Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by MegaMinxX on February 9, 2013 at 7:00pm

I agree Clare. Sometimes helping too much can delay/prevent gaining the independence and self-confidence we need in taking care of our own D.

Reminds me of this story
http://instructor.mstc.edu/instructor/swallerm/Struggle%20-%20Butte...

But things were much different in the days of 1 injection/day, no home BG testing, and having high BG most of the day. I know my mom still worried about me, and no internet to vent on.

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Permalink Reply by Clare on February 9, 2013 at 7:45pm

Thanks MM that is an inspiring story and I understand how different things are today compared with when I was a youngster. But I think my parents made my wings strong by allowing me to take care of myself. And it is a gift for which I am very grateful.

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Permalink Reply by rick phillips on February 9, 2013 at 8:03pm

Hello, I am rick, a type 1 for 37 years. I was released from the hospital on my 17th birthday. Not a bright day.

Anyway, I wanted to comment on your amazing son and a few things that sort of struck me in your vent. I have two sons neither type 1, but one with brain injuries, and one with OCD. Trust me what you are going through is pretty close to what most parents feel only magnified because of low blood sugars. But Three weeks after I left the hospital at 17, I left home and went west for 45 days of backpacking at Philmont. My mom said it was the worst 15 days of her life and she knew, because at that time she had been type 1 for 14 years.

Here is what she told me that helped. She said that every person must sooner than later, must at some time face a situation that might have a difficult outcome. I bet your son already has at one point or another. The great news is he made it through and for the most part he will likely make it through the next one and the one after that etc.

The wonderful thing is your son seems resilient. He, like all 14 year olds, need to learn to flex that muscle. Now as a middle aged man I wish I had been allowed to flex that muscle even more. So when my son, the oldest with the brain situation went off to college, my wife and I were scared to death. I worried so many years, that I might pass type 1 to him only to see that as a young man he was 6 hours away in a highly competitive environment and there was nothing I could do to help him. Yes he was 18 but to me he was a boy. I had to remember the courage my mom showed and repay her witht eh same trust she gave me. I love my son more than you can imagine, in fact i loved him so much I had to let him do things for himself. Yes he made mistakes, just as I did at Philmont. But he was bright and he made it fine.

My other son has OCD and we saw him suffer terribly before he went to university. He woudl be closer, but still a away a bit. I read about OCD and it says those patients do better away from parents. Strange isn't it. The more they go away the less the issue. He also did fine.

Now this brings me back to you venting, I am glad you can, that shows your awesome strength. I suggest you summon even more and let him make mistakes. Let your son screw up and get right his Blood Sugar balance. When I do I learn things. Now this is difficult for parents, but kids, even your son, are way more resilient than we give them credit for. My suggestion (admittedly unasked for) is that you likely let him explore some things on his own. It will make that self-actualization muscle even stronger. Trust me this is best. Give him room let him try and fail, let him try and succeed, let him be closer to normal. If he cannot do that he will ultimately grow tp be very upset with you. Please don't let that happen. You love him too much.

On the other hand I think you have a great point about 'being a man' or manual labor in order for him to grow. See, I wish I had done more as hard work, but I did not. I am a thinker. I ran food carts in the hospital for almost four years and had insulin lows doing that. I moped floors. Shoveled drives, and carried shingles all while on insulin. I was not the best at doing any of that but i had to do it. I was married and my family needed money, I was in High school and college and needed money and it is part of what men do. OK I was not great at it, and I was lucky enough to have a brain so I could make my way at a desk. Having said that your husband is not saying the right things either. Yes hard work does pay off but men are more than strong backs. I would not push your son into physical labor and I would not keep him from it, within reason.

Listen mom he will be ok, give him the tools, let him lead you and yes worry, but please do not show it and do not shut it down or encourage it because he is diabetic.

Finally, one more thing, he needs to give his own insulin. he is 14, he needs to learn and learn quickly. In less than 8 months he will be in HS. HS (including diabetic HS) kids go to games, dance, argue with parents, are responsible and irresponsible. They foul up and do great. He needs to experience all of that and he cannot do it, if you are dosing him every time. This is the trail for the future. How will he face college, I predict well if you let him work on this before he gets there.

Finally, I know this is tough. I know it better than most and so do you and so does your son. I suggest thinking about doing what I had to do in order to deal with these things. Consider professional therapy to help out. It does help, trust me you must come to terms with this issue and the sooner you can start the better the outcome will be.

I wish you the very best I am passing wonderful thoughts to you, your son, husband and everyone else touched by your son. He will have much to offer.

Rick Phillips
Ed.D.

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Permalink Reply by Jacob's mom on February 10, 2013 at 6:23am

Rick, thank you sooo much for your thoughtful and heartfelt reply. I think most adult type1's grew up in different times, lets face it they were different all around not just with diabetes management but with parenting. I can attest today's parents definitely over parent and i would put myself in the middle to lower end of this spectrum. I like my kids to make their own decisions, never put them in activities they were not interested in and encouraged independence and value kindness over anything else. Jacob was diag at 10 so we handled everything up front he was able to do his own shots afew weeks in and has been on the omnipod for about two years, he changes his own pod and does most of his boluses i only help out so he doesnt have to disturb his being a kid to remember to prebous, something that doesnt get done when i am not around. Like i've said before which is totally unrealistic i would rather have this myself, it is quite different having a child with diabetes than being one yourself as i can only imagine of course. He goes off to school, to friends ect doing his own thing yes making mistakes and learning. The shoveling thing put me over the top because his uncle was on the property but knows nothing about diabetes, jacob did great but i know how much work shoveling is and his patterns in the past with something extreme like this as a parent i trust jacob, thankfully he is responsible and smart about his D ( way more than most teens) but it is always in the back of my mind is this the time someone finds him and needs to call 911 . It is a work in progress our D journey Jacob does want more independence but i think he also likes it that I have his back. He still has a few more years before college i think most endos these days advocate for parental involvement. i could say here you go this is all yours but i think with his personality or any teens there is to much risk, it is alot to handle and the chance for him throwing up his hands at it are so much greater if i did. jacob is a bright boy in a drafting program at a local tech school he plans to be an engineer so thankfully he will be using his brains not brawn for work! sorry this was so long. there really is so much involved in dealing with D physically and emotionally thankfully jacob is a kid and lives in the moment and is probably doing better than me on some days, i am grateful to have like minded people to bounce things off of, i try to rarely share with my non D friends because they just dont understand. so thank! amy

