Just wondering why you "refuse to cry or talk about it and act as if everything is fine"? Unfortunately, as I'm sure you realize, ignoring it won't make it go away. It's wonderful that you have a positive attitude and try and go on with your life, and that you handle so much stress well. But if you bottle up all those feelings of sadness, fear, and overwhelm, they're going to pop back out and get you. Yes, this is venting and it does help! But maybe it would help also to talk to someone in real life. Whether that someone be a friend, a relative, an adult from school or who knows you and your family, or a professional therapist - it will help to share about what is going on for you. Some people are afraid that if they "let out" their negative feelings they will be completely overwhelmed and unable to function. But actually it can be a lot more stressful to keep pushing the feelings down. And sharing them will relieve some of the pressure building up inside so that you can go on and live your life the best you can.
Talking about stuff is good and it's good that you are doing it here. Maybe some IRL talking would be good too but, if you want to talk here, that's what we do? I used to think I was gonna lose me sooner than most but I am 44 now and have not lost myself yet?
I was 25 when I lost my father; my little brother was 20. It's very difficult to lose a parent when you're young and it must be very scary to think about losing both parents at your age. I just want to wish you strength and to second Zoe's good suggestion. I had a therapist when my father was dying and it made all the difference in the world.
Dear Kelsey, it sounds like you are in a very difficult situation right now and you probably have your reasons to "act as if everything is fine". I also agree with Zoe that speaking with a relative, friend or therapist would probably help you to feel better. It is probably very difficult for you to see your parents have such serious health problems. I want to send you a big balloon of positive energy to help you keep taking care of yourself, because this is something you can do for the better. And I wish you to always find space to talk and express your feelings. Take care and don't give up:)
I have a 16 year old daughter and I can't imagine her dealing with all that you are. You sound very mature and strong. No matter how strong we are we need to have people that we can share our feelings with. It is not always convenient to let our feelings out... for example, when I am at work, I try not to think about things that sadden me as I am not good at holding in tears and would definitely not want to be craying at work. So, I can understand why there would be times when you would want to act as if everything is fine and not cry. But, you should allow yourself a good cry from time to time, or even better, a heart to heart with a good friend that will do their best to understand your fears. Is your big brother supportive? I am thinking that he could be a big support to you just as you can be a big support to both of your brothers when it comes to diabetes and also your parents' illnesses.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with so much and I am very glad that you feel comfortable expressing yourself on TuD... there are lots of caring people here. ((HUGS))