How do you cope?

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Permalink Reply by Dave   _ on March 6, 2009 at 11:10am

Not all healthy folks are capable of empathizing with those who are ill. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time medically, AND having to deal with negative attitudes around. Sorry I can't think of a "fix" for either...other than to try to project as cheery an outlook as you can muster, and try to focus on other things besides how you feel (physically). That MIGHT take the focus of those around you away from your medical problems. That's about the only thing that comes to my mind at the moment.

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Permalink Reply by Betty on March 6, 2009 at 11:34am

I cope by talking to people who are not idiots everyday.

It makes it easier to smile and nod when other people try to become "diabetes police"

most of these feelings will come and go with time, and with so many medical conditions it seems like you may have too many uninformed "know it all's " in your life.

be patient with the people who are doing it because they care, but are just dumb, and try to ignore, the rude people who can't keep their moth shut.

I would always encourage a well balanced diet for a type 1, since low carb tends to be high in protein and fat, and insulin is meant to enable you to eat well so you can reduce the risk for heart disease. BUT like you say .... your body... your choice... and no one needs to judge you... not even me !

Good Luck and I hope you are able to find what you need as it is important to track the food and carbs you eat and take control of your diabetes. It is not an easy task and you deserve people who will support you and not tear you down! Keep posting here and you will find a good support system.

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Permalink Reply by Sarah M on March 6, 2009 at 11:41am

I'm sorry to hear your family isn't more supportive of you. Do you feel it's woth your time to educate some family members about what you are going through and the steps you are taking to care for yourself? Situations like these can cause tears in family relations, I imagine it's hard for you to not take the quick stance of, "support me or shut it!!!" I don't have any real good advice unfortunately, it might be best to try and avoid those that are being harmful toward you if no one wants to try to be understanding. It's obvious you need more support in your life, rest assured you can find support here!

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Permalink Reply by Marie B on March 6, 2009 at 1:00pm

Having all these chronic diseases is a heavy load. I've had the d for 41 years, and it's enough of a load to carry around by itself. My brother has CFS, and is in the medical field, and he has a lot of problems getting people to take his condition seriously. I understand people with fibro and IBS have the same issues. Just know you can always come here, and we will put our arms around you, and support you no matter what.

There is a group here called "Lean on Me" that has some very nice members. I also think there is a fibromyalgia group.

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Permalink Reply by Marie B on March 6, 2009 at 1:06pm

I see you've already joined "Lean on Me". I'll have to wake up Bobby. Here is a discussion on fibro. Also, Judith, a well respected member here has it.

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Permalink Reply by Christina on March 6, 2009 at 1:12pm

Just know that you do have us here to talk to when ever you need to, when your loved ones just don't understand. Have you tried explaining your conditions and how the medications help? Have you told them how you are feeling about their negativity? If they don't WANT to understand, then it's really not worth it.
Try to get out of the house every once in awhile and do something you love. Go treat yourself, you deserve it every now and then :-) Thats what I always do when the stress is just too much. A little escape is always good :-)

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Permalink Reply by Suzanne on March 6, 2009 at 5:37pm

Keep a positive attitude! You are doing all the right things to take care of yourself, it's a shame that the people around you do not understand that. I know how you feel, I have a brother in law who is always needling me on all my meds and diabetes care. He claims he cured his type II diabetes with vitamins and a low carb diet and I can do the same. Keep in mind he is no longer taking meds or going to get doctor checkups so who knows what state his diabetes is now. He told me insulin was poison at this year's xmas get together. I am a type I so I kinda need the insulin....I just smiled at him and reminded him we all have different body chemistrys and different medical needs. Then I made a big deal out of bolusing a large dose of poison insulin in order to enjoy my meal while he longingly looked at the dressing, potatoes, and roll I had on my plate versus his plate of ham only. Kill them with kindness I always say :)

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Permalink Reply by Lois La Rose on March 6, 2009 at 6:37pm

Melissa:

So much good advice. It's hard to figure out which approach to take. My first reaction is "TO HELL WITH Y'ALL," or "GO SCR*W YOURSELVES!" Sorry, I just had to get that out. But family p.o.'s me no end when they think they know it all!