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Permalink Reply by rick phillips on February 11, 2013 at 2:34am

As I said Jacob sounds like a great kid. I am so happy he has found a way to deal with his disease in an effective way. He sounds fantastic. I agree my mom and dad were way to permissive when I was DX. Today no one would ship their kid on a train for New Mexico at age 17 for a month. I certainly would not.

I do agree about shoveling snow being very problematic. I have dropped low quickly and without warning shoveling snow. I mean its cold, its heavy and one more push will get you one step closer to being done. Then you find you are low and in serious trouble. If you are not experienced you can really have an issue and I mean quick.

Now on another issue, if your son is interested in being a mechanical engineer, have him look at Kettering University in Flint MI. My son attended, and it is tough, but their program puts kids into internships, first thing, freshman year. There was not a single year that my son went to school that he made less than $30,000 / per year. It is a great program in a not very nice city, but wow, the pay off can be awesome. My oldest is now a design engineer at Nissan and travels the world in the job he does. Yes he works hard, but he was also educated in a way that he can handle the pressure.

I wish you all the very best of good fortune.

Rick

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Permalink Reply by Jacob's mom on February 11, 2013 at 4:14am

so glad your son is doing well that sounds awesome, jacob is thinking of civil engineering. after the fact of shoveling jacob said i really couldnt tell if i was tired or low i kind of felt like that the whole time and figured i would pass out and die ( a little drama for mama he knows when he is very low, and he did have a snack to help) my point is some activities make it harder to tell, like the cold and being actively engaged or swimming in the pool..often times he would get out of the pool and be really low after changing and i'd say didnt you feel that?? a bit scary but knock on wood no lows that were not able to be self managed by jacob, i go for the apple juice if i am home, he tests, i think younger kids can handle low lows better. in anycase thanks for you kindness and concern to be honest i have been taking things a bit personally and have been feeling like a crazy mother hen when in reality we are all just doing the best we can with what is in front of us every day, overall i am soooo proud of jacob aside for a bit of teen attitude we really have a great relationship, he thanks me for my support and being good to him and i tell him how proud of am of him, he is a bit like dad and likes to have his ego stroked (lol) but he truly deserves it because he is amazing thanks so much for your support it means alot. i was honestly thinking of backing away from tu because i wasnt sure it was really serving me in the right way and that maybe my time and energy could be better spent we'll see. have a great week! amy

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Permalink Reply by rick phillips on February 11, 2013 at 7:09pm

You know my youngest was a pain in the butt stubborn and always talked back a lot. I told my wife, you know some day that will serve him well. Just not as a 13 year old. LOL It did but he had to get to 19, go to college and find a wife who took him off our hands. Now he seems absolutely delightful. It is the same thing my mom said about me.

Actually having a mind of their own serves them well as teenagers as well as adults and maybe even better as teenagers.

Well since you mentioned civil engineering, have him look at Trine in Northwest IN, of course Purdue (man I cant believe I just wrote that) and Michigan State. If he likes cities, IUPUI in Indianapolis has a civil program, they also have the IU medical school on campus. All of these great Civil Engineering schools. If Rose Hulman has a civil program it would be awesome as well. Oh and in case you are wondering it is never to early to start looking. If he gets excited about a place his HS grades will go up and he will have less change of letting trouble finding him.

My son choose Kettering because they had great mashed potatoes on the day we visited. Then he spent five years complaining about the food. Sounds like his dad. Let me know if I can ever help Jacob out with letters of recommendations etc. Sometimes people with Doctor Credentials and who live away from the student can get their letters noticed a bit more than others. I have always been generous with these letters and would love to help Jacob out if he ever needs it.

Rick

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Permalink Reply by Jacob's mom on February 12, 2013 at 5:45am

Rick you are so generous and kind. May I ask what you do for work? Jacob has his eyes set on MIT! He has looked into different schools that are known for engineering and what the requirements are, he was also considering working for the CIA as he reads alot of tom clancy! lol! at least he realizes the military isn't an option for him, when he was younger and realized D would disqualify him from that he said thats ok mom i dont have to be a soldier i can be an officer!! He certainly has more drive and determination than the average 14 year old, definitely more thoughts of the future than myself and his dad at this age! He really hasnt thought of traveling out of new england for school but who knows i think by then i might feel better about it! thanks so much for your concern and interest in jacob, it is very much appreciated. I really do think jacob is right on target with his development, it is me that has to let go a bit, given his personality and our solid base and history chances are good we will always be close. i am blessed. best wishes to you. amy

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Permalink Reply by Leo2 on February 10, 2013 at 12:01pm

Well our blizzard is over.
I'm all for shoveling as a marvelous exercise for me as a diabetic.
This young man will gain more knowledge about his exercise potential and feel great when each blizzard shows he can do it.
Moms can vent. Kids can learn from each experience.

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