I find it quite frustrating about not having a proper name for what afflicts me.
This D thing started for me about 4 years ago.
I started off with my first ever OGTT years and years ago apparently normal, then a few years later showing a completely flat response. Monitoring fasting levels and they were slowly increasing over time, but post eating was apparently normal. Then another OGTT in the first weeks of PG with my daughter in 2008 showed numbers above range. Took insulin from about 3 months pregnant with my daughter. Off insulin (with reasonable diet and exercise control after having her), but back on insulin when TCC for no. 2, after a dose of steroids sent BS high. Took another 12 months to get and stay .... so I was on insulin for 12 months before the pregnancy and of course on insulin now at 35 weeks (90+ units a day now with lower carb diet (compared to a max of about 40 units a day when PG with my daughter).
Tested A1C before pregnancy and it was at the low end of the reference range. Tested Anti-GAD and it was negative.
So what am I?
My endo says GDM, and that this will go away. He says I am NOT type 1, but on the other hand he has never said I am type 2.
The obstetrician says Type 2 because it persisted after the first pregnancy....
Both of which should mean I can get off insulin permanently in a few weeks....
I think I really DO want to know what type I am.... it will also determine if I switch to oral meds after pregnancy / diet exercise only / or stay on insulin... And I really do feel that if it is type 2 it should be something I can (and must) self control with diet and exercise....
Guess I just have to wait and see what happens after baby is delivered.....
I don't have any words of wisdom, Sally, but just want to say I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. I'm sorry you don't have anyone to talk to. That's got to be a lonely feeling. Is there perhaps someone in your life that you haven't given much thought to be who would be there for you, just to listen, or maybe just to have fun with and forget all the things you are struggling with? Whatever you do that makes you feel at ease and nurtured, it sounds like now is the time. And perhaps you can allow yourself to let that "in control strong woman face" down at least for a little while in some circumstance? That's awful stressful to maintain! Can you and your daughter, or you and a girlfriend or just you and you, find a way to play in the next couple days?
Breaks don't have to be big things. Lots of time people "hold on" and stay in control and stressed out because they don't have time (or money) for, say, a vacation in the Bahamas. Much smaller things can serve as treats or breaks: An afternoon at a spa,a massage, a silly movie, shopping for small treats - wandering used bookstores (one of my personal favorites), consignment and second hand shops, an hour in a park listening to the birds and feeling the sun, an hour watching your daughter in a playground. Even smaller: a bubble bath, time to do absolutely nothing in total silence or listening to relaxing music, lying in a hammock with a book. I even have suggested to people in high stress jobs that they walk around the block during a break, or just go into the bathroom and spend five minutes breathing and relaxing tense muscles.
As for venting, perhaps a Skype call with a distant family member or friend? Free and nice to see their smiling faces. Do you have or can you get a group for support - whether just women, pregnancy, or diabetes. Or even a paid therapist to have someone who will listen. Oh yes, and you do have a place to vent...here! I'm glad you have and hope you continue! I haven't used any of the chats on here, but that's another alternative to communicate with TuD people.
Hi Super_sally, I'm so sorry that you're having a rough time of it right now. Please know that you're no doubt inspiring many with all that you do and with the care that you're taking of yourself and your baby.
I also can empathize with your frustration over not knowing what type you are. My path was equally as frustrating.
I was diagnosed as GDM 25 years ago at the age of 27 when I was pregnant with my daughter at the beginning of the 3rd month. Ob-gyn tested me early because of family history. Ob-gyn said that the results of the glucose tolerance test were so elevated that they put me on insulin quickly.
After I delivered my daughter, my bg levels immediately dropped back to normal. I was cautiously optimistic and maintained good diet/exercise routine. About 6 months after delivery, I began with the extreme thirst and hunger, urination, losing weight.
My PCP at the time, an internist, told me I was Type 2. Then began the parade of oral meds while I just got sicker. The fatigue was so extreme that I would lay my head down on my desk at work. It was to the point that I could not function.
It was my ob-gyn who told me I needed to go to an endo and recommended one he knew well. My endo immediately put me on insulin but never told me what type I was. I was young and naive and just didn't know the right questions to ask. When I finally asked what type I was, my endo said definitely Type 1. He said that I was probably going through the honeymoon phase when I was originally diagnosed and that's why the misdiagnosis.
You are so much more knowledgeable about diabetes and how to care for it than I was at your age. So give yourself a pat on the back for doing the things that you need to do to stay healthy for yourself and your babies. :)