My Lula

There doesn't seem to be a "just general" category on here. I almost never post anything that isn't at least marginally diabetes related. But I feel as if you are all a part of my support community and I've written on here before about my amazing 18 year old survivor cat, so...

I've nearly lost Lula many times (both literally and figuratively many times over her life. Then she was diagnosed with chronic renal failure in September 2009 so I knew it wouldn't be much longer. Because of that I've spent every day appreciating her being a part of my life and letting her know it. She, of course, is a cat and so has taken full advantage of that fact! And I think when you live alone there is an added level to the bond with your cat friend.

I thought she would start to get sicker and then I would know the right time to put her to sleep. But it didn't happen that way. She had a heart attack last night and just like that she was gone. I was in shock and beside myself. But then I realized how much better that was then slowly getting worse and suffering. She was her normal self all day yesterday going in and out, sitting in her spot in the sun outside; jumping up on the hammock with me, getting her treat "tunie fish" I gave her twice a week in addition to her kidney diet. She sat in my lap while I typed around her on my laptop. Then it happened and she was gone. The vet said she didn't even know. So much better. When i worked with AIDS patients in SF during the height of the epidemic in the 80s people started talking about someone having "a good death". Lula had a good death....though right now it doesn't feel that way. I keep looking up at the sliding glass back door to see if she is waiting to be let in. I couldn't sleep last night because I'm used to her sleeping on my pillow (she always left me a corner!) Death - whether of a beloved pet, a friend or family member almost never makes any sense.

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Permalink Reply by Peetie on June 20, 2012 at 2:29pm

So sorry to hear of your loss Zoe. I agree, it never really makes sense. Thinking of you. Joanne

Permalink Reply by Zoe on June 20, 2012 at 2:58pm

Thanks, Peetie!

Permalink Reply by Sam Iam on June 20, 2012 at 2:47pm

As a closet cat person, I'm very sorry to hear this.

Permalink Reply by Zoe on June 20, 2012 at 2:59pm

Thanks, Sam. Come out of that closet; it's so worth it!

Permalink Reply by Joyce on June 20, 2012 at 3:06pm

Zoe, So sorry for your loss of Lula. She was family and it was a blessing her passing was quick. It is never easy to lose these wonderful souls. They are our hearts. Take care. (Hugs)

Permalink Reply by Zoe on June 20, 2012 at 3:27pm

Thanks guys. That was her favorite "triangle" in my dome, especially during winter when it was directly above a heater!

Permalink Reply by Trudy on June 20, 2012 at 3:49pm

Hi Zoe. The death of each of my companion animals (mostly cats and dogs) stays indelibly in my mind -- as of course does the deaths of family members and friends. Each and every death is terribly difficult for us. I'm so sorry that your Lula is gone.

Permalink Reply by acidrock23 on June 20, 2012 at 3:53pm

Sorry to hear your sad news. I hope I die as good a death!

Permalink Reply by Zoe on June 20, 2012 at 4:01pm

Thanks, AR. Yes, Trudy I know what you mean and I'm hoping that I can move over to thinking what a great crazy life we had together for 18 years (moving from California to Guatemala and back for instance!)and all the love she gave me, instead of thinking about the loss, but I know that takes time. I just wrote a poem about my friend Tami from high school that celebrated our bond and she died 2 1/2 years ago.

Permalink Reply by Trudy on June 20, 2012 at 4:12pm

Zoe, time does help. So does writing. My son who died 20 years ago would have had a birthday tomorrow. Not long ago I wrote a poem in his honor: http://www.tudiabetes.org/group/poetryclub.

Permalink Reply by Zoe on June 20, 2012 at 4:18pm

Oh my. Thanks for sharing that Trudy, I can't even imagine what that felt like. I hope you have a day of good remembering for your son tomorrow.

Permalink Reply by Pastelpainter on June 20, 2012 at 4:55pm

Take your time to grieve Zoe, you will miss Lula so much, our pets entwine themselves around our hearts.

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