the creeper....

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Permalink Reply by Louisa on July 28, 2009 at 1:30am

i want someone to say it sucks - It sucks, more than a dyson hoover, it really does suck
i want someone to feel what i feel - I bet I have felt similar
i want to be free for one day - See I don't, because then having been free I'd have to have it again
i want to speak my mind - You can do that here or do you mean in 'real life'? That's a toughie if it's in real life but as long as you try to be calm when you speak your mind, it can be for the best
i want someone to know how i feel - About D? or someone in particular?
i want control - Ahhhh I dream of that too, though I get almost on top of it, just as I'm almost sure its there, it gets like a wet bar of soap and slips right outta my hands again.
i want someone to notice - What, that you're unhappy or diabetic or you?
i want someone to care - I do :o)
i want to live - you can, you are, but depression is what stops you living really isn't it? I always thought that, depression and fear, fear of the future, fear of the "what if's", fear of disappointment, grasp the nettle with both hands, feel the fear and do it anyway
i want someone to understand - I can try, I expect I already do, I've been here often
i want someone to help - I can try I've been pill-less for 4 years now, I get really dark grey periods, where i get frightened that I'll be back where I was and not be able to get out again
i want someone to get it - I think I do, I am sure there are plenty of people who'll read this who'll 'get it'
i want to feel normal - Amen!!
i'm sick of lows - yup
i'm sick of highs -yup
i'm sick of being alone - alone as in diabetic or alone as in 'im not sharing my life with anyone' If it's the D you aren'y alone, there are atleast 10000 of us here,
i'm sick of pretending - I am a pretender, I always have that 'stepford wife fixed smile' though sometimes I coulda broken my own teeth I grit them so hard.
i'm sick of putting on a face - see above
i'm sick of lying - who're you lying to? yourself, parents, oH, Dr? Honesty doesn't always taste nice but then everyone one can try to understand better
i'm sick of trying - yeah hearing you there honey
i'm sick of failing - again hearing you on that one too.

Take heart honey, even if we don't get it all most of us will understand, You can always talk to us, I'd be happy for you to PM me.
My psych used to get me to do 2 major things, right when you feel bleak and surrounded by the 'ick'
1/ grade your days on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 for blackest of black, where you can't get out of bed, don't wash, let your cat/goldfish/dog go hungry, don't open the post or out out the rubbish and 10 for white where nothing is impossible, today is great, I am on top of the world. every other shade is grey and you can work with grey.
The other thing was, do a little something purely for YOU every day for at least 5 minutes, whether it be painting your nails, wearing your favourite shoes, reading a book, starting a new hobby like cross-stitch or knitting or something (left-brained that's the logic side to counter the emotional right), walk your dog, walk your neighbours dog.
You are worth a minimum of 5 minutes every day doing something for you.
HTH(a bit) x x x

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Permalink Reply by Cathy Jacobson on July 28, 2009 at 11:02am

Amen. And I do get it. It sucks, I feel what you are feeling....do you feel what I am feeling? A free day, wonder what that would be like? Speak your mind, even if it's not kind and sappy. Tell me how you feel. You do have some control...most of it infact, and if not, take it back. I've noticed how you are and what you are saying, most of all I've noticed YOU. I do care. I'm with you living beats the alternative, let's go for it. I understand, but if you think I don't, talk to me and help me understand better. What kind of help can I give you. I do get it, I'm there right now. I don't feel normal, but I'm working on it , what to work on it with me? I'm sick of all the things that you are sick of and I'm also sick of people trying to fix things that they have no clue how to fix. Sometimes I just want them to be with me.

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Permalink Reply by Sohair Abdel-Rahman on August 21, 2009 at 5:39am

You are normal,diabetes cannot touch your soul my dear.

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