Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by acidrock23 on September 1, 2011 at 9:18pm

well, probably. It's sort of extreme but diabetes is freaking extreme? I've sort of gone the other way these days, in that I make sure my BG is in line so I can work out. That is a lot more dull sounding to my mind set because I still think "rock and roll" when I'm running or lifting weights. I can lift way more listening to Iron Maiden/ High on Fire/ Motorhead, etc. so there's some connection between rock and exercise? Although I've had some really good runs to Vivaldi (music teacher= steady beat...) too...

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Permalink Reply by Brian (bsc) on September 2, 2011 at 12:45pm

Well, I won't discuss depression with my medical doctors either. But I do that because I don't wan't their help, which is just a pill. Like acid, if I just wanted to medicate, I could do that myself.

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Permalink Reply by acidrock23 on September 2, 2011 at 4:49pm

Although again, in certain scenarios, particularly those involving Wookies or Yrchs, valium > beer? Or maybe valium+ beer> beer? I don't know anything about the other psych med options other than that a lot of them tend to zonk you out when you drink with them.

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Permalink Reply by Natalie ._c- on September 1, 2011 at 9:45pm

I had the same kinds of emotions and almost killed myself, bingeing and not taking enough insulin. It IS worth doing something about it. Even though that's hard to believe. Don't let those nasty emotions stop your intelligent brain from telling you the right thing to do.

I understand not trusting psych professionals. And I know that the antidepressants that you are given don't always work. But there are a lot of them available, and it's worth trying them, because something might eventually help, even if it's not the first one.

I go to a psychologist in addition to taking antidepressants. And I have some wonderful people in my life who support me. The psychologist is the FOURTH one I tried -- the other 3 were worthless. Yes, I wasted time and money with them, but I finally found one who is REALLY helpful, and gave me back my voice and self. It took a long time to find him, but I'm glad I kept on looking and didn't give up.

If I could give you anything, it would be the WILL not to give up. I truly believe there is help, but I don't underestimate how hard it is to find it. Please keep trying.

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Permalink Reply by Marps on September 2, 2011 at 6:02pm

I used to do this type of thing when I was first diagnosed. It was my way of telling "my diabetes" that I was in control, not IT. But, in the end, I was hurting myself and only myself because diabetes never went away and some days (13 years later) IT still calls the shots. (no pun intended)

When I was first diagnosed, I was 14 years old. I was a young teenager and was already trying to test my limits, but put on top of that the pending bulimia, anorexia, cutting, etc... AND the insulin abuse... I was a mess- long story short. I used to be on Regular and NPH. We all know these have significant peaks and valleys in their effectiveness throughout the day. Well, I'd not eat at the peak, waiting to see "just how low" I could go without passing out. Back then, I didnt know about things like hypo unawareness. I played that game for a little while with no serious complications or issues. During that phase, I once checked my meter and saw a 19 but felt compeltely fine. This surprised me. Excited me. Scared me.

I quit playing the low game shortly afterward. A few years after that, I experienced my first insulin shock coma. There was no foul play involved with that coma. It came out of nowhere and... attacked. Followed by 15 more insulin shock comas over the next 5 years.

I am no stranger to the so-called side effects of Type 1 diabetes management. I know what happens when things aren't balanced and when I don't play by the diabetes rules. Things get messed up. Family members get scared. Loved ones lose trust and faith in your abilities to control your own body. Accident or intentional- the lines get blurred when it happens over and over again.

Please be careful. Test your limits, if you must. But I'd suggest something like bungee jumping or singing in a rock band instead of playing with the diabetes monster. Because often times, the monster will take you down when you least expect it.

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Permalink Reply by woodfairy2001@yahoo.com on September 2, 2011 at 7:31pm

Marps:
I think that was very well said and I can tell that you speak straight from the heart of experience. Anagatios-I hear you saying it is a control issue too-It is a very hard road, but there is a way out. Marps and I are proof of that-we are still here and talking to you-though Marps is right too, in saying that it can and will take you down. I think of so many, that I knew over the years that aren't with us anymore-Such a waste.