If they can't accept, then it' their da$# problem, not yours. Don't let them get to you. Keep that positive attitude. Do research if you can. (Me, I'm a bit on the dumb side when it comes to figuring out the medical lingo!!)

Did you tell your b-i-l that you weren't blood related? What makes him think that his case is in any way related to yours except by marriage? ha ha ha

You have us to support and understand you. I know it helps to have someone there but, maybe if you turn around and walk away on them when they start up on you, then maybe they'll get the hint. In fact, can you go straight to your computer and this site?

Well, I'm tired and my mind isn't working at full tilt. Keep us advised of your triumphs!!!

Lois La Rose
Milwaukee, WI

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Permalink Reply by melissa on March 7, 2009 at 9:14am

Thank you all for your support and advice. I came and read a lot of your comments yesterday and spent some time just letting them soak in... just knowing that others have been in the same boat and understand what I'm going through gave me strength. It's just so hurtful that my parents want to go off what my brother says and won't bother reading anything I give to them or listen to what I'm saying - it's like because my brother has a teeny bit of medical training in his dentistry school that it makes him the ultimate authority. I keep trying to stress the fact to them and to my friends that question me - each person's diabetes is different, so each person has to work with their doctor/endo/etc to come up with the plan that fits their needs. I actually voiced that to one of my friends who called yesterday and wanted to start telling me how she treated her mom... she had nothing more to say and actually changed the subject. So my friends, I owe you thanks for giving me the strength to start standing up for myself and to quit letting them have the upper hand.

Betty - you cracked me up with your "I cope by talking to people who are not idiots everyday." Holy cow - it makes a lot of sense, even though I laughed out loud when I read it. Some people are idiots - regardless of their intentions or how much they think they know - I guess I just needed to be reminded of it.

Sarah - I prepared MS Word documents specifically regarding diabetes and fibromyalgia and emailed them to my parents and my brother. I also tried to talk with them about it - but they all "haven't had the time" to read them yet. So yesterday, I reminded them to read the documents and then to contact me with any questions they had. Haven't heard anything yet, thankfully.

May I offer up a hug with a huge bunch of thanks to all of you? I'm so grateful to y'all - and to know that I have your support means more than words can say. Thanks to each and everyone of you who offered up kind words and words of support and encouragement. I'm a pretty lucky girl to have y'all in my life.

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Permalink Reply by Stuart on March 8, 2009 at 11:36am

Personally, I like the idea of active compassion, for them and for ourselves. Many who are blood relatives, intimate partners, lifelong friends many do not understand the rituals, habits, the razors edge all of us here walk. LOL, you are ALLOWED to complain... HERE WE GET IT, and have no problem with it at all!

Some morons believe this can be controlled by the simple act of serious/severe "discipline" on our parts. And for THEM, that is clear as day the "correct approach". Them you need to pity. The first time their habit(s) do not produce the mandatory results. The first time you do what is supposed to be done, and see no effect. It is never as easy as they believe it to be

A new mantra, "I am doing the best, I know how..." seems a decent approach to sanity.

Stuart

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Permalink Reply by melissa on March 9, 2009 at 12:58pm

That's a good mantra to have, and thanks for sharing, Stuart. I'll have to write it down and keep it with me to keep reminding myself - very wise words indeed! :)

Unfortunately, the folks I'm dealing with think I'm too disciplined, lol. They honestly think I need to eat more carbs so I don't "starve my brain" or "stress out" about it (I keep a notebook daily - bg readings as well as meals, supplements and snacks written down - helps me find out "trigger" foods and more and helps me stay honest and on the right path ... and the criticism is something I'm honestly tired of dealing with - so I've been speaking up and speaking out the past couple of days. It's worked so far, even if my "friends" don't understand it - and I've just decided that it's my life that hangs on the line... might as well do the best I can - and if they don't like it, tough. I can find other friends and ignore behaviors from here on out, I guess. It's just a pity that more folks don't stop to listen and offer kind words rather than harsh words and criticism. Thanks so much for redirecting my thoughts in a positive manner - I appreciate ya!

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Permalink Reply by Domo! on March 10, 2009 at 10:37am

be blunt, to the point, and show that you're feelings are hurt or that you're offended. then offer a chance to talk things over. You number one when it comes to your health.

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