Today I realized I get very scared about lows, not waking up, acting crazy at work, being needy and dependent on family members, and losing my job and family members. Maybe that's why I haven't been testing my BG's enough! I don't want to face reality.

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The day to day doesn't scare me it's the worry that it will end my life earlier than if I was without it. I'll never know, I guess.

Immediately I'm scared about not getting a job with adequate health insurance, as I won't be able to afford my supplies on my starting salary unless I cut back big time on... everything.

In the long term/overall picture I'm scared of not being able to live out the years I would have been able to enjoy if I didn't have diabetes. I feel like there is a lot I'm going to miss out on because I got dealt a s***** card.

I fear that diabetes will rob me of myself too early... sight, touch, toes, legs, kidneys. That all of the years I spent out of control will catch up to me, despite all of my current efforts.

Chadd, I hoard when I can, too. Not with insulin or things that expire (And I was down to my last 25 test strips not long ago), but for non-perishables, like infusion sets and reservoirs, I say that if you've got a good insurance plan, get as many as you can. Right now, I'm going through pump supplies that I received - I think - in 2008. My endo prescribed me to change a set every 2 days, and I go closer to 4, but every three months -- I mark the calendar -- I refilled the prescription whether I need it or not. Now I know that, if I suddenly lose my medical coverage, I have enough to last me for quite awhile.

I like your way of thinking. I always wait until I run out of test strips to refill. I think I'll start watching the date and refill as soon as I can so I'll always have some put back just in case. Thanks.

That I will have diabetes for the rest of my life. It is not so bad now, I am young and healthy I suppose. But when the years start fading away...that is why it is SO important we work for a cure now. For everyone, no matter what age they are. We have to change things.

Stoyan, I know that your ambitions are to advocate for a cure, and I am more optimistic than ever right now that the glorious day will come, but it's messages like yours that scare me. From my interactions with the DOC, I feel like there is a sizeable group of people with diabetes who are banking on a cure, and in doing so have been lax on their personal care and treatment.

Most of us don't have the technical or biological knowledge nor the laboratory resources to get us closer to a cure. The most powerful thing we are capable of doing is taking care of ourselves by watching our blood sugars, monitoring what we eat, identifying and adhering to our I:C ratios... all the normal good stuff that can lead to a long happy and healthy life.

Hopefully I will outlive my diabetes, but right now I'm conducting my life as if it will be with me forever, 'til death do us part. That means doing my best to avoid future complications, and putting extra money away to cover D in my retirement. Right now, that's all that I can really control, and it would be foolish not to do so on the hopes that, one day, I could rid myself of this disease.

Not even laboratory resources seem to help everyone. There's quite a few people who have major challenges despite going to Joslin, which, until I started hanging around online, seemed like Shangri-la or something. I think that a better strategy that would be lighter and heavier at the same time might be a way to help. It seems like a hugely active disease but treatment seems like it's impaired by communication paradigms that seem to lack a sense of urgency? It may just be that there's not enough doctor's to go around but we really have to be our own doctors, nurses, labs, lawyers (to fight with $%^&*@ insurance companies and the government about $#*& they seem clueless about?) and psychiatrists..."is this real depression or hypo depression...I'd test but I can't get enough test strips..."

Say what? Are you meaning that it's like in "Lorenzo's Oil" where if everyone knew D was going to finish us all off next Thursday the doctors, nurses, labs, etc. would get off their butts and cure it Weds. night?

At age 64 (on Mar 7), I don't have THAT many years left, and there is no way I can bank on a cure. I'm much more interested in technology that will allow me to live a healthy life NOW, and die as far in the future as possible of something unrelated to diabetes, with no complications.

Of COURSE I would like to see a cure for the young'uns of both types, and I would like to see prevention even more, so nobody has to suffer at all, but I can't concentrate on a cure at the expense of the life *I* have left to live.

My freedom.

My scarey thoughts about diabetes are about the same as anything else...Bottom line is I dont want to ever be in a position where I dont have control of my body...It really doesnt matter if I get into a bad accident or diabetic complication, its all the same to me...So I dont focus on what could happen with my diabetes because I could live my whole life complication free and something other could randomly wrong. I just do my absolute best to control my BG and enjoy today...thats all I can do




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