My Lula

There doesn't seem to be a "just general" category on here. I almost never post anything that isn't at least marginally diabetes related. But I feel as if you are all a part of my support community and I've written on here before about my amazing 18 year old survivor cat, so...

I've nearly lost Lula many times (both literally and figuratively many times over her life. Then she was diagnosed with chronic renal failure in September 2009 so I knew it wouldn't be much longer. Because of that I've spent every day appreciating her being a part of my life and letting her know it. She, of course, is a cat and so has taken full advantage of that fact! And I think when you live alone there is an added level to the bond with your cat friend.

I thought she would start to get sicker and then I would know the right time to put her to sleep. But it didn't happen that way. She had a heart attack last night and just like that she was gone. I was in shock and beside myself. But then I realized how much better that was then slowly getting worse and suffering. She was her normal self all day yesterday going in and out, sitting in her spot in the sun outside; jumping up on the hammock with me, getting her treat "tunie fish" I gave her twice a week in addition to her kidney diet. She sat in my lap while I typed around her on my laptop. Then it happened and she was gone. The vet said she didn't even know. So much better. When i worked with AIDS patients in SF during the height of the epidemic in the 80s people started talking about someone having "a good death". Lula had a good death....though right now it doesn't feel that way. I keep looking up at the sliding glass back door to see if she is waiting to be let in. I couldn't sleep last night because I'm used to her sleeping on my pillow (she always left me a corner!) Death - whether of a beloved pet, a friend or family member almost never makes any sense.

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Permalink Reply by Emily Coles on June 22, 2012 at 10:28am

I'm so sorry, Zoe. I agree that these things make no sense. Your loving companion had to go, but the jar of mayo is still here? How can that be? Sounds like she had a super-awesome life with you, though :)

Permalink Reply by Zoe on June 22, 2012 at 10:36am

Thank you, Donna and Emily. Thanks for saying she was lucky to have me, Donna. That brought tears to my eyes. When I went to the vet everyone kept saying what special care I took of her. (subq fluids daily since Sept. 2009 and daily nausea injections since this January). I just thought it's what you do for a loved pet. But I realize now it helps to hear.

When you know someone will be leaving soon (person or pet) it's an amazing opportunity to show them all the love and kindness you can so you will have nothing to regret.

Permalink Reply by TiaAJ on June 22, 2012 at 10:47am

So very sorry for your loss - peace to you as you cope with her absence.

Permalink Reply by Maycri on June 22, 2012 at 10:49am

Sorry to hear that as well Zoe.
It will take time until you stop feeling the breeze around your feet, seeing movement out of the corner of your eye, expecting to be jumped on at any minute or to hear meowing when opening the fridge but do revel on those memories and not only the good ones but the mischievous ones too. :)
You were lucky to have each other and she was even luckier to enjoy your companionship and love until the end of her days.

Permalink Reply by Zoe on June 22, 2012 at 11:28am

Thanks, Tia and Maycri. It's incredible how large a thing absence can be. My house is full of it. It's wonderful to have so many people understand. I have a fairly limited support network these days so it's so good to have you all. I think I'm going to have to print out this thread in time so I can go back and re-read it.

Permalink Reply by jrtpup on June 25, 2012 at 6:45pm

Zoe, I somehow missed your post so am late coming to it. I'm so sorry about Lulu. I still miss every one of mine that's left, but the pain has lessened with time. Do you know the Rainbow Bridge story?

Permalink Reply by Zoe on June 25, 2012 at 6:54pm

Thanks, jrtpup. I didn't know the Rainbow Bridge story but it's posted above and although I don't have afterlife beliefs, it still really touched me. I also like the "pet's will" that was posted. I've printed out all the responses to keep and look at when I need to.

Permalink Reply by acidrock23 on June 25, 2012 at 7:56pm
Permalink Reply by nel on June 25, 2012 at 8:37pm

Rainbow Bridge music I believe ???
We have had to say " goodbye " to many of our 4 legged friends .We did adopt Senior Rotties and presently have 2 senior cats. Never around for a long time , but a good time ! It has given us comfort to have our pets ashes scattered amongst fruit trees( peach trees )in an orchard not too far from here . Our family name is Peach .

Permalink Reply by Zoe on June 25, 2012 at 8:39pm

Thanks, Nel. I'm waiting for Lula's ashes to come back and be scattered at the base of the hill behind the dome where she liked to sleep in the sun.

Permalink Reply by Zoe on June 25, 2012 at 8:38pm

My Lula would say (in cat-ish): "I think that opera was sufficiently dramatic for my crazy/happy life! Thank you AR"

Permalink Reply by Natalie ._c- on June 25, 2012 at 8:34pm

Zoe, I'm so sorry I didn't catch this until today. I know how much you loved her, and how difficult it is to lose a long-term close friend. I am truly glad she didn't linger and suffer, but I also know that her loss has left a huge hole in your heart. I don't have the words to say except that I understand the depth of your grief. <3

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