help..
So my angst and anger and annoyance aside, (that's a lot of 'a' words), I have a boyfriend, and he loves me immensely. He knew at the beginning of our relationship that I was a type one diabetic; our relationship actually started because I was diagnosed with it. But lately my moods have been horrid, I don't want to check or deal with the type one, etc. He tries to get me to check or take my insulin and I just get mad at him. He keeps eating chocolate or three or four servings a sitting of mashed potatoes or whatever else of high carbs. He doesn't seem to understand how much this bothers me. He also eats most of my serving, which bothers me too. But as much as I try to tell him how it makes me feel, it doesn't help him understand and he just gets defensive. He drinks soda late at night. I feel like we are always at eachother. He doesn't believe me when I say mood swings can be caused by diabetes; he thinks I can just do some deep breathing and it will go away. Since the type one onset, I have been diagnosed with a rare form of eczema, bipolar, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, anger (my shrink wanted to admit me to a mental hospital for evaluation). I was also just told I have a thyroid issue which affects my calming down after getting mad near impossible to do. I had just ended an abusive relationship after the diagnosis. I am a full time college student (made the dean's list the last three semesters). Just some background. But what has made me write this is that I was just telling him about the artificial pancreas system, and he said it had been out for years. I told him it is still going through its trial phase and he wouldn't believe me even after I showed him proof. I feel like he thinks I'm incompetent. Out of the two of us, I figure I would know if there were new developments because I have the disease. It has consumed me mentally. I get emails hourly about type one/diabetes. I constantly worry about my levels even though I dont check. Plus the eczema has made it difficult enough to check my fingers.
I'm at a loss about what to do or how to get through to him. I hate the fighting but I can't get a grip, which like I said, he doesn't believe.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lostt on
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Relax... Be yourself for a moment without worrying about how to change someone or the diabetes issues. Yes, it's alway there, lurking up to bite u now and then with appointments, the meds, never-ending emails etc but you can't change someone nor would I try!
May I suggest an alternative, since you're the "brainy" one... :) get one of those diabetic seminars that universities love to hold on the weekend going, "diabetes in the new age!" Or whatever u want to call it, involve the other facultities across the campus, sciences, arts, etc, and then drag him along for the weekend; no pressures - just curiosity to open his mind to understand what you are going through on a daily basis.
Bait the trap always works better! :)
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Permalink Reply by JustGettingBy on -
Haha, he is pretty brainy too. Thanks though!! I would love to be able to go to one of those; Joslin Clinic had a type one symposium a while back but I missed it because I wasn't feeling well.. I will have to look up a few other ones.
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Permalink Reply by Leo2 on -
Sometimes one has to wait til the thyroid problem has been tackled and controlled and helped to smooth your metabolism before a relationship should even be looked at.
After you get through that, look at the situation again. You'll be in a better position to do so - with all you're doing.
Do the testing, the recording of tests and food grams and insulin taken, and check in with your diabetes team for ideas after the thyroid has been calmed down.
At that point, with all you're doing, think about if you really want a relationship for awhile. Sometimes relationships aren't as important as being one's own person in a calm environment which one can control and stabilize for awhile.
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Permalink Reply by JustGettingBy on
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Thanks so much for the advice. I am still working on all of the hospital issues; I have another three appointments next week..
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Permalink Reply by JustGettingBy on
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I didn't want to start a new thread. I just went to the doctor at Joslin Clinic the other day and the woman wants to speak with my boyfriend about what I'm going through; he said it was a good idea and he would help with solidarity with eating three meals a day starting today. But then I just woke up with a high blood sugar and take my insulin to bring it down, and he goes to the kitchen, eats chocolate, and then comes back to me with ice cream. I'm furious, but trying to restrain it. I don't understand why it just goes over his head..
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Permalink Reply by Holger Schmeken on -
Let's imagine you do not have T1 but a wheel chair? Do you want your boyfriend to never use his legs again out of sympathy? You are the one that has T1 diabetes. You are the one with problems to accept her faith. You are in denial and that is the point here. This might sound offensive and I am sorry for that. But my example shows how ridiculous the situation really is.
My wife can pretty much eat what she wants. It is not my business and I know that it will not be good for me. She sits on the couch next to me eating the best things in the world. I would do that too but this is the card I have been dealt with. I just thank god that it is not a wheel chair. Better learn to accept it instead of trying to change other people. It will not work that way.
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Permalink Reply by Shawnmarie on -
My husband and I came to an agreement without really discussing it that the only time he should concern himself with what I'm eating is if I start acting in a manner that makes him think I'm low enough that I can't handle things myself (i.e., if it appears I may be a danger to myself or others). He NEVER offers me food or makes suggestions regarding what or when I should eat. It's up to me to make ALL food decisions. That way, he doesn't have to try and guess what might be the right thing for him to say or do and I don't have to be frustrated that he doesn't know exactly what he should do at any given moment. I've also made an agreement with myself that what he eats is his business and I can't be offended/hurt/angry if he chooses to eat a doughnut and wash it down with a full sugar Mountain Dew. It's worked pretty well for us so far. As much as our loved ones can try to understand what we have to deal with, it's almost impossible for them to really get it. Likewise, it varies from PWD to PWD. I have to admit that I'm the only one who knows what I'm going through at any given moment and I have to give up hoping others will fully understand.
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Permalink Reply by JustGettingBy on
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That seems to be a pretty decent way of looking at things. I agree that I should be doing something like that but I feel.... Betrayed or something. I'm working on it..
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Permalink Reply by Holger Schmeken on
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Have you ever listened to a speech by Aimee Mullins? I find it truely empowering to listen to her. I hope you will like it too.
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Permalink Reply by Deborah on -
I can empathize with many of your concerns. My BF & I had been together for 5 years at the time of my dx as T2. While my BF tried to be helpful and flexible as I got used to living with diabetes, my diabetes certainly put a strain on our relationship.
Sitting on the sofa, watching tv, and eating candy hearts or cookies was over. I was done with drinking (together). Many of our favorite restaurants were now off-limits. I privileged getting to the gym over making him dinner. I wanted a full night of sleep more than I wanted a sleep-over. I hated staying at his house, with its carby snacks.Gradually, things have improved for us. Putting my diabetes care ahead of everything was essential. With time, I learned to be more direct in communicating this, and hopefully less angry and bitchy.
I wish you the best as you clarify your priorities--and with your boyfriend.
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Permalink Reply by Stemwinder on -
Ice cream, really, I tried to defend him earlier. But ice cream in that situtation, really. A little sensitivity training might be in order. Still I don't think you should throw the baby out with the bath water
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Permalink Reply by acidrock23 on -
Hmm, re the ice cream, did he mix up "eek, I'm high" with "eek I'm low" and think he was treating it? It's great that your doc will involve him in the process. I took MrsAcidRock along when I had some appointments before I got a pump but most of the time, she's supportive, etc. but I'm on my own. I don't worry about what she eats, except sometimes I'll give her crap about eating garbage but she sort of lets me run my show. Her commute is worse so I do most of the cooking too, which also helps me do what I want. If they want some ice cream, they are more than welcome to it.
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