high and metabolism can be low.
Testosterone, even for females, plays an important role. All diabetics have a deficiency to some degree, as this is a part of the disease.
No type 1 should have an A1C that high. If the only problem is insulin vs carbs, a pump can fix this very easily.
I know a type 1 in his early 40's that has an A1C of 4.3 .
He uses a pump, and watches what he eats, and exercises daily.
The easiest way to control A1C is to drink loads of water all the time. The law of dilution will dictate that the lower the concentration of glucose in the blood, the lower the A1C will be.
Protein and fat will yield the lowest blood sugar spikes. Interestingly enough, eating protein and fat, then using NPH, the curves are nearly identical.
Lowering basal blood sugars with say Lantus or Levemir will also yield better A1C's. But no matter who you are, you must exercise to get the glucose out of your blood by means of raising your metabolism.
Once a person determines how to adjust their blood sugars the right way ( AKA Paleo Diet, insulin, and exercise ), the rest is just going to be of habit.
Of course females have their own set of blood sugar problems due to hormonal cycles, but this too can be accounted for.
You've had diabetes for a big part of your life. It is understandable that there are times when it just feels so overwhelming. There is a book called Diabetes Burnout: What to Do When You Can't, by William H. Polonsky Ph.D. that you might find helpful. Remember, everybody in the world has something - -it may be a disease, like we have, it may be something else. But those that love us, love us with our baggage just as we love them with theirs. It's not a burden - it is just our "something." You are not your diabetes -- it doesn't define you. You are much more than that disease. And you do belong in this world.
My wife and son both tend to ignore my injection time. They tend to overlook it like I am doing something very normal. Which I am.
They do not love me any less. When I wasn't taking insulin, my 8 year old son used to feel sad that I wouldn't eat any french fries he offered to share. That hurt me more than it did him, but eventually he understood.
Most of my life is about the same as it was before diabetes. It's just a little something extra I have to deal with.
Please note: you got diabetes through no fault of your own, unless you self inflicted it, which isn't likely.
My only brother is severely mentally disabled. He's 35 years old and has the overall abilities of a 3 year old. He doesn't speak or read, can't comprehend complex directions, doesn't dress himself, rarely uses the bathroom himself (and has his share of accidents), and has a mild seizure disorder. He is very uncoordinated and often breaks things, either by accident or as a simple result of childish behavior. He communicates by grunts, hand gestures, facial expressions, laughs and cries. He sometimes eats things that are toxic, and has had multiple stomach surgeries. He lives in a residence for adults like him, at a cost shared by my parents and the state. He requires constant supervision. By any dictionary definition, he is indeed a "burden".
My only brother is the most emotional person I know. He expresses joy in the most jubilant way possible, laughing and pulling people together in group hugs. He appreciates the simple things in life: a funny slapstick moment on TV, a dog licking his hand, a visit from his brother. His smile makes everybody around him smile, his laugh makes everyone else laugh. He has a very endearing personality. When something upsets him, the rest of us feel bad because he can't comprehend what just happened or why. My life can be so stressful, yet I've learned to essentially live vicariously through him and simply enjoy the moments through the eyes of someone who doesn't comprehend anything more.
I don't know why Daniel is the way he is, but I do know that he is the reason so many other people are the way we are. We are a bit more sympathetic to those who can't help themselves, a bit more appreciative of the good things around us, a bit more tolerant of those who are less able.
When I was younger, I dreamed of the day when he could somehow be "normal" and I could have a sibling to talk to and play with like all of my other friends did. Today, I know that won't happen, but I couldn't imagine Daniel being anyone other than who he is, He has meant so much to me, to my parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and my cousins, and has shaped our lives and beliefs for the better. Is he difficult to handle? Of course. Would I be absolutely devastated if something happened to him? Absolutely.
My point is this, Sagwabetes: in our day-to-day lives, we tend to only look at our day-to-day needs - what we ask of ourselves and what we ask of others. We tend to lose sight of the larger picture, how important we are to others and how we, unknowingly, help others. But people need us, rely on us, love us. I've been diabetic for 30 years, and I've sometimes felt like the "burden" you speak of. But I've seen the other side as well, with my brother. People don't necessarily contribute to society by the inventions they create or the money they raise. The most important contributions can be simply by the interactions we have with others, and the lessons and thoughts that those other people walk away with.
It took a lot of courage for you to write this post, and your four sentences are more powerful than my long ramblings of meandering thoughts. But I hope it helps you to believe that you are not a burden, and you are not a useless waste of space. Unless you are a pure evil-doer (which I'm sure you're not, those types have reached international infamy), you mean something to somebody. Your living with diabetes has inspired somebody. Your expressions of guilt have come as companionship to someone else who feels the same way, and feels alone. You've been open and honest, and inspired others to be the same.
Thank you Gerri. As I wrote it, I was feeling bad that I was making the post too much about myself, but it goes to show that people are needed in more ways than they sometimes recognize!
I should add one more thing, back to the original theme of the post. When the decision was made by my parents to put my brother in full-time residential care, rather than live at home with us -- that was the biggest feeling of guilt any of us had ever felt. I was about 12 years old at the time (he was 10) and was feeling confused and a bit betrayed by my parents "sending him away". Imagine that. With all of his special needs, WE were the ones feeling guilty, not him! It all works out in the end, though. He comes home (my parent's house, his second home) every other Friday and stays until Sunday. Still very much a part of our lives.
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