a lot of folks who identify as L,G,B, T and/or Q talk about having pride in their identities. why is pride so important?

is pride the opposite of shame? is pride a way to deal with deep-seeded shame?

ive been thinking a lot about this lately cuz if im really honest with myself id have to admit that i feel shame a lot. and i think that my shame (or is it pride?) is what accounts for both my need to be really loud & in your face about my sexuality and also closeted to certain folks. weird, huh?

also, i feel a lot of shame when explaining my diabetes to people (you know, the whole "you did this to yourself" thing). i remember when i found out that diabetes was an auto-immune disease. my whole body let out an noticeable sigh of relief.

im sick of feeling ashamed. but somehow i dont trust pride as the answer. (ever been to a big city pride parade? its lots of people all excited that the corporations care about "us" and trying to prove how much "like straight people" we are).

does pride = assimilation?

if so, what is there to be proud of if we are all the same?

Tags: assimilation, pride, shame

Views: 135

Replies to This Discussion

Great post- intense topic, and you've spoken really eloquently. I really appreciate your comment on how pride and consumerism have merged. On this tip, I often wonder about how pride in "identity" has replaced pride in our actions towards social transformation. What if we felt "proud" about organizing a meeting, going to a march, writing to a prisoner, being able to hold one's own in a good debate, etc.? I do think that "pride" as a feeling and a concept can be a powerful one, but when it applies only to our identities, it becomes hollowed out and available for corporate raiding.
Also, your comments on shame are very interesting. Sometimes I think that "diabetic pride" - as heartening a concept as it is - gets introduced into the conversation so quickly that we all have to pretend that traces of shame don't exist. Hmmm. Can we redirect shame in the same way that we redirect pride? I recall that intense feeling of collectively shouting "shame" at the police when they are being brutal to peaceful protesters- maybe when I feel that hint of "shame" about diabetes, I should call up that feeling- and remind myself what is *really* shameful.
Pride is a resistance of assimilation; being closeted is total assimilation and pride is the willingness to come out and stay out of the closet.
For me, "pride" is kind of a non-event, largely because I have never really run into any real issues with who I partner with, and I have a pretty supportive family, but not everyone does, which is why I think many people feel so strongly about the issue. I do, however, deal a lot with supposed "shame" for having diabetes (even though I have type 1, and therefore could do nothing to prevent it, I get a lot of crap from people saying "Gee, you could have prevented that with different eating and exercise habits" ... to which I usually respond, I weighed 35 lbs. at the time I was diagnosed, I don't think that was ever an issue with my disease ... that usually shuts them up fast). But I do not think I should have to explain my disease, or my "lifestyle" to complete strangers. Its really not any of their business, but I also understand that I have lived my life in places like New England (the first region where domestic partnerships are available in every state), the San Francisco Bay Area, Philadelphia, and currently, NYC. I suppose things might be different if I lived in a small town someplace where church was the center of life in the community and people tend to look at outsiders and people who are different with a scornful eye. For this reason, I think the baggage associated with both sexuality and diabetes are so similar, that maybe we should have a "pride" event for diabetes, too?!
I think I can identify myself with your post best. I too, live in an area where homosexuality is accepted, and also have been lovingly accepted by family. I have been with the same partner for 3 years and have not had to face any difficult issues yet. I do although have faced problems on his side of the story. He comes from a very religious background where his family denies and does not accept his sexuality, therfore him and I have completely different views inveitably.
I cannot say I an not proud nor proud of being gay, yet feel enough comfort within myself to let someone in on my sexuality. I learned to deal with the assumptions ignorance on this earth has to offer, and have also done a fair share in showing that not being attracted to the opposite sex traditionally in NOT a sin.

For the diabetes, I've realized that I've put on a sort of "shell" resistance towards it. ie, I find that I cannot listen to somebody who does not live with the disease downsize the amount of effort it takes to be in control, and realize that I become defensive because it hurts me. I favor my disease and always bring up such questions as why Diabetes is not as infamously spoken about as other diseases are, why the awareness and spotlight isnt on Diabetes.
Having pride for being gay or lesbian is great because it keeps diversity in the world, and shows that we are not afraid to speak out and stand up for lgbt rights.

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