I am not even sure what I can get out of this, but I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest. Last time I was honest on here my ex wife used it in court to say I shouldn't be able to see my kids......but I digress. I feel like crap everyday now and I'm losing my desire to keep up with it all. I need to get better control but I feel like even after 22 years with this damned disease I'm all…