I came accross this site today and unfortunately my first post is about diabulima.I bet lots of you reading this find it hard to understand why someone would risk their life rather than gain weight but to me it has beome normal to skip my insulin.I feel the need to fill you in in the backround details so you can understand how I justify my diabulimia.I have type 1 diabetes for 16 years.I have always been fairly chubby and my control has NEVER been good.I am always hungry-I feel insulin makes me hungry.I was put on the pump in 2006 and for a month my control was good..but I wasnt exercising..I have never been able to exercise without eating exttra food...and I have read so many books and gone through 4 endos all telling me to go on a temporary basal rate..IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME!I found that I would gain weight by exercisng as I would almost always go hypo.Then I started college last year.It wa s a nightmare!I couldn't concentrate as my blood sugars were all over the place-either hypo or hyper.I would sleep in in the morining's and miss my early lectures.I hated socialising with the opposite sex as I had ZERO self confidence..I was fat and I really hated that.When I saw the photos from the previous night I would die a little inside.I wasn't eating that much at all.I was going to the gym almost every night in college.But I wasn't losing any weight.I tried this approach for 6 months but no change in my weight.Then I tried a low carb diet and wile my bgs did improve slightly I gained weight and it wasn't muscle.People were commenting on how I should exercise more-basically calling me fa indirectly.I had the WORST year of my life last year..I would't wish it on my worst enemy.I felt lonely ugly and very different to everyone else.I couldn't take it anymore..I wasn't achieving anything.So I decided to skip taking my boluses and my weight has come down a lot.My life is so much better..I enjoy socialising...I get attention from the opposite sex and everyone is saying how goos I look.But I know I am causing irreversable complications..I would love to start taking my insulin again but I CANNOT live being fat.Is thaere anyway I can lower my bg without gaining weight?What if I ate a low calorie diet and exercised as much as I could??Please dont tell me that I am selfish and I am killing myself beacuse life as a fat person is the worst thing ever.
I know of a gorgeous looking 23 year old , who died several years ago ...I don't want to read repeat stories ...tough love maybe required !!
Abby ( my short form for Abigail ) please get therapy if that's what it takes !!! ...
On the side I have been taking insulin for almost 30 years , now at age 71 ; my genes likely not the same as yours ...just thought of this : considered a pump ?? My weight was more on 4-5 shots daily , then when pumping ,...hope I don't sound too simplistic
Hi Abigail: I am so sorry for what you are going through. Have you seen Diabulimia Helpline? I met the young woman who runs it, Erin, and she is incredibly compassionate and knowledgeable. I hope you will consider reaching out to her--Erin is someone who has "been there." Also, there is a Diabulimia Support grooup here on TuD. And I would agree with MyBustedPancreas, hypothyroidism is SO common in women with Type 1 diabetes, and hypothyroidism can cause weight gain.
Hi Abigail, my heart was so sore when I read this post. I have been a type 1 diabetic for 25 years and have also struggled with my weight. Our bodies are such intricate things. I was diagnosed with an under-active thyroid and Hashimotos at age 13, Fibromyalgia age 22, Thyroid cancer age 27 and now Diabetic retinopathy caused by the cancer and high sugars. Perhaps you should ask your doctor to check your thyroid, as this could also contribute to your metabolism. I'm not saying that this will fix everything, but there are so many things that could be causing your weight problems. Sometimes it's better to start at one place and go from there. Perhaps speaking to a therapist would also help. Being a type 1 diabetic makes controlling your weight that much harder, I know. But you should really try not to compromise your diabetes for being thin. I know this is not what you want to hear, but that is what I did, and I thought there could be nothing worse than being fat, until I lost all sight in my left eye. A beautiful person is not what you see on the outside, its when you see how beautiful their heart is, and only someone that sees your heart should be allowed into it. You are such a brave young lady for carrying this disease, do not let your weight control who you are. You were created in God's image and he loves every part of you! I will pray that God eases your pain and sends people on your way that will help you.
Thank you so much for your replies.Honestly I feel ye are sincere people who really ubderstand where I am coming from.I am going to atart taking my boluses for one meal at a time and I will try exercise with glucose tabs rather than food.To answer your questions I am a type 1 diabetic..I use novarapid insulin on a pump(are there any other insulins that would cause less weight gain??) I am normal weight now I am 5 foot 4" and I weigh 138 pounds. 2 months ago I weighed 161 pounds.
So glad to hear that! I am not sure about the insulin, perhaps it will be better to ask your endo. Take each meal a step at a time. I write down everything I eat, that also sometimes helps. And I test my sugars about 7-10 times a day. Maybe keeping a diary will help you see where you can improve and take better control.
Please keep us updated and shout if you need anything.
My heart goes out to you.
WTG Abigail! You took a huge leap of faith posting your story; I'm confident that you posted to the right place :)
Starting with one thing at a time (boluses for one meal, glucose tabs for exercise) is a really good plan. Trying to change too much at once, IMO, is a recipe for failure as can be so overwheming.
I totally agree with others who've said to find a counselor who specializes in eating disorders. It would be such a great support for you. Consider that as your next 'one thing' ;)
Oh, and welcome to the TuD family!
Hi!:) I just want to say a huge thank you to alll of you who replied to me on this post...I am now taking all my insulins again...bt I am still tempted to go bc to my old ways..ye are so right I need to talk to someone!One last question I have is when I wasnt taking my bolus insulin how much of my food was I absorbing?
Is there not perhaps someone close to you that can also help you, someone that can be your advocate through all of this? I do believe that you need an advocate that can help you with your diabetes. Please do not go back to your old ways, as hard as it may seem, you can do this :-)
Perhaps this is an answer to your question:
"Failure to administer insulin places the body in a starvation state, resulting in breakdown of muscle and fat into ketone bodies and subsequently ketoacids, while at the same time making the body unable to process sugars that have been consumed, so the sugars are excreted in the urine rather than being used by the body for energy. This places the patient at risk of a life-threatening condition known as diabetic ketoacidosis. Prolonged failure to administer insulin results in long-term complications such as diabetic neuropathy. Insulin restriction is associated not only with increased rates of diabetes complications but increased mortality risk as well. Diabetics who restrict insulin die at earlier ages on average than those diabetics who use insulin properly."
This is what I did, and now I am completely blind in my left eye. If someone had only told me earlier that once you are blind from diabetes they cannot fix your retina, it's damaged for life. No glasses or contact lenses or anything else will help, I am blind. I am saddened by this, please, please try and speak to someone who can help you, before you get all these complications. You are so young and have so much to look forward to. You are too precious to God to allow yourself all this pain and frustration. Speak to your mom or anyone who you are close with, that will help you.
My prayers are with you.
Viki I will not go back to my old ways...I did nt have ketones when I wasnt giving my bolus insulin just high blood sugars.I reckon I was consuming 2000 kcal a day and I wonder how much of this I was absorbing?