Kennedy is 11 and t1 for almost a year now, wow, almost a year!! just coming out of honeymoon, using omnipod for 6 months or so... she is just starting to want to have some more independence with her bolusing and carb counting, and she has just started to do more on her own while she is with her dad and I am at work... how do I let up and let her make some mistakes and learn from them on her own? I am terrified of these teen years coming on, knowing how often teens can have poor control, yet I know if I am too controlling with her I could win the battle but lose the war... diabetes camp coming up and she is looking forward to it. any thoughts or advice from adult t1's who went through this as teen preteen would be greatly appreciated?!
I cannot remember a time I was not a diabetic. Diagnosed barely out of diapers, a long, long time ago.
I have not read the thread yet. My thought for whatever it is worth is simple. If we have the training, have the knowledge, you MUST NOT interfere, unless it is immediately life or death. Unless it is you must let us make the mistakes, whatever they might be.
Whatever the issue testing, food, basic stupidity... by that age they are doing the tests, the math, the injections, the boluses you are not doing them, right? You can reward outright and you can and make serious incentives.
But at the end of the day, both the failures, and the successes are ours. With most things we need guidance, intense humor, and a whole lot of honest sincerity. SO depending on the particular issue(s) there are different approaches, different carrots, different sticks.
If the issue were drinking, or sex you would be straight with her, and listening a whole lot right? This is not that different. What you believe behind closed doors, with your husband, your partner, or even here is a different creature than what you say to your daughter. Treat her like an adult that soon she will be.
Shes gonna make severe mistakes with boys, and with her insulin too, unfortunately. She'll learn, and so will you. What do you feel the biggest issue is for you? Is it fear she'll harm herself long term? You afraid she'll massively screw-up coverage and crash? The very best, the most experienced among us cannot guarantee anything... we do what we can, sometimes we fail. We all do sometimes.
The trick is not making it a habit >: >. Your daughter is NOT a diabetic, she is a teen who ALSO happens to have diabetes as well as her other challenges as well. Different creatures.
So give us a better seat at your "table", the cards you are playing with, perhaps we can help?
I think you treat her diabetes as an unique part of her being. thus, you give her the things she can handle and let her make her own mistakes. When she does, those times become teaching moments. When she is in over her head, of course you intervene, just as you, as a parent, would with a physical or social issue. believe it or not, your children learn from their own mistakes, so when they make them often enough, they won't make them again, or not make the same mistake with the same degree of severity.
Control for teens can be difficult, and it isn't always their fault. Their bodies are going a hundred miles per hour, and sometimes their minds just cannot or don't catch up. I think it is important to teach them what to do if situations happen, just as you have to teach them those life lessons for external forces in their life.
Two things stick out here. First, as a parent, you have to allow them some freedom to fail. You cannot be the over-protective and controlling force in their life as you once have been. Second, a young woman, such as your daughter, needs her mom, and needs her badly. That is a delicate balance to achieve. You need to share what you know when she asks for your help, intervene when she is over her head, and let her go when she will be alright.
From previous posts I have been worried for you and your family. This is a time you will both cherish forever. I hope all is wellwith you.