I won't ramble on and on-except to say that there is an addictive compenent to this and the longer you practice it the harder it is to stop and the more damage is done. So do what you have to do to put an end to it-If you think that having the pump makes it too easy to continue this-Then go back to injections for a while-It is not a failure-it is acknowledging and accepting your reality for what it is. Kinda like an alcoholic not hanging out in bars-why make it harder on yourself? Later on, when you are more sure of yourself-you can look at the pump again.

Life can be good, even with the constraints of Diabetes, but not within the prison of abuse and addiction. I hope you know that people really care and are wishing the very best for you.

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Permalink Reply by acidrock23 on September 2, 2011 at 8:38pm

hobbies are a great idea! Playing guitar has been a big thing for me and all the exercise junk too, because I enjoy them enough that I will take steps to make my BG in line to make sure I don't miss the fun.

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Permalink Reply by Anonymous Diabetic on September 2, 2011 at 9:20pm

I think BSC hit it right on the head by saying IT'S GREAT YOU WENT PUBLIC!!! (and I love Mad magazine by the way BSC). In my humble opinion you are hurting and following a slippery slope of being in control, of pain. This offers you the ability to "rescue" yourself. The reality is many people participate in destructive behaviours everyday. The answer (although easy to suggest/difficult to do like most) is to understand that for the most part, control is just a fingerprick away.

Very often people know what to do, but don't do what they know. Once again as BSC points out, the fact that you publically acknoledge this behaviour is great, and on some levels the same thing is happening with many other levels of human behaviour ie work, gambling sex, booze etc.

I want to take this oppurtunity to thank you for being here and being so honest. This is one of the great parts about tudiabetes. People feel so safe behind a keyboard and say things they would never say to anyone, let alone a physician. This is really like facebook with a purpose (ha ha). THIS IS DIABETES!!!

There are four "magic questions" we can all ask ourselves and by the way, don't be surprised if you cannot answer immediately, if ever. The questions are (and be as honest as possible) What are you doing? Why are you doing it? How does it affect you? How does it affect others?

In Feb/2012 I am fifty years old and thirty eight years insulin dependant. Yes I have done well (no eye damage) but that fact is balanced by the fact that I would literally be dead if not for the help of others (God bless the EMS!!!). I hope in some way I have helped you because it would appear you have reached out for it and good for you.

The next question is what do you want? What you have done is not uncommon by any means and what are you willing to do? and how can we help you do that and as sure as I write this, we will. Please consider all of the above and get back to us. You picked the right spot, no doubt about it (Thanks Manny)!!!!!

Love Always
Anonymous Diabetic.

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Permalink Reply by reneesboys on October 11, 2011 at 4:45am

I know this is an "older" post but I hope you have found some calm and solutions to your stress.

My husband is also depressed. He's going to his PCP today and I pray (I've asked him to) that he actually mentions it to him. He also takes little stock in psychiatrists... over the summer I found one, talked him into making the appt, we had a sitter and were on our way when they called and said he'd missed his appt (it was at 11, not 1). He was devastated and angry. Why, you ask? Because they wouldn't even reschedule and they sent us a bill for $100. Nothing like kicking someone harder when they're down. UGH! So, I don't even know if he'd go to see someone anyways.

He's talked about *knowing* what he could do to just get things over with. I know he's thought about using insulin as an *end*. I'm sure the only thing stopping him is that he has a wife and 3 young children that he doesn't want to leave.

Anyone with support or advice? All I feel that I can do is be there for him and sometimes I don't feel like that's enough.

Thanks...

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Permalink Reply by Brian (bsc) on October 11, 2011 at 4:48am

Why don't you see if he will visit this site and just "read."

Sometimes, knowing that there are others who have struggled with the same thing makes it easier to deal with.

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