I'll try to keep this short, but basically I'm looking for some cyber-support about an appointment I have with my nurse practitioner today.
I'm WAY overdue for this appointment... can't tell you how long it's been... I've been putting it off. I've also missed appointments with my endocrinologist because I just can't face it.
As a result, I've been, well, a bad patient. I know we hate the term "noncompliant" - but that's what I am. I can't bring myself to type what my last A1c result was, but you can probably imagine.
I am forcing myself to go to this appointment today, even though I have no numbers, no progress, no ANYTHING to show. I am forcing myself to face the music and get on a path to doing the right thing (not just for me but for my two amazing kids...).
Any words of advice/comfort/empathy?
(And don't bother with the scolding... because I've done enough of that at myself.)
First of all, a misconception that many of us in our society have, fostered of course, by the medical profession: You are not doing this for your nurse practitioner; you are doing it for you. So it really doesn't matter what he/she thinks.You are not "non-compliant" (I hate that term!) You do not deserve a scolding because you are not a "bad little girl". You are an adult who has been struggling, not very successfully with a chronic illness. If you change the way you look at it, it will make all the difference in the world!
So with that paradigm switch, go into the office, not like a kid being sent to the principal, but like a consumer who wants assistance from the medical provider they (or their insurance) is paying for their expertise. Talk about I:C ratios, talk about basal rates, talk about diet (though don't listen too much if she insists you eat tons of carbs); talk about ISF.
Then re-read your copy of Using Insulin by John Walsh or buy one if you don't have one or Think Like a Pancreas by Gary Scheiner. Then come on here and ask questions and work on starting somewhere anywhere, perhaps with basal rates and slowly but surely get into a better management program. Then come back on here down the road and brag!
THANKS! I actually just had a phone conversation with the nurse and she was amazing. She came right out and told me there would be no scolding; we would look at what we can do to help me manage better from here forward. I'm so glad I talked to her so I'm not going in nervous. But you're right... it's all that attitude that we're supposed to go in and please the doctors. I'm lucky I actually do have a good endo who is very non-judgmental; I'm not sure why I've been avoiding him but I'm starting fresh today. :-)
Excellent! It's great you have an NP and endo who are not into shaming and will work with you towards meeting your goals...one step at a time. Whatever your A1C is (13.8?) your goal is to get it under 13, then under 12, etc. But more important than the numbers your goal is to develop a management plan that feels sustainable to you and one day at a time to start new habits. Like you said, starting today! Bring your logs, bring your questions and don't hesitate to ask questions even if they are things you "think you should already know".
Excellent. I love the "consumer" attitude.
Good luck! You're the only boss of you, so go easy on yourself. Wish I had some words of wisdom, but you've been at this a lot longer than I have so I will just send many warm, positive thoughts your way.
Thanks so much! All positive thoughts are gladly accepted and much appreciated. :-)
Your children need you and want you in their lives for a long time. They are the prize in this. Being there and being healthy for them (and yourself) should be the priority. Best of luck with it all.
I only have one thing to say to you Melissa. YOU CAN DO IT.
Now go to that appoitnment and hold your head up. The past is the past let it go and work towards the future. You have made the first big step...admitting you are not taking care of yourself and getting the medical help.
Sending you lots of empathy! I think I struggle more with my Diabetes now than I did when first diagnosed 19 years ago.I have been non compliant T1 for years, until about a month ago. Keep taking it one day at a time, don't beat yourself up for not being "perfect" and keep logging onto this amazing site so you don't feel alone in your struggle. Go, Melissa!
The past is the past. You are doing a great thing by starting over and trying to change your ways. Don't feel guilty, reward yourself for your great new behaviors. For me, it is important to have regular appointments and A1C tests. This keeps me accountable. If it weren't for those regular A1C tests, I am afraid I would not have as good control as I do now cause who would know?! I know, bad thinking! But, you may want to make a promise to yourself to schedule appointments so you are held accountable, this may help you stay on track. I hate going to the doctor, so I make myself schedule the next appt before leaving the office. Just a thought. :) Best of luck, you can do this!!