Those who have followed anything I've posted in the past know my struggles with highs.
I've been on the pump since May of 2011 and a CGM for a few months now.
Since then, my A1Cs have come down almost 3% and overall I've changed. I am being more active and eating considerably lower carb.
With all these positive changes, I've quickly gone back to hypo unaware, which is what caused my years of highs out of fear to begin with.
I've only been waking up or catching the lows last second when the CGM alerts that I'm dropping too fast or hit my low range.
I had the paramedics called for a 41 out of nowhere on Tuesday.
Tonight, I had a mid 300s drop to 80 in a matter of 90 minutes and had to race to the ER because even glucose gel didn't stop the plummet.
The ER doctor was kind. She simply stated the obvious, that my lifestyle choices require me to turn down my basals. I get it. I know it. But I have a massive guilt/fear complex of turning them down because I don't want to return to the high A1Cs.
To complicate matters more, I'm in a fairly new relationship and this week we moved in together. He's not taking it well. He had an angry/blaming reaction Tuesday night. And a "I wasn't prepared for this/scared" reaction tonight. I fear losing him because I'm such a burden as usual in my relationships.
I feel like I'm doing everything I'm supposed to and despite this, feel like a failure and completely defeated.
That's all. Needed to share.
I have been diabetic for 38 years and married for 35. I realize I am an old fart but here are my observations on the relationship for what it is worth. First Diabetes is not you but it is your passenger. When you move in so does diabetes. Rotten deal, inconvenient you get, but it packed its bags as well. You are inseparable.
When i got married my wife and I had not lived together, but we had been through several lows and she was still ill equipped to handle the lows. She felt constrained, embarrassed and inept in the face of the lows. We had to figure it out and it was not perfect. As we lived more and more together She took a more stepped up active role in my management. Today she handles the lows if she is home, calls 911 if needed, and scolds me for highs and lows.
My point is it does not occur overnight. Both of you have to hit a stride. You have to show your vulnerability, and frankly he needs to step up and say yeah I get it we can figure this out. If he does not see himself in this role and you cant blame him if he don't, he needs to move down the pike. I hate saying that, I know you have high hopes, and I have high hopes for you. But lets face it, you did not choose insulin, neither did I. I suggest a frank conversation and cut it off if it will not work.
It worked for me but not ever time. I dated a girl once who was appalled by my diabetes. She wanted nothing to do with it. I broached it on the first date, and we never went out again. She did not wish to be part of it. I get it, hell I didn't want to be part of it. I grew up with the disease, (my mom had it) so to me it was like second nature. But I also saw people who would not take care of diabetic children because they were scared, and invariably some of those people ended up at my house and my mom watched them.
Now none of those people were bad, none lacked courage, but all of them washed their hands of people who used insulin. Chances are this is your first serious relationship that might be ruined because of diabetes. Talk it out, be frank and tell him you understand if he needs to drop it.
Then consider something else, think abut some therapy, I always say this and people say hey I don't need therapy, well neither did I until it nearly broke me 20 years into my marriage. I was angry, in denial and just plain mean about the disease. I wish i had those years back, I would be better off today.
Finally, if your current BF walks, I will promise you 100% someone out there is looking for you. He will learn about the disease, learn what to do and put your health front and center. I found that and I told my wife before we got married I did not think we could because I was not sure she was strong enough. That shows how dumb I am, because she is tough. I mean really tough. I wish you the very best.
What I do, since I live alone, is keep my favorite hypo foods (pixie sticks, oatmeal bars, grapes, and kool aid) right by my bed. I usually wake right up when I feel myself going down. Just so I don't have to go tearing through the fridge.
That is the only thing I hate about night time.
Anyway, 3% is awesome. You are doing really good I think. Don't give up. :0)
Also, don't be down on yourself. Just teach your boyfriend about your condition and what he should expect.
I can relate to that same feeling of being a burden on your partner, I have been married for about 4 years now and it has been a roller coaster for us due to my uncontrolled diabetes at time. I feel like I can really relate to your feelings and issues that you are coping with. I want to start utilizing this site more often for support and advice.
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