I dont know if this is the right group for me. I dont know that I suffer from depression (well sometimes). I just feel like its more of a symptom than a diagnosis for me. I have OCD tendencies, go through psychosis sometimes, etc. However, I cant even count the number of times I've made "attempts", though futile.
Here's the thing though. The meds are driving me crazy. I take them. If I dont, I end up with a one way ticket to the ER where they know me and dont like me and their first thing is to take away my pump, claiming that I'm a danger to myself with it. Then, they leave me for several hours to go acidotic, try and drug me enough that I pass out and they dont have to deal with me (I admit, at that point I'm less than cooperative, but cant really help it). I end up committed where they increase the dosages of meds that I hate taking and the cycle continues.
One of the meds I'm on is Seroquel and honestly my blood sugars are always higher than they ought to be, and this stuff isn't helping one bit! I'm frustrated and just want to end it all and figure diabetes just complicates everything! My dr basically says "suck it up princess" and tells me not to stop taking the meds but everything in my head is telling me "dont take this... you're going to wake up high and then spend all day the next day feeling like crap (for me that's in the 20's mmol/L so above 360 mg/dl) trying to bring them down again. I take Remeron too and not sure if that has any effect on my numbers or not but I know the Seroquel does.
The thing is right now I'm mostly alone. I have 3 dogs that are really my reason to not die. I cant end up back in the hospital because I have nobody that can take care of them for me, so... I keep taking them only to regret it the next day. I dont even want to think what my next a1c is going to look like. And now I'm not using sensors because I cant afford them and my insurance is maxed out so my numbers have been crazy.
Sorry, kinda a rant, but I guess I'm wondering if anyone else knows the feeling. BJ
BJ ...an invite to attend https://www.facebook.com/events/434526843234059/?ref=ts...here in S.A
I am going and you may recognize others !
On September 10, we are hosting 'World Suicide Prevention Day' at Marine Park in Salmon Arm. (see attached poster). We will be remembering those who have died by suicide, support and acknowledge those who grieve and promote suicide awareness and local suicide prevention initiatives. Please share this with family and friends and come be part of the healing and prevention.
another link copied from FaceBook