When I was working out tonight a song came on that stuck in my mind by THREE DAYS GRACE-Animal I Have Become:
I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself . . .
Not to say that I am out of control but I am having a hard day and the thought struck me that
sometimes I feel like I am not in control of my body like I was when I wasn't a diabetic, it sometimes seems to control me. Maybe I don't like that feeling of lack of control and I don't want to accept it, although if I don't accept,it matters not because reality is, I have diabetes and I will probably have if for the rest of my life.
I have been cruising this site for about a week, making a lot of changes, hopefully for the better, new diet, more exercise, lots of readings, food log, but I don't feel any more in control yet. I guess my body needs to adjust to all the changes. Changes in basal rates and fast acting insulin made by my doctor, new dose in thyroid medication. I feel like I am in shock tonight, like it is too much all at once.
Has anyone else been through something like this and what helped get you through to the other side? How long did it take for the changes to start making you feel better? I feel like I am a guinea pig going through some type of strange scientific experiment that I am performing on myself. Why are all the right things making me feel so bad? Is it just something you have to go through to feel healthy again?
The rest of my life is going fine but trying to be so in control of the diabetes is taking lots of time away from the things that are most important to me, my family, work, life itself.
From those of you who have been there, any thoughts on the journey, and what inspires you to continue being steadfast and true to the diabetes what drives you, motivates you to do your best?