I understand, and think what you are going through is more common than many realize. I have one daughter and am pregnant with my second child. Every waking moment, every breath, I am concerned with my diabetes and my overall health. I feel like my OB doesn't 'get' what it is like to have a diabetic pregnancy, my friends don't understand how my experiences can be so different from theirs. Even my husband, who is so supportive, doesn't feel what I feel and see what I see. We have each other within this community that understand and that is something that is truly valuable.
Stay strong. Vent to us, lean on us and know that we're going through the same things.
I understand and share your feelings. Despite a good team (endocrinologist and primary care physician), I still feel incredibly alone with my diabetes. My wife - as good and accommodating as she is - is terrified of needles and blood and could not even check my BG or disconnect my pump in the event of an emergency. She would simply have to call 911 and wait for their response.
I was diagnosed as an adult (age 52) and our children were grown, so I didn't have to consider their impressions of my condition, and at this point they simply accept that I have to test frequently and use my pump when eating or to correct for low/high conditions. We've never discussed symptoms, but probably should so they would know what to watch for if I have a problem while with them.
My endocrinologist assures me that I will not die of diabetic complications (BG, cholesterol, and blood pressure are all well-controlled), but every time I get hurt, I worry about delayed healing et. al. Diabetes is certainly a frequent focus of my life. I'm not sure my family understands my "obsessiveness" with planning for anything extraordinary: do I have enough insulin in my pump? Spare infusion set(s)? Carbs to treat low? Test strips?
When I succumb to those feelings I tend to wallow in them for awhile, a few days heavily then lessening. Part of the reason for rising is the necessity, for me, to pull out of the slope leading to depression. Oh yeah, there is more than occasional mild depression effected by family, future, finances, fate and diabetes. I have to recognize that I am in a "poor me" mode - lonely, angry with the duties of diabetes and frightened of what MAY lie ahead.
Lately my head has been humming refrains from George Harrison's Beware of Darkness
Watch out now,
Take care beware the thoughts that linger
Winding up inside your head
The hopelessness around you
In the dead of night
Beware of sadness
It can hit you, it can hurt you -
Make you sore and what is more,
That is not what you are here for
All of us feel the same way. That's what TuDiabetes is for. Here you vent, rant, soothe, laugh and make friends. And learn a lot. Keep posting! 32 years and still going.........
Yes, we fight alone. The DOC helps, so do social groups like Adult T1, and other people try to understand and help. But moment to moment, you're right, we each fight as individuals. Everyone does, diabetic, nondiabetic.
Will it affect your kids? Yes. A carefree childhood is an illusion; I don't know anyone who had one. Yes, it bothers me that my daughter sometimes has had to take care of me. I'm the Mom; I'm supposed to take care of everyone, not the other way around.
My daughter took a long time to get her driver's license, partly because a guy she knew had died in a car crash. Unfortunately, this was too common at her high school, but this was a close friend of hers. Even after she finally passed the test, she didn't want to solo. One day, she and I walked over to the video store. I just stuck some money in my back pocket, thinking it was a short walk. A block from home, I knew I had gone really low. She ran home, got the car, my glucose tablets and meter, and drove back down the hill to where I sat on the curb.
Sometimes we have to let others be strong for us.
I am a13 year diabetic who just went on a pump. I have a great doc and great friends. I dont feel alone anymore. all my friends know i am a diabetic and i always talk about it. you would be surprized how manu others around you are no speakers. i want all my friends to know i am fine and can be anything they can be. I teach them all about what to do if they see me wacked out. the red kit i carry in my bag is shown to all new groups i am part of. I carry my kit like a women carries a purse and i am proud of it. I have even saved others suffering form low sugar when they didnt carry their own equipment. i dont feel alone. I do tell all around me what i got and how to help me. speak up and let all those aorund you know I AM A DIABETIC, I WEAR A PUMP. DONT PITTY ME. But if you see me not acting right HELP ME! Be strong my fellow padwon, use the force.
I think after you get use to the pump, you will feel more "normal". What is "normal" anyway? I like the fact that I have to think about every little thing that I put in my mouth! Before LADA diabetes I ate whatever I wanted whenever I felt. I was fat and lazy. I didn't think about how I was hurting myself. Now I think about everything, all the time. It is a blessing to be alive. It effected my last pregnancy, but she turned out to be wonderful, and a blessing to me. She is 6 and we talk about my diabetes, my fibromyalgia, and my rheumatoid arthritis. She can dial 911 if she needs to and has started to assist my husband in giving me shots if I need them. She will never see me as "sick" as long as I don't see myself as "sick". I am not sick, I am different and my needs are different. Who's to say I not normal and everyone else is sick?
I do not describe myself as "sick". I don't see myself as "sick". I initially wrote this post because I wondered if anyone else saw this as a "solitary" disease. I feel that it is. Even with my supportive husband and family, terrific doctor and even a wonderful pharmacy, it still feels like me against diabetes a lot of the time.
I do think about what I eat A LOT. That does not mean that I always make the perfect choice, but I do think about it. I think about the effect what I am eating will have on my blood sugar levels.
Yes, I feel alone with diabetes. That is not to say I don't have wonderful friends and family who would do whatever necessary to help me, but I'M the one who's constantly thinking about it. It's one thing for them to say "did you take your insulin" (done in a caring, not annoying way), but it's another thing to think about timing, and dosage, and the possibility of the need for a second bolus 3 hours from now, and whether I will start to drop and keep dropping, etc. And, of course, they have no idea (for which I'm glad) what it feels like to be low or high, or just exhausted because because the puzzle pieces haven't quite fit in the right spots.
So, yeah, I'm alone, but I DO get comfort from places like this, with people who WILL respond and care about my feelings. All is not lost! :-)
I can understand some of what you are feeling. I feel alone quite often. My parents were both Type 2 diabetics, however they are both deceased now. My siblings do not have diabetes and I am at the age now where I don't have any friends, except the online forum friends.