Ready to pack it in...
I dont know if this is the right group for me. I dont know that I suffer from depression (well sometimes). I just feel like its more of a symptom than a diagnosis for me. I have OCD tendencies, go through psychosis sometimes, etc. However, I cant even count the number of times I've made "attempts", though futile.
Here's the thing though. The meds are driving me crazy. I take them. If I dont, I end up with a one way ticket to the ER where they know me and dont like me and their first thing is to take away my pump, claiming that I'm a danger to myself with it. Then, they leave me for several hours to go acidotic, try and drug me enough that I pass out and they dont have to deal with me (I admit, at that point I'm less than cooperative, but cant really help it). I end up committed where they increase the dosages of meds that I hate taking and the cycle continues.
One of the meds I'm on is Seroquel and honestly my blood sugars are always higher than they ought to be, and this stuff isn't helping one bit! I'm frustrated and just want to end it all and figure diabetes just complicates everything! My dr basically says "suck it up princess" and tells me not to stop taking the meds but everything in my head is telling me "dont take this... you're going to wake up high and then spend all day the next day feeling like crap (for me that's in the 20's mmol/L so above 360 mg/dl) trying to bring them down again. I take Remeron too and not sure if that has any effect on my numbers or not but I know the Seroquel does.
The thing is right now I'm mostly alone. I have 3 dogs that are really my reason to not die. I cant end up back in the hospital because I have nobody that can take care of them for me, so... I keep taking them only to regret it the next day. I dont even want to think what my next a1c is going to look like. And now I'm not using sensors because I cant afford them and my insurance is maxed out so my numbers have been crazy.
Sorry, kinda a rant, but I guess I'm wondering if anyone else knows the feeling. BJ
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Bill on -
BJ, things are not quite as bad as it seems. On your A1C #s I've recently learned to stop fixating on them as their only a rough average. My daily reading have been traveling both ends of the glucometer scale and yet my A1C is 10.8 my focus has changed to controling my food intake binges to keep the BG reading loosley consistent accross the days graph rather than wildly fluctuating thru the day. All the while not focusing on anything A1c.
The following is not a medical recommendation just some opinions of a diabetic joe who has anxiety issues and is coming out of a major depression.
OCD is in a nutshell a anxiety disorder. (anxiety + fear =OCD) Have you recieved or were refered to any CBT thru your nearest mental center? The CBTs are a important part of recovery equaly important as the Rx aspect. The CBT provide u with the knowledge and "tools" to understand your own anxiety plus start the path to better OCD management via meaningful, simple, and reasonable steps.
Some cases of OCD can be misinterpreted as aditional psychosis. And yes, you are extremely likely suffering depression. It's very common with anxiety related disorders.
Your drugs. Keep taking them regularly as the side effects of cold turkey can cause permanent mental n physical damage. Please get another professional physcologists opinion on your treatment both physical and mental. You may need to go to a much larger community where better professionals are attracted too. (Kamloops ?) It will take time and possibly a referral is required. Seroquel is an extremely harmful and questionable drug to use. In my opinion it has more issues than the benefits implied. US vets are suing it over deaths Andy it caused diabetes. You may be experiencing side effects that make managing your diabetes even more difficult as it increases appetite and added weight gain. Upon withdrawal one of many side effects is the mimicking of physcotic behavior.
Your health care teams needs to seriously review and weight the advantage of This drug over other varieties that perform similarly with less drastic side effects. Certainly we havent heard all your medical issues and Rx. Self awareness of your multifaceted issues and a desire to stabilize and balance them to the best of you and your teams abilities goes a long ways to feeling more whole again. Depression, like diabetes, is a long road. What is frustrating today may become a easy button item in the future.
P.S. when u feel frustration setting in. Immediately stop what is frustrating you and move to something different. It helps tremendously in your efforts at recovery and self improvement. Apologies for the long post. -
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Permalink Reply by nel on
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BJ ...an invite to attend https://www.facebook.com/events/434526843234059/?ref=ts...here in S.A
I am going and you may recognize others !On September 10, we are hosting 'World Suicide Prevention Day' at Marine Park in Salmon Arm. (see attached poster). We will be remembering those who have died by suicide, support and acknowledge those who grieve and promote suicide awareness and local suicide prevention initiatives. Please share this with family and friends and come be part of the healing and prevention.
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another link copied from FaceBook
https://www.facebook.com/pages/FORCE-Society-Salmon-Arm-Support-Gro... -
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