Hi All, Here is my question for everyone... Mom's and dad's
we are 6 months in to pumping and I am still quite struggling emotionally...
I find myself falling into a pattern of being sad and angry when blood sugars are bad,
then being a bit more happy and in a good mood when blood sugars are good.
I also tend to be a bit of a controlling personality, and a scientist, so I hope that with knowledge I will do a better job of taking care of her. Our cde told me today I need to chill out a bit, and I guess she is right...
I try not to let my 11 year old see that, because i am learning it's a war and not just a battle,
how do you deal with your emotions? yet keep them in check when the going gets rough??
mom of kennedy
Natalie, I cried MULTIPLE times EVERY day for three months after Sophia was diagnosed. It didn't matter where I was, if Sophia was there or not, I just couldn't stop it. I even cried at my gyn office discussing "other issues",the check out at the grocery store and pharmacies, even in the middle of an ultrasound and the lady got all nervous, because Sophia was/is always on my mind!!! My mom told me I had to get a hold of myself because Sophia may take this into herself that "she" is making mommy very sad. I would also get angry/irritated when her bg were higher than they should be. Sophia started asking "is that bad mommy, did I have a bad sugar" and then I felt bad, vicious circle...... Well, it's true, I had to get a hold of myself and "simmer down" because Sophia was only 4 1/2 and we have a long road ahead of us. I still get on edge when her bg isn't stellar and that's a control issue on my part being a nurse but now I take a breath and say "we just aren't in the right range so we just have to make an adjustment". As far as dealing with my emotions, I really haven't yet. I am angry that she has this and I want to go scream at the world..... BUT, I am controlling them and when I cry about Sophia's diabetes it's on my own time. Maybe I should take a boxing class like T1Naomi'sMommy. That sounds like a GREAT idea. That being said, just being here on this site with people who understand my struggles and what my life is like has been a tremendous stress reliever. Let me know if you find out something that works for you :) and keep your chin up! Lori
thanks, perhaps we healthcare people are harder on ourselves...I can see that definitely!
As a mom of a T1 kid and a licensed mental health professional, I would say you are tying knowledge to your emotions, It's called "intellectualizing" and it is a normal, human defense mechanism. The problem is that defense mechanisms have the long-term effect of preventing you from dealing with the underlying emotions, which are anger and sadness. I am sure all parents carry these emotions for our T1 kids. It's a habit that you'll have to learn to break. You can be mad at diabetes, sad, etc. You can celebrate in-range numbers. The most important thing is to demonstrate for your daughter that you are not immune to the emotional ups and downs of living with a chronic condition. This is a great gift to our children because they have to live with this. Ups and downs are also normal. Just try not to let the numbers dictate them. A doctor once told me - as a kindness - that I was too wrapped up in the numbers. I use this as a kind of mantra when I can feel myself reacting to a high or low on the meter. I'm not trying to diagnose you, just hoping to help. You may certainly contact me directly if you want to talk about it. Tracy firstname.lastname@example.org
Dealing with anger and sadness over diabetes is probably why we are all here on Tudiabetes, joining this community was directly related to my need for help and support with dealing with the emotional and sometimes the scientific end of diabetes. I feel the problem with our society in a general sense it there is a big lack of empathy. I feel that any time I discuss Jacob's diabetes with people not directly affected by diabetes they just don't get it or they do not want to. Everyone wants to relate conversation and experiences back to themselves and if they do not have any dealings with diabetes they just don't have it in their hearts to openly listen and hear me. I had to speak with the school nurse the other day and sent her a thank you email later on because she gets me no mater how busy she is, she is present about what is going on with me and Jacob, a rare and treasured quality. So I feel it is this aloneness in this that can lead to more sadness and anger, how could my coworker understand what i am going through she has three totally normal kids, and she still complains about a little asthma. So gaining social support at places like Tudiabetes is a big start to feeling heard. I gravitate to any type 1's that I meet at my cardiologist office, they get it! But I digress. Yes I react to high blood sugars my son knows I do but I am a mirror to him, if I get all angry and out of control how is he going to handle this in a responsible way. I think of him often throughout the day, have myself a good cry usually on my way to work, it is normal to feel all these emotions. I worry about his emotions as he is now 13. He has his sad moments but it seems I have raised an empathetic child, if I support him and give him some space he usually comes around and apologizes for upsetting me! Honestly, my son is my best inspiration in all of this. I would say you could probably say the same for your child. Children have a way of living in the present, not worrying about the future and having fun in the moment. Jacob handles his diabetes one day at a time, with lots of help and support from mom and dad, he does not feel afraid or alone. He worries about social situations that involve his diabetes and worries about being different. Most of the time however, he is dreaming of going to technical school and being an engineer. Currently he is working on his new years resolutions of being more patient and tolerant ( his little brothers bugs him a bit and I think he realizes he has the first born trait of wanting to be right!) He is also working on his diet and exercise program, not prompted by me, really! I love how he doles out little nutritional tidbits lately. So yes there is undeniable sadness and an overwhelming level of heightened concern for my first born child, sadly more concern than for his brother who does not have diabetes, I almost said not affected by diabetes, of course he is. ( if there is only enough milk for one child in the morning, Jacob gets it and on and on you get the picture) But we are all dealt something to deal with, many things over and over, I have never been one to waste energy on things that can not be changed. Taking good care of us the parents is very important, good nutrition, exercise, ( i love yoga), rest, time in nature, time to be thankful... being a model for our children and yes at times letting our children be a model for us, can be the best advice.
