Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Annette Thomas on February 5, 2010 at 2:27pm

Hello,
I am going on 8 months of trying, but feeling pretty good about it. I know that the right thing at the right time will happen. However, I have a friend who has been trying for a lot longer and one day she said something that made me think. "It's not like all those other pregnant women are having MY baby." I think it really helped her be happy for those who were able to conceive and realize that she too will get a turn and it will be perfect for her. I don't know if that helps, but I thought that statement made a lot of sense.
I wish you the best!

Permalink Reply by kirinqueen on February 5, 2010 at 2:38pm

It's totally true. That does help. My friends and family have been saying similar things, and I totally believe them, but sometimes the impatiences wins in getting me down. :) (And there's the other thing--I'm going to be 33 this year. The clock is freaking ticking.)

Thank you so much for dropping in!

Permalink Reply by Amanda Elliott on February 5, 2010 at 2:40pm

Hello,

I just read your discussion, and I want you to know that there are lot of women who go through this so please don't single yourself out, and think that something could be wrong...I have a friend who tried for 5 years, and was unsuccessful, she couldn't even conceive. Her and her husband were both tested for everything that possibly could of been putting a stop on the pregnancy...the tests kept coming back clear which frustrated them, but at the same time made them happy that they still had a chance. They decided to sell their house so they could use the money on invitro as they thought there was no other option. Once the house sold, they moved to a different city, and within three months they were pregnant - and they did it naturally - no invitro

So go figure, my story really has no moral, but I always think that when it is your time, it will happen, and things always happen for a reason. I am sorry that you had to go through what you did in July, as I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.

Just keep your chin up, and try not to make it take over your life, because when your body stresses out, things start not working properly.

Another thing, have you ever tried the ovulation test strips? They work wonders and have been so helpful for my friends!!!

Permalink Reply by kirinqueen on February 5, 2010 at 2:50pm

I have heard many great stories like that. The doctors & nurses I've mentioned this to have all been so encouraging, too. I mean, hey--we know we're able to conceive already! And I did realize that stressing out about it was surely not helping, so I did try to make a conscious decision not to stress out so much. Of course, it's one thing to say it, and quite another to do it! :)

Dude, I did not even know there was such a thing as an ovulation test strip. I've just been trying to stick to the calendar so far. I'm going to check into those for sure! Thank you!

Permalink Reply by Kristin on February 6, 2010 at 5:01am

Hi I can understand your frustration and sorry to hear about the miscarriage. That is always difficult.

I think that we all imagine getting pregnant in the first couple months. Among my perfectly healthy friends, it took most of them several months or even a couple years to get pregnant. Of my close friends, most of them faced a miscarriage as well.

I think that people are not very open about these topics. So we imagine that the "norm" is getting pregnant by the second or third month of trying, but from my (limited) sample, I think that is the expection and not the rule.

My husband and I are not trying yet (but getting close). So I'm trying to prepare myself that it won't happen write away, but I think that I will be very impatient!

Permalink Reply by kirinqueen on February 8, 2010 at 8:04am

I think you are absolutely right that because we don't talk about these things, we get a skewed idea of what is "normal" timing.

I was expecting to have to be patient at first, but now I feel like I've already used up that patience, hehe.

Thank you for stopping by!

Permalink Reply by Anna on February 7, 2010 at 6:28pm

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have been trying since September as well and nothing is happening so far. I can name 8 of my close friends and family that have had babies in this last year and it breaks my heart that I'm not one of those people. I know that it will happen when it's supposed to, but it's hard to hear about people having babies when you're trying to have one yourself.

Permalink Reply by kirinqueen on February 8, 2010 at 8:07am

I try to remember that it's because I'm trying myself that it seems like every other woman among my contemporaries is pregnant now, but it just doesn't seem that way. Grrr, deep breath, patience must be my watchword!

Good luck to you! May we both have happy announcements for this group soon. :)

Permalink Reply by Anna on February 8, 2010 at 9:17am

I work in a maternity store, too, so that doesn't help much :) I think it's so much more frustrating for us because so much time and effort is put in to even getting to the point to where you CAN start trying. So sometimes on top of it being 5 or 6 months of trying, you've got another X amount of months of getting ready for it. At least that's what's the most frustrating thing for me.

But you're right, hopefully soon we'll both have some great news!

Permalink Reply by MelissaBL on February 17, 2010 at 11:06am

It took my husband and I nine months after we got the green light. I was miserable and anxious, having felt like I'd waited so long to finally have permission to start trying and then seeing that negative every month... And I can relate that every success story devastated me. That's part of why I came here to TuD.

Normally, they ask couples to try for a year before seeking help, but my endo told me after a few months of trying, since I was 30 and had my A1c right where we wanted it, that if I wasn't pregnant within 6 months, she'd refer me to a reproductive endo in the area (whom I saw in the ninth month). We saw him, he did some testing on us and determined nothing was wrong, gave me a shot of injected ovulation trigger, and whammo we were pregnant immediately. Just gave birth to a healthy little girl two weeks ago. If you can afford to pay for any fertility treatment assistance at all, you may not have to go the whole hog and go through the expensive IVF or less expensive IUI cycles. We paid less than $1000 for the testing and injected drugs, but never had to invest in the procedures. It was great having the peace of mind that there wasn't anything "wrong" with us and that eventually we could have a healthy baby. Then it just happened.

You may not need to worry about fertility docs yet. Our fertility doc said we were probably just in that 20% of couples who hadn't gotten pregnant after that much trying. Your body also needed time to recover from the mis and the D&C. My friend is 7 months along after losing a baby about 6 months before that and dealing with a D&C. It took her body time to recognize it was no longer pregnant. Most women who miscarry DO go on to have perfectly uneventful pregnancies. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best, kirinqueen.

Permalink Reply by kirinqueen on March 3, 2010 at 3:21pm

Thank you for reminding me about my body needing to recover--I'd kind of forgotten that. My insulin resistance had gone up during the pregnancy, and only just maybe ten days did it come back down to what it was before the pregnancy! I think that might have finally been the turning point for my body. Now let's see how the next few months of trying go. :) (I wish I would have realized that sooner. There could have been a lot less ranting, haha.)

Permalink Reply by Wendella Type 1 on March 3, 2010 at 2:58pm

Sweetie, you're clock aint tickin' yet!!! I'm 42 and have been trying for YEARS and years, and last September my partner and I broke up....... so you are in a lot better shape than a lot of us! People today are having kids well into their 40's, and my Endo says that Diabetes doesn't affect fertility and healthy babies are always the outcome for his patients because they care about the results...........so relax! maybe that's all you need, although hearing "relax" often inflames people! You could try accupuncture, yoga excercises for fertility and relaxation, specialists, as well as guided meditation, fertility diets including lots of spinach and salmon and nuts, and vitamins that affect fertility like zinc, selinium, magnesium, folic acid....

just never give up - that's the only option. And believe it will happen. I had a miscarraige too, and it was the hardest thing I've ever been thru. I believe that's why my partner and I split up. Try to enjoy your days, hobbies, lover, home, and smell all the roses!

So, you and others might read "oh god, she's 42 and single -- it's too late! She should just give up!" but I won't. Never. I WILL be a mom somehow, someway, somewhere, even if it's adoption. I just know it, and in the end that's all you can do is trust and believe in yourself. ;-)

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