FIRST and foremost, Sorry about the length!
On September 19th 2010 my husband (Randy) and I were married after 8 years of getting to know each other, and then 2 weeks later he was diagnosed with T1. We knew something was wrong as over the past 6 to 8 months he lost approx 40lbs (180 to 140) but with all the information (or MISS-INFORMATION) out there about Diabetes we didn't have a clue that could be the problem with him. His doctor and I talked after is diagnoses and both of us thought he had cancer due to the fact he went down hill so fast. Randy hadn't been to a doctor for over 10 years and we just didn't see the signs of what was happening to him. We didn't live together until Fall of 2008, when my Daughter graduated HS and moved out so I really wasn't totally in tune with how life was on a daily basis with him. I always knew he had a food thing, meaning he always ate organic or the best of what he could buy but always had a love for COOKIES but they had to be good quality to be eaten by him. Never realized that when he had to eat it meant his sugar levels were low, just never thought anything of it as neither of us have been around Diabetes. If you haven't been around it you really don't know what to look for and the Media/information out in the real world is so bad I don't know how anyone knows anything about Diabetes. I have been a low carb eater for over 6 years now, the doctor said that by me eating the way I do caused Randy not to see some of the symptoms eating wise. This past summer we had family in town and I was getting questions on why he was so skinny and comments on how unsteady he was. I lived with him an a daily basis but I didn't see it like they did, he was just himself and I really didn't notice that he had lost that much weight. It was an eye opener hearing what others were seeing and I just didn't see it. Well we all know that when your with someone all the time you don't notice stuff and that was where I was at. Once family left he and I had a talk and decided to get married, I had health insurance he did not, I had to get him to the doctor so us waiting for me to be ready to get married again was pushed to the side and we got married. That's when life got complicated!!
His BG was 434 with a A1C of 12, he has neuropathy pretty bad and Retnalopathy even worse. Already he's had Laser Surgery on both eyes and got back about 65% of his eyesight, mind you he had 200/200 when we started and at his last check up he was at 60/200.
So as you can see I have had a whirlwind in my life for about 8 months and the stress level has gone through the roof. When first diagnosed he couldn't take his own BG as the neuropathy was so bad he couldn't feel the prick let alone the lancet in his hand. He couldn't read because his eye sight was so bad and he couldn't focus to see the words. So I took his BG reading and started the task of researching Diabetes, I am far from knowing everything but in the short time of finding out and now I do know a lot.
BUT what I don't know is how to deal with some of this myself.... I can deal with the diabetes, his crankiness when his levels are low and the day to day needs but what I do have problems with is the stress of life with Diabetes! What’s the difference? We live, eat and breath BG numbers, what to eat when and putting life on hold because he just can't do what he use to because of the neuropathy. We went from doing things and going places all the time to going to the grocery store and then going home, him going too low and then sleeping it off once we get the BG's back to where they are suppose to be. I worry he is getting depressed; I know he doesn't want to be like this, I know it bothers him that he can't carry on a normal life right now but we are where we are and I do know this.
How do you deal with the sorrow of the life you use to have vs the one you now have? I miss our old life before Diabetes, I know my husband does too and it's not his fault. I have good coping skills but I have found myself crying for no reason (or little reason) lately and it's really hard because the person I should be able to talk to about it is the last person I want to bother with my little stuff! He has more on his plate than I do and I don't want him to feel bad because of my feelings (they are insignificant compared to what's going on with him)! I have looked for support groups or something of that nature but they are there for the Diabetic not their support group!
If anyone has any ideas on how to cope other than take a deep breath and bite your tongue please tell because life is getting way to complicated, I always thought that once my kids were grown and out of the house life would be easier! Not sure what dream I saw that in but........ I love my husband and I don't regret anything I have done, just a bit frustrated!