man!! I didn't mean to touch so many nerves!! As kennedy says to me ' Mom Chill Out'
Here is the reason why i feel the NEED to hide my feelings... Its because i am married to a guy who doesn't do ' Feelings' and furthermore he really deals this diabetes VERY differently from me. he will not help with any of her management, and says it's all up to her, or she will be dead. plain and simple as that. It's Bizzaro! We need SERIOUSLY to be in some counseling. I swing the other way, I will do EVERYTHING I can in my power to make it easier on her, including staying up all night checking blood sugars when i need to so she can sleep.
So most of my sadness i am unable to express at home to him, because he thinks THAT IS A PROBLEM, and I am 'crazy'. " save the drama for your mama' is his expression he uses...
anyway, thank's everyone for your help. Its nice to not feel so alone.
I think it is perfectly normal to want to do everything in your power to make it easier on your child. I do the same thing. But I also am making sure along the way, that my son is learning so that he can handle this on his own. I think its unrealistic to think an 11 year old is going to be able to handle this completely on her own and knowing what the end results can be cant think of why any parent wouldnt be a shadow behind their child at all times while they are learning. My son is capable of counting his own carbs. But I do them. He is capable of changing his own site alone. But my husband assists him. I think for now, with this being so new to your daughter that you should be doing what you can to make it easier on her. This is a huge adjustment.
You are newly diagnosed. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief. Do not hold it in. It may take three, four, five years to just go through the stages of grief. The only caveat I have is that I would try to hide my feelings in the presence of the child. They must not be burdened with these feelings. 11 years old is a tough age to be diagnosed because the child is already in pre-puberty or puberty. Endo must counsel you on how to deal with the extreme growth spurts and double to triple insulin dosages needed when the growth hormones are active (for us usually 6pm until 2am in the morning; sometimes till 3:30am). It is extremely difficult, especially since the child comes back into range that same evening later on. So put on your coffee pot nightly; little to no sleep looms for the next three years. Another parent group might be able to counsel you; our endo not much help. Each child is different so you must log, document all food and dosages, basal rates; observe and then make a decision, every few evenings; sometimes nightly. My father was an elec. engineer so his counsel during my childhood (to base decisions on observations, accepting nothing as fact) came in handy. Yes, you are more qualified than many to do this; your training will come in handy. Google "blood sugars during puberty" and you will come up with a lot of info; also search on children with diabetes forums. You are dealing with the roughest part of the battle right now; two years after your DD's first period BG starts to stabilize into a new monthly pattern, without the extreme highs. You can do it; you are well trained for this challenge. Let out your anger, frustration, cry all you want to..... just do it when your child is not around. HUGs. Take care of yourself. P.S. Electronic logs are necessary but keep that written logbook open on a counter with all hourly basals, all boluses, all meals and exercised tracked. You will need to consult it. Written log has been a lifesaver to me during times of unstable sugars.
I read some of the replies and what I want to say to your question is you know your child and how much they can/can't handle. I see a difference in my child when we have issues. My husband is very emotional (an EMT and Patient Care Tech.) when it comes to our 7yo daughter that was diagnosed at 4. If she has a high he reacts and she sees it and she reacts as he does. Then she looks to me and starts asking me what am I going to do. I just turn to her and tell her very simply "We are going to deal with it and no matter what it will be fine" Sometimes that means a trip to the hospital when her pump malfunctions and she begins to throw up and needs fluids to get rid of the keytones and somtimes it means changing that @#$&^ set for her pump again at 1:00 in the am since it didn't work for the third time. I just "Pull up my big girl panties" and get moving. Dwelling on the bad won't make it any better dealing with it will and yes I have my moments but can I change it NO can I make it go away NO. Then why cry about it my child has it and she is the one that has to deal with this for the rest of her life and I have to teach her that whatever happens SHE CAN HANDLE THIS!!!!!
Just remember YOU are the one that knows what your child can and can not handle and base what you do on that. Even with Diabetes and all that goes with it they are still the person that they were before.
As far as the two parents that are arguing GROW UP!! Nothing you are doing is helping the person that has come to US for help. They are asking all of us to give our opinoins and NOT to pick each other apart. I don't usually get this into discussions I just add my two cents and move on but what has happened here has really upset me. NO ONE knows your child better than YOU and both of you are right and BOTH of you are wrong. This woman was looking for your help and look at what you BOTH gave her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes look what I gave her. I gave her advice, I gave her my opinion and I gave her encouragement. I also defended her for not wanting to express her emotions in front of her child and defended my belief on this. Unfortunately difference in opinions can cause people to defend their beliefs.
No need to scould people for something that took place 2 weeks ago and apparently everyone else moved on. Actually no need to scould people period.
Acutally I am not going to get into a contest with you as you did with the other mother on this site. You do whatever you feel is right in the end you are the one that has to live with what you did or did not do. Have a wonderfully delightful day!