Diabetics with Depression

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Comment by Scott on November 3, 2009 at 8:34am

Hi Debi

I think I may know exactly where you are coming from. I've been diabetic since I was 7 and suffered from clinical depression for as long as I can remember. Suicide has been in range several times and I often think that it's amazing I am still here. My son had health issues when he was younger and spent a lot of time in hospitals. When he was six, we weren't sure if he'd be able to read or write, let alone be able to live on his own. He's worked hard and is now an average teenager, attitude and all.

It is so difficult when depression pulls you down. It makes every task a "why bother" task. You feel physically bad from the depression, then start slacking on the diabetes which makes you feel worse... and that cycle can go on and on as long as you let it. Eventually, you end up feeling guilty when you feel good because you are "supposed" to feel bad.

I hope you can find someone to talk to about these things and get the care you need. You do have reasons to go on, we all do, its just a matter of being able to see it which can be so damned hard. Your family loves you. One thing that helped me was trying to answer this question. Why would dad rather be dead than be with me?.

Comment by Sohair Abdel-Rahman on November 2, 2009 at 9:18pm

How you dare.....



The emptiness inside was as large
As the universe
At least
For
Her
She wanted to fill this
Hole
Crater of a volcano
That eager
To scream
For now
And
All


She went looking
How she can end it all
Looked for her insulin bottle
And thought
Hypo is an old friend
She can make it
The last

Got the bottle
And
The needle
Got hundred units
And her blood glucose
Was hundred
The rule of hundred is applicable
To the point

She stared at the lonely figure there
As if the world has stopped
Beating
Itself
The world had died instantly
So
She has
To follow

The scream of her daughter
Cut the silence
Of the last moment
She left the needle
And ran

The little girl cried
Mum
Are you alive?
I had a nightmare
That
You ended
Your life


They hugged each other
Till morning
The tears were mixed hot
Warmed their lonely existence
Forever
And
She
Lived


3 November 2009

Comment by Sarah Keech on November 2, 2009 at 11:30am

Thank you Cathy for your thoughtful comments.

Comment by Sarah Keech on November 2, 2009 at 11:29am

Thank you Rose. I believe sometimes we feel isolated and do not realize how many people care for us. It is worth it to keep trying.

Comment by Rose Joelle on November 2, 2009 at 10:26am

I have tried and had one thing or another end up saving me from successfully ending my life (that seems like the wrong word but I guess that is what it amounts to). I have come so close and people say things like that must mean there is a purpose or something but when other people lose loved ones I am so angry because those people had purpose and people who love them and I do not deserve to be the one that somehow lived despite my efforts. I see what you have written about the aftermath on your family and that is one of the things I can not stand to think about. I am so selfish and hateful of myself. I do not think when we are hurting the most that it even registers how bad it would hurt the people who love us to lose us. I am sure if your sister realized she would have stayed despite of her pain. But when I hear your story it reminds me to hold onto that - I am so sorry for what you are going through, you and all of your family. I have been falling more into my deep depressions, my eating disorder thoughts and behaviors are worse than usual and I feel hopeless about my diabetes, financial barriers to health care and the feeling of unfairness and lack of control no matter what I do. My mind sometimes wanders to how it will be okay because either my eating issues or my diabetes will do me in sooner rather than later - but then there is your story here this morning - its been an awful morning at work, yet I clicked in the email link to this comment section - and here I am wondering if i am making sense or sounding as messed up and selfish as I feel making this about me... I guess what I am feeling is that your sister deserved to give herself more time, another chance or whatever it was she was looking for that she felt she couldn't find. I am so sorry she is gone and did not get that one more minute to somehow hold onto the fact that she was loved so much. But thins morning it gives me something to remember and hold onto.

Comment by Manny Hernandez on November 2, 2009 at 10:05am

Debi,
We love you. Your family loves you. There's much more good than bad in our lives, as hard as it may be to realize it sometimes.

Please, please, please: promise me. If you ever have any suicidal thoughts, make sure to call one of these hotlines:
http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/south-africa-suicide-hotlines.html

BIG HUG!!!!!

Comment by Cathy Jacobson on November 2, 2009 at 8:18am

Sarah, I am so sorry at the loss of your sister. I have no sisters only a younger brother by three years, but I know people who are like sisters to me, and to feel that loss must be tremendous. Your brother will heal, his level of healing will depend on him. As you know, the loss of parents, siblings, is tremendous, if's a feeling that grinds at the pit of your heart and soul. Be gentle with yourself, and your family, they are all dealing with the loss in their own way, be there for them and for you. My heart and prayers are with you.

Comment by Sarah Keech on November 2, 2009 at 7:52am

Debi,
I lost my youngest sister this summer. She overdosed. I got to see the aftermath of what my father and brother had to go through. I believe my brother will never heal. I know diabetes is very difficult. Mine is a huge struggle too. Please remember the good in life. I wish I had a daughter. SO precious a gift.

Comment by Debi McCallum on November 2, 2009 at 12:43am

I will take some of your strength, to help me be strong.

Comment by Sohair Abdel-Rahman on November 2, 2009 at 12:28am

Debi,
Every day will be a good day,suffering from depression myself I fight it from moment to another,never I will be defeated by it.